How we gonna paaaaaayyy...

by Anne

I didn't watch Saturday's Sabres' game. I was seeing a musical about people who have foreclosed on their homes called "mortgage." Or something like that. They all seemed to have AIDS and all the girls were in knee high boots with crazy curly hair. I'm not sure, but that sounds like me on a typical Saturday night. Wait, I don't have AIDS. Not that there's anything wrong with having... nevermind.

ANYWAY, the point is I didn't watch the game and henceto therefore happenstantially I can pretend it went anyway I want.

Here's my take:

The Sabres had a COMMANDING 3-0 lead CHARGING UNRELENTINGLY into the third period. Patrick Lalime had already stopped 34968734.4 shots, all by Jason Spezza with two somehow by Dany Heatley all the way in San Jose Theodore.

THEN, as if by BLACK MAGIC, Chris Neil and Jarkko "Chompy Times" Ruutu held Lalime hostage and locked Miller in a beer portable and the Sabres were forced to play the entire third period with NO GOALTENDER.

THEREFORE, Myers, Tallinder, Rivet, Lydman, Sekera, Perreault, Korab, Barnaby, McKee, Mogilny, and TSUJIMOTO combined to block an additional 5386723 and 2/3 shots. HOWEVER, those evil RAT BASTARD Ottawa Senators managed to fire off 5386728 and 2/3 shots and they won 5-0. Or wait, I guess it was 5-3 with the Sabres 3-0 lead EATEN ALIVE.

ANARCHY AND CHAOS AND PANDEMONIUM SHALL RAIN DOWN FROM THE STREETS OF BUFFALO.

This is how I choose to believe WHY WON'T MY V KEY WORK PROPERLY that game went.

In a related story, the Ottawa Senators have released their new uniform design:

I JUST REALIZED THAT MOST OF THE SENATORS I REALLY HATE ARE ON OTHER TEAMS.

Whatevs.

Good night.

The Kings lost too.

They suck.

MAYBE IT'S ME? Why do all my teams SUCK and then alternately ROCK sometimes? I can't take the swinging of the pendulum, BOYS. WIN MORE.

I wish the Sabres were more like my fantasy team. We are kicking ass and TAKING NAMES. What does that expression even mean V KEY START WORKING ALL THE TIME PLEASE VVVVVVVV.

Yes, I am intoxicated.

Oscar has some thoughts: lp.tjuvb jnhb

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Good night

The One Where Anne Loses Her Cool

by Anne

Now I'm back to being pissed off. I was sad for a hot minute and wrote my crying emoticon about it but now I'm done. I'm over it. I'm mad again.

You can all go write your "less than-slash-three" broken heart things and I'll be over here acknowledging with full gusto that the Buffalo Sabres organization is pathetic and I'm sad to admit that I'm a fan and even sadder to admit that I write a blog about the S.S. Buffalo FAILShip

When you think about the team as individual people it's hard to rip them apart with full force. Players are supposed to play for the logo on the front and I will treat them as such. I'm a fan of the team and the city the logo represents, the players are just cogs in a very broken-down machine.

We had two stellar seasons between 2005 and 2007. That was fucking great. We won the President's Trophy. That was fucking sweet. Then they crapped the bed against Ottawa and we've been in a pathetic shame spiral of whiny finger-pointing and shoulder shrugging since then.

Those two fantastic seasons from 2005-2007 were the only two seasons we've made the playoffs since 2001. We missed the playoffs in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2008 and now, 2009. That's pathetic. How is that ok? Why is ownership okay with this? Why? WHY. Tell me WHY. I demand to know WHY this is apparently OK.

I want change. I'm fed up with this. I'm not sorry they missed the playoffs, hopefully by some act of GOD this means something will change. Will we get change? No, of course not. We'll get more bullshit conservative action from management and be forced to accept basically the exact same team next season and they will be EXACTLY as successful as they were this season.

Where are the excuses this time around, gentlemen? There aren't any? EXACTLY.

In 2007-2008 the stand-by excuses were "No real leadership" "Players filling out new roles." blah blah blah. Well in 2008-2009 we had a captain, a clear-cut leader who perhaps was ineffective. Was Craig Rivet a bad pick-up? I don't think so but he certainly didn't spark this team. These "new roles?" No longer new. Jason Pominville has 20 goals? Jochen Hecht is garbage, he's been AWFUL this season. Patrick Lalime was mostly awful while Miller was out, Tallinder had more terrible giveaways and moments of just pathetic defensive play than I'd care to think about. Toni Lydman took the world's most untimely penalties during several games this season, and they were just soft. There's no grit. I'd rather have that second round pick we gave up for Dominic Moore than have his "contributions" from the last month. One goal. One. He has a decent faceoff % but that's about it. Wow. Effing great. I'm fucking inspired by this team. I adore Teppo but this needs to be his last season. Please retire.

Fuck this attachment Buffalo has with Lindy Ruff too. I think highly of Lindy Ruff as an individual. He's a wonderful human being. You know who else is a great human being? Oprah. But I don't want her to coach my hockey team. I don't understand why Buffalo is all "stay the course" with this crap. This team STILL hasn't recovered from losing Briere and Drury. That is a problem. In my opinion, a coaching problem.

Last night's win sucked. It was the worst 5-1 victory I've ever experienced because it was COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS. Where was this effort last week? Last month? THE LAST TWO SEASONS? For the HOT MINUTE before the Rangers won, it was fun, but every one of those goals felt like a swift kick to the stomach because in the end THEY MEANT NOTHING.

When we missed the playoffs last season I was sad but had hope for this year. I don't have hope for next season. I fully expect us to be a draft lottery team next year and I'm not saying that to be sensationalist, that's how optimistic these last two seasons have made me.

I hate that I've made hockey so damn important to me and this bunch of losers and ne'er-do-wells matters to me so much.

"I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Back to Buffalo

by Anne

I've successfully completed my trip to see the Grandpa in Pennsylvania and am back in the B-lo.

It's really hard to blog about a team when you mostly want to cover your ears and squeeze your eyes shut and pretend they don't exist.

There are only five more home games and then I'll be rid of them until August/September at the least. That's almost five months of freedom from their crap. Woooo!

I've been a very bad blogger lately.

I have a job interview this morning I have to get ready for but I'd love to sit here and whine about hockey for a while.

Finally, the Canucks broke the latest trend of "Anne's favorite teams lose in regulation all the damn time" and won last night, defeating the Stas 5-2. They actually managed to get an empty net goal, which has been kind of a challenge for the Canucks this season. Woooo! Hanging onto that 5th place spot! Fourth would be even better.

The Kings lost 2-0 to the Blues and therefore were unable to complete the season sweep. Oh well.

I think I just need to bear down and actually return to the Sabres website and try to pay attention to the goings on with the team now that I'm back in Buffalo and not sick.

Ok, baby steps. Let's start with Miller and work our way up from there. I think Ryan Miller is about the only one whose interview I can listen to. Well of course I could listen to Sissy's shockingly blunt answers any day, he can be #2. I don't think I'll ever be ready for Craigory. He scares me a little. I adore him but he's a little too gritty for me when we're losing. Lindy? No way.

My friend's one moth old daughter looks like Jason Pominville. She's really cute so this is not an insult. I'd post a picture but that's creepy. Just trust me, its hilarious.

Panthers tonight at home. Ewwwwww. See ya'll later.

I've Had Enough

by Anne

If I didn't work at the Arena I would have nothing to do with this team for the next few games.

The Pirates won 4-2. Woo.

That's all I got.

Henrik is thinking: Dude, Ryan Kesler is rubbin' you up, why are you more interested in your phone
Henrik, you and I are totally in sync.
Can I be the triplet?
I can't skate, but I love Big Bear a lot... does that count for anything?

This sucks. I want Mark Mancari. I want him NOW.

SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE.

DRUNK BLOGGING IS A BAD IDEA

by Anne

SO OK I'M DRUNK. I shouldn't be blogging but WHHOOPS, here I go.

THat game sucked. We were winning 2-1 AND THEN SOMEHOW LOST 5-2 TO THE PENS. Pommer and Vans were all like "Woo! I'm gonna score and it'll be sweet." AND IT WAS until the 3rd.

FOUR GOALS IN ONE PERIOD. FOUR? FOUR?!?!?!?

I needed to ease the pain so I downed my usual G&Ts at Coulter Bay and Fat Bob's: Now with fewer bloggers!

Fortunately the night out was fun even if that game sucked donkey business. Some weird dude was creeping up on us while we were at Fat Bob's and some dude was dancing way too much for Fat Bob's atmosphere but our slowly disintegrating plaster pig friend was there so it was all good.

I just hate this team right now. Hate. Them. I really hate hockey right now. Death to hockey. Painful awful practices and bag skates and all sorts of awful drills for them all in the coming days. Except for Patches. He didn't play in either of these games. He and I can drink heavily while the others skate.

I don't even have the energy ot search for pictures of Adam Mair making funny faces. I hate them all and I want them all to regret the days they were drafted during the next few practices, LINDY. DON'T THROW THIS ONE IN THE GARBAGE. THERE'S NO MORE ROOM. I'd like to throw them all in the garbage.

How in the name of all that is good are we supposed to think we can compete in this league if we have collapses like that? Guess what? We can't. Teams that do well, that succeed, that compete for the Cup don't play the way the Sabres have played these last few games. Abyssmal. Just awful.

I know this is the gin talking but games like this one where we were playing SO WELL and hten just FELL APART make me wish I wasn't so friggin emotionally invested in this group of losers and ne'erdowells.

As a fan these last 2 games have insulted me. I feel insulted by the Sabres. I know they don't WANT to lose, but this crap just isn't cutting it.

Now we have three whole days to ruminate about the next debacle: Sabres @ Bruins on Wednesday.

I'm sure by then I'll have sobered up and might actually watch the game, but then again, in the clear non-gin filtered light of day I might still hate them.

I'm drunk.

Love,
Anne

Ooooooooooooooooookay

by Anne


Miraculously there are still four Buffalo Sabres that have not been declared legally deceased in my world:

These 4 players saw a grand total of 14:48 of ice time, and all of those minutes belonged to Ryan Miller

In WCB news, Rick Nash scored a goal! I'm not really sure who his team was playing against, but they must be TERRIBLE. He had a breakaway during the game, but didn't score. Gee, I wonder if that other team realizes that he's in the Top 10 list of players in the NHL you DON'T WANT TO ALLOW TO BE SET UP ON A BREAK AWAY. I mean I wonder WHAT'S WRONG with that other team that they were UNABLE to control him. It's really FORTUNATE for them that their goaltender was able to make a save.

On an unrelated note, Adam Mair, who I've heard might have recently ceased to exist because of events I am not privy to, apparently loves live theatre. Thereby adding even more confusion to the ongoing conflict within me between "Adam Mair is kind of Scary" and "Adam Mair is Kind of Totally Badass."

Here's hoping this "Team from Buffalo" I've heard rumored can get their act together to at least not be TOTALLY HUMILIATED tomorrow in Pittsburgh.

Day 7 = Day Frustrating as Hell

by Anne

Things I wrote when the Flames were winning:

I really love how the Saddledome looks with all the Calgary fans in red with the occasional sprinkle of a Sharks' jersey.

J-rome Iggy really understands my need for retribution. He scored the first goal after starting some serious Flames' pressure by stripping a Sharks' defenseman of the puck. Which defenseman you ask?

Ron Wilson: Just concentrate on the puck, Soupy
Soupy: Got it.
RW: No, Soupy, don't just stare at it, PLAY it.
Soupy: Ohhhh......

Things I wrote after the game was over:

Too bad you LOST with like 12 seconds LEFT, J-ROME! That is soooooo NOT ok.

You're all on Notice.

Montreal - I'm kinda mad at you. I wanted it to be a decisive win, not a "teetering on the edge of losing" win. That's the worst kind of loss for Tim Tom on his birthday. Boooo. 1-0 losses are TERRIBLE.

Dallas - WTF?

Calgary - You are SO sleeping on the couch. You had 10 shots on goal? IN THE ENTIRE GAME? And you managed to actually be winning for most of the game? All that means is San Jose's defense was actually proactive and that Nabokov is easily distracted by J-Rome's sparkling smile, Nabby and I have that in common.

Minnesota - Where was my 3-2 overtime victory? At least you managed to score...? If that's the best you can say about a game...that's pretty rough. I didn't even watch this one, the Calgary game was interesting and the Wild were losing by 4. Ew.

Booooooooooooooo.

Shout out to SharksTV, they do have some hilarious interviews with their players. I especially enjoy Kyle McClaren's. He definitely falls in the "You're probably a jerk, but I'd probably sleep with you anyway" category. Or he may be of the "could snap at any moment" variety.

I started watching a few seconds of an interview with Soupy and my physical reaction was almost violent in nature and I decided I couldn't listen past the first 3 or 4 seconds of his deep, short-bus voice. I had a similar reaction when he was a Sabre but I usually chose to listen if the interview was broadcast, I never sought out Soupy interviews on the website. Ugh. This time, I quickly changed to a "20 questions" interview with Devin Setoguchi that did nothing but reinforce my belief that he might be 15.

And, to top it all off, I was only able to add a SHARK to my list of "Heretofore unknown Western Conference players that are surprisingly aesthetically pleasing."

That guy was Patrick Marleau. He looks so movie star-like it's almost disturbing. All his bruises and blood on his face just made him look even more bad-ass. He doesn't look like he'd be a hockey player, but for some reason, whenever his face was on camera, I couldn't stop watching him. This unsettles me.

Ew, he has an ATROCIOUS roster photo. I require further investigation. GASP! SHOCKING! SCANDALOUS! I FOUND A PICTURE OF HIS WIFE AND SHE'S TINY AND BLONDE! Haha, good on ya, Patrick Marleau. Ok, I can't find a good one of him. Just picture if Superman were a real person from Saskatchewan and he played hockey. Because, honestly, what other sport is manly enough for Superman?

I'm really scared for Carey Price. His adorableness factor shoots Montreal waaaaayyy up the list of teams with exceptional adorableness. I don't generally take a shine to goaltenders as they're all, generally, kind of incredibly weird, but I like Carey. This is, however, based solely on his play and what people say about him, I've never seen him interviewed. I could go investigate, but then I'd have to justify my observations.

After the first round passes, I will do an indepth study on the progress and development of playoff beards around the league. It's too soon for some players, as many of them (cough Sidney cough) can barely boast a 5 o'clock shadow.

Silver Lining

by Anne

That game was atrocious. If my love of the Sabres and individual players was based solely on last night's game, I would be a baseball fan.

Therefore, I have to find SOMETHING positive to say:

With that victory, Montreal knocked Ottawa out of the top of the division and back into 5th place. Hahahahahahahaha.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Even though the dealt away Huet (who earned a shutout in his first game as a Cap, BTW), they still managed to win because our defense sucks. OMG, was Soupy actually a strong defenseman? Oh, our forwards suck is the main breakdown? Gotcha. Anytick, let's see how Baby Price does down the road once he's playing every game.

If we're struggling, its good to know that Ottawa is struggling even harder. How's it going, Bryan Murray? Maybe Patrick Eaves was the secret to the Senator's success, ha.