How we gonna paaaaaayyy...

by Anne

I didn't watch Saturday's Sabres' game. I was seeing a musical about people who have foreclosed on their homes called "mortgage." Or something like that. They all seemed to have AIDS and all the girls were in knee high boots with crazy curly hair. I'm not sure, but that sounds like me on a typical Saturday night. Wait, I don't have AIDS. Not that there's anything wrong with having... nevermind.

ANYWAY, the point is I didn't watch the game and henceto therefore happenstantially I can pretend it went anyway I want.

Here's my take:

The Sabres had a COMMANDING 3-0 lead CHARGING UNRELENTINGLY into the third period. Patrick Lalime had already stopped 34968734.4 shots, all by Jason Spezza with two somehow by Dany Heatley all the way in San Jose Theodore.

THEN, as if by BLACK MAGIC, Chris Neil and Jarkko "Chompy Times" Ruutu held Lalime hostage and locked Miller in a beer portable and the Sabres were forced to play the entire third period with NO GOALTENDER.

THEREFORE, Myers, Tallinder, Rivet, Lydman, Sekera, Perreault, Korab, Barnaby, McKee, Mogilny, and TSUJIMOTO combined to block an additional 5386723 and 2/3 shots. HOWEVER, those evil RAT BASTARD Ottawa Senators managed to fire off 5386728 and 2/3 shots and they won 5-0. Or wait, I guess it was 5-3 with the Sabres 3-0 lead EATEN ALIVE.

ANARCHY AND CHAOS AND PANDEMONIUM SHALL RAIN DOWN FROM THE STREETS OF BUFFALO.

This is how I choose to believe WHY WON'T MY V KEY WORK PROPERLY that game went.

In a related story, the Ottawa Senators have released their new uniform design:

I JUST REALIZED THAT MOST OF THE SENATORS I REALLY HATE ARE ON OTHER TEAMS.

Whatevs.

Good night.

The Kings lost too.

They suck.

MAYBE IT'S ME? Why do all my teams SUCK and then alternately ROCK sometimes? I can't take the swinging of the pendulum, BOYS. WIN MORE.

I wish the Sabres were more like my fantasy team. We are kicking ass and TAKING NAMES. What does that expression even mean V KEY START WORKING ALL THE TIME PLEASE VVVVVVVV.

Yes, I am intoxicated.

Oscar has some thoughts: lp.tjuvb jnhb

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Good night

Anne is A little Drunk And is Posting Anyway Please Stop Her

by Anne

I'm not editing this later and I'm kind of drunk. Ok not kind of. I'm drunk.

Ok so I came home after that game and finished the bottle of wine I opened last night while talking with Mama Peg and now these are my thoughts after hte game. Then I drank more. I'm really cool. But i'm 23 so its legal. OH SNAP.

The sound of someone peeing is the most disgusting sound in the world. I grew up with my room next ot the bathroom, trust me I speak from experience.

That has little to nohting to do with the game.

Ok I saw Scott Hartnell and his fro and Jeff Carter smiled at me and was kind of hot when I came in today. When did I start liking blondes? Its a new phase. I might've seen Mike Knuble at Chef's? More on that later.

I've given up on the Sabres. Straight up. This isn't news. I gave up on them like a week and a half ago. They suck.

This team is fucking terrible.

What the fuck

Who fucking chokes in every god damn third period they play?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE THIRD PERIOD? Do they think like "YO I PLAYED FOR 40 MINUTES, SCREW THE LAST 20 BITCHES!" Maybe only Tim Connolly talks like that. TIm you're totally due for some kind of catastrophic injury that only you can have. Apparently Matt Greene was hit by a car a few years ago? This is not related to Tim Connolly but someone emailed me story about it from like 2006. Poor Greener. I'm sorry my infatuation with you is only a surface love.

Like what the fuck Sabres?

At least with like the Islanders they've sucked all year and last year too so you know what ot expect. WE STARTED SO WELL. WHAT IN THE NAME OF HEYSOOS AND ALL THE SAINTS AND ALLAH AND BUDDHA AND L RON HUBBARD HAPPENED?

Speaking of that my dad got this ridiculous pamphlet about how we're all going to hell and sports are the work of the devil to distract us. Its hiliarious and bullshit. I need to scan some pictures from it. Does anyone have a scanner? Is it 1998? I'm not too drunk to make sure this post is FULL justified formatted. Blame my former boss Joe for that. He's a lawyer. and kind of a douche bag. But not too much. NOt as much as this guy my Dad used to work wtih EW.

If I didn't work at the Arena I wouldn't pay to go to a game.

I' might've created a life long Paul Gaustad fan tonight. I cna't believe I just spelled Gaustad right twice in a row.

Fuck the Sabres. Fuck them all.

Except Ryan Miller. I still luff him. Even if he looks like he just escaped from BUchenwald. I think Kim has pictures of that place? I might be making that up.

Fuck the rest of them. I don't care how "chippy" you think Thomas Vanek is SabresDotCom Twitter. Jason Pominville is really not living up to his contract.

I'm mostly annoyed that I missed Chris Butler's goal. I watched the highlights and I'm all rainbows and sunshine for him BUT NO ONE ELSE. Except Dominic Moore. He didn't ask to be traded here.

I hate my job.

Fuck the Sabres.

And the KINGS lost too. To the Pens. 4-1. But I still love the Pens. They might've been my hometown team. I could be madly in love with Kris Letang right now. Colby, come back?!!? The Kings didn't score until the third period. That sucks. At least Fleury didn't get the shutout. He's really effeminate and has a soul patch. Gross. They're not an attractive team. Evgeni Malkin is one of the ugliest sonofabitches I've ever seen. But he also happens to be a damn good hockey player. I still like Sidney Crosby, I'm sorry. I do. We large bottomed ladies need to stick together.

Leann Rimes husband is a 'mo? I just started reading Perez and got distracted.

My mother went to the University of Pittsburgh and could not be happier about their successes in March Madness. PI-TT PI-TT HAIL TO PITT OR SOMETHING. My dad was in teh glee club and my mom turned pages or something. That's how they met, its a cute story. I only care about basketball if UB or Pitt are involved.

Right, hockey.

Christopher's goal was the only highlight of my evening. That and when I convinced this kid Goose was his favorite player. Something about a green team. I don't remember.

The new food vendor was wearing his retainer tonight at the game. HWAT? WHO DOES THAT?! He's like 16 and he actually talked to me tonight. GIRLS ARE NOT ANOTHER SPECIES.

Some one yelled at me and told me it was my fault the Flyers scored to maek it 2-2. I of course smiled and screamed "YOU'RE WELCOME" in his face. I'm a person. I have ears, I can hear you. I also don't like being accused of causing the Flyers to score because I hate the Flyers.

Its been almost 2 years but I'm still not over losing Danny Briere. I think I just love players named Danny. PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe cuz lots of people in my family call me Annie and I had a bff as a kid named Danny WHO HAD THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME. July 4th. Independence day. Write it down. Criagory was traded to us that day. woooooooooo

I love pie. Both the food and the person. He's my favorite even when I'm embarrassed to admit it. BUt I love him. Don't listen to me when I say its like Pommer or Miller. Its Pie. Or Spacek. I know how to pick 'em. I love them both. LOVE.

What the hell am I talking about? I've been drinking.

My Dad is in the living room singing Burt Bacharach or something. Its 1:00 am. MY FAMILYIS AMAZING. DON'T MESS. JIM WILL SING IN HIS FALSETTO IN THE LIVING ROOM AT 1:00 AM IF HE DAMN WELL PLEASES. He just told me it was Little ANthony adn the Imperials. Whatevs

What am I saying? I will regret this post later. I will now attempt to upload a pictuer that will make me laugh.

Greener braces himself


CRHIS KUNTIZ STAY OUTTA MY CREASE.

it took me forever to upload these.

why is this cnetered what do i click. hold on.

that's better. wait i said they'd make me laugh those didn't make me laugh. they just made me wish Matt Greene was a Sabre. Alack and fie and curses and rot.

The Sabres have driven me to drink. Literally. And cheat on my diet. ASSFACES.

They will lose tomorrow. TO CHRIS DRURY AND IT'LL BE AMAZING. I hope Sean Avery has a hat trick I kind of like Sean Avery more than I did before. I'm glad he's back he's endlessly entertaining.

Hockey is a waste of time. That's not true. I love hockey. I love it. OK, it is a waste of time but I love it anyway. I just like watching hockey. I just wish my team didn't suck.

They're still my team. No matter what. THey'll always be my team no matter how badly they lose. But I wish they'd win.

I should really stop writing this now.

GOod night.

DRUNK BLOGGING IS A BAD IDEA

by Anne

SO OK I'M DRUNK. I shouldn't be blogging but WHHOOPS, here I go.

THat game sucked. We were winning 2-1 AND THEN SOMEHOW LOST 5-2 TO THE PENS. Pommer and Vans were all like "Woo! I'm gonna score and it'll be sweet." AND IT WAS until the 3rd.

FOUR GOALS IN ONE PERIOD. FOUR? FOUR?!?!?!?

I needed to ease the pain so I downed my usual G&Ts at Coulter Bay and Fat Bob's: Now with fewer bloggers!

Fortunately the night out was fun even if that game sucked donkey business. Some weird dude was creeping up on us while we were at Fat Bob's and some dude was dancing way too much for Fat Bob's atmosphere but our slowly disintegrating plaster pig friend was there so it was all good.

I just hate this team right now. Hate. Them. I really hate hockey right now. Death to hockey. Painful awful practices and bag skates and all sorts of awful drills for them all in the coming days. Except for Patches. He didn't play in either of these games. He and I can drink heavily while the others skate.

I don't even have the energy ot search for pictures of Adam Mair making funny faces. I hate them all and I want them all to regret the days they were drafted during the next few practices, LINDY. DON'T THROW THIS ONE IN THE GARBAGE. THERE'S NO MORE ROOM. I'd like to throw them all in the garbage.

How in the name of all that is good are we supposed to think we can compete in this league if we have collapses like that? Guess what? We can't. Teams that do well, that succeed, that compete for the Cup don't play the way the Sabres have played these last few games. Abyssmal. Just awful.

I know this is the gin talking but games like this one where we were playing SO WELL and hten just FELL APART make me wish I wasn't so friggin emotionally invested in this group of losers and ne'erdowells.

As a fan these last 2 games have insulted me. I feel insulted by the Sabres. I know they don't WANT to lose, but this crap just isn't cutting it.

Now we have three whole days to ruminate about the next debacle: Sabres @ Bruins on Wednesday.

I'm sure by then I'll have sobered up and might actually watch the game, but then again, in the clear non-gin filtered light of day I might still hate them.

I'm drunk.

Love,
Anne

wa-hooo!!

By Anne

I can't wait to write about tonight's game when I'm sober. I got a little drunk to celebrate, but wa-hoo!!!!!!!!! My love for Drew Stafford was already unending, but for real Drew? My heart will just have to keep growing to accommodate my constantly increasing love for you. If I were ever to meet you, I'm not sure what I would do, I wouldn't be creepy, but you were already my favorite Sabre, its just unkind to shut down your fellow teammates like that.

Danny Paille----I mean Pie-YAY! In my heart, you and Roysie BOTH scored that goal. So Roysie gets his hay trick and you get two goals WOOOOOO!!!

BLARGH!

By Anne

I love Daniel Paille. I declared my affinity (not full-on love, but affinity) towards Pie-yay early on but was challenged by many, and sadly, I must admit I let my love slide to the wayside from peer pressure. BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL AND I WON'T HIDE MY LOVE ANY LONGER. GRIZZ PIE-YAY AND STAFFY, three youngsters whom I love. Ok, they aren't that young, but whtatev. And Staffy, you've been slacking, step it up. I know you were hurt, but get back on track please, dearest zombie. Grizz had an OK game, but after two stellar nights, he's allowed to sit back and let Danny have the glory. And Patches was back with Pratters. I love Pratt because even when he's falling down he still makes a last ditch flailing effort to poke away the puck. Kaleta had some good hits in his first home game of the season. The game all-in-all wasn't that exciting, it was tense at the end, but it wasn't that exciting. Another GD shootout LOSS. KOTALIK! VANEK! TFREAKINGOC FOR YOU BOTH. Neither goalie had a record night, both were good, not great, but not weak. And then Miller totally effed up the shootout. Ugh.

The whole team played well, but in spite of his rough patch which caused him to be benched in December, Pie-yay has produced. His +/- is usually solid, he garnered a lot of Ice Bowl ice time, which was unexpected but welcome and GODDAMMIT IF HE HASN'T STEPPED UP WHEN WE NEEDED HIM TO. I mean, 3 goals in 2 games, our only two goals of tonight's game? Unexpected but phenomenal results from the first year full-time roster member. Thank you, Danny Paille. Thank you. You have beyond earned the right to stay in this position once the return of the Soviet Bomber. You rock. Were those goals pretty tonight? Not really, but I was directly in line above you when you scored them and I felt the love. We still lost but you gave us a damn good fighting chance to win. You deserved your 1st star tonight.

Don't be modest, captain of Team Canada. You're pretty sweet. Maybe one day you'll wear that C for us. Maybe. If not, you probably will somewhere else.

Yes, I'm a little drunk.

We didn't take a picture in Sabretooth's House tonight. What were we thinking? It's our namesake!