Pirates Roster Photos

by Anne

I love roster photos. LOVE. THEM.

I have a great affinity for players who suffer from RPP or Roster Photo Panic. I summed it up best once in a post about Mike Weber:

*After reviewing his interview yesterday, Mike "Doof" Weber is actually an attractive young gent in a "I think you might try to kill me, but that's kind of hot." way. He, like many before him, appears to suffer from "Roster Photo Panic." More commonly known as "RPP." A disease in which, once seated in front of the camera, you instantly regret every photo that's ever been taken of you. That, coupled with the pressure of the fact that this will be the most widely viewed and reproduced photo of you for the next year, overcomes you and instead of making any facial expression, you simply stare, blind panic at full-tilt, at the camera, hoping some semblance of a smile is on your face, but ultimately fail (see: Stafford, Drew). Although, some still manage to take a humorous photo (see: Pominville, Jason and Campbell, Brian).

So I hopped over to the Pirates website to check out the detailed roster and happened across some (but not all) of the team roster photos. Anyway, after perusing them, I've come to 2 conclusions:

1. Almost every single player appears to have been dragged off the ice, dripping in sweat, toweled off and had their picture taken, mid-shift.

2. Whoever did the lighting hates them all and wants them to look like serial killers (I'm so tired I legit almost typed cereal)

*clap clap clap clap clap*
I mean, A+, Mr. Kostka, you have yet to take a bad roster photo

Aces sir, ACES



Why before this pre-season have I never taken note of Mark Mancari's more superficial aesthetically pleasing attributes?


To me this picture says "I'm Tim Kennedy and all I want to do Is take a shower."
Seriously, did they just pull him off the bench during a scrimmage, yank the helmet off and plop him down?
Timothy fared better in these photos than some of his teammates



Ummmm, Chris....?
Are you concussed?
Did you take a tip from Vanek and catch 40 winks in the car?
Is this definitely Chris Butler and not a homeless man found peeing on the zamboni?
Is his left eye all swollen or is it always like that?
Well, no worries Chris, Millsy's got "wacky eyes" covered, so if that's just swelling, its ok

AHHHHH!!! SEASON STARTS TOMORROWWWW!!!!!! Yay!!!!

Media Guide: The IMPORTANT parts

by Anne

So instead of catching up on reading, I chose to peruse this years media guide.

Enjoy:

Lala (new nickname? I'm terrible at these) has really never taken a bad photo

Every picture I see of him I hear this subtext:

"Ha! Are you really about to take my picture? Oooooooook"

He's kind of dreamy. WAAAAYYY more dreamy than TBO, and that is really my main criteria for a back up goaltender, if they win games, that's just gravy.
I want someone pretty to look at on the bench.
Lindy needs another man to lighten the load

There are no words that can express my love for Tone's roster photos

this years is a VAST improvement over last

However, last year's photo was so delightfully ridiculous, I'm afraid I'm going to miss it

Squeeeeee!

Hahahaha Pie is so adorable. Really, I can't think of anything that PieYAY has done recently that hasn't been adorable. Nope, nothing.

PieYAY is thinking reeeeeeaaaalllllyy hard, or he's licking the extra pixie stick sugar off of his lip.
Did Mairsy get him M&M flavored Lip Smackers?
Poor Pie, he's just going to eat the entire thing and get a tummy ache

Whoever dug up this photo to put in the media guide is my new BFF

SO MUCH LOVE.

MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE IT.

I really can't see anyone but Pommer fighting PieYAY for supremacy in my SabreHeart

Had this picture been the first roster photo I'd ever seen of Webby, I would not have labeled him Doof. Therefore, I'm thrilled beyond words that this roster photo came out later.
And thrilled because Doof is actually quite the looker. Woooo!!




Weeeee! Who scored a goal last night?
Who did? Who?!
That's right, Derek Roy did.
What's that? Oh yeah.
GerbeDerby did too.
WAIT. IS THAT AN ATTEMPT AT A FAUXHAWK?!?!!?!!?!!!!!1!!!





Mike Kostka wins the Pommer Award for most unexpectedly adorable roster photo


Then come the "He can't help it, its just his face." pictures:


Tim Kennedy, I love you dearly and you're a great hockey player,
BUT
you look like if my sister had been hit with an ugly stick and not gotten braces as a child
BUT
I still love you and your girlfriend is apparently smokin' so who gets the last laugh really, TK?



Marek... oh Marek.
You and Nikolai Khabibulin now form the "mildly resembles a new born bird." class of hockey players.

This was in my Facebook news feed and I had to share:

Ecksellent.

I got the word about officially starting at the Arena on Saturday. My call time (what a theatre loser) is 5:30 but that red carpet thingy starts at 5:00. Might this be a logistics nightmare? Probably yes.

My hockey widget is all wacked out and has given Ottawa 2 points already in the standings. Ummmmm, como? Whatev, it also says Buffalo hasn't played any pre-season games yet.

Fantasy hockey seems awesome but I know I'd never keep up with it, so I miss out. Just like I missed out on the Cabbage Patch Doll craze of the mid 1980s, I am passing on fantasy hockey. The real reason I'm not doing it, is because I can't think of a good name for a team. Straight up. That's really the main reason.

I was looking at older posts and DAMN I used to write some LONG posts. That was mainly because I was sitting at a desk in an office all day and had nothing else to do besides write absurdly lengthy blog posts. Now I write them between reading novels and Russian short stories that just make me depressed and wanting to hang out with Maxim Afinogenov all at the same time. Apparently there's a good Russian restaurant on Transit that I apparently get extra credit if I eat there. WHO WANTS SOME KVASS? Let's GO!

I'm trying to get interested in how other teams are doing this pre-season but its hard to give a hoot when you look at the play by play and you can't identify 75% of the players listed. I can barely ID all the men in Sabres' uniform, how am I supposed to become emotionally invested in Alex Goligosky's success with the Pens?

REMEMBER FOR A HOT MINUTE WHEN I WAS AFRAID I'D LOVE THE PENGUINS MORE THAN THE SABRES THIS SEASON BECAUSE I INVESTED SO MUCH ENERGY IN THEM DURING THE PLAYOFFS? hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha what a silly fool I was. How could I ever love Sidney Crosby more than Jason Pominville? Jordan Staal more than Adam Mair? Bitch, PLEASE. Now that they don't have Ry-ry, who cares? Colby Armstrong was banished to the barren wasteland that is Atlanta and Ryan Whitney is going to be out FOREVER (or like a couple month) so I just don't give a hoot. They're still my #2 team but back to being a verrrrrrry distant #2.

Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering who the #9 top hitter in the Eastern Conference was last season:

9-Paul Gaustad, Buffalo -- Known for his gritty play, Gaustad is a fan favorite in Buffalo because he’s fearless and productive. He posted a career high 10 goals and 36 points in 2007-08, working mainly on the third and fourth lines, and was re-signed by the Sabres to a four-year deal on the eve of free agency this summer. The four-season performer averaged just over 17 minutes of ice time each game, including power-play and penalty-killing minutes, and finished 13th in the League with 199 hits in 82 games. The 6-4, 222-pound center, who also sported a 54.9 face-off winning percentage, is usually parked in front of the net, seeking an opportunity for a deflection.

And because he shops at the same grocery store as this fearless and productive blogger.

Oh snap. Check ya later.

Welcome Aboard, Michael Kostka!

by Anne

Ok, so this went largely unnoticed by, um, EVERYONE yesterday (myself included).

The Buffalo Sabres have signed free agent defenseman Michael Kostka.

He, like Big Bear and Staffy, is 22 years old. Great. Just what we need, MORE youth.

Welcome aboard, Mike! Great, another player named Mike. That makes 3 defensemen. Whatev, you'll all just need snappy nicknames.

I will now Google and Wikipedia Michael Kostka to find out anything I can about him.

• His full name is Michael Christopher Kostka

• His parents' names are Chris and Susan

• He has an older sister named Jessica

• He is a psychology major- good, we need someone who can work on the team's psyche

• He wants to get his PhD in sport psychology THANK GOD WE SIGNED THIS KID

• His dream is to play the NHL (duh, isn't everyone's? ok well not mine...whatev) welcome to Buffalo, kid! (Kid, he's only about 5 months younger than I)

• He is 6'2" and weights 210 pounds

• He was born in Etobicoke, ON on November 28, 1985

• He grew up in Ajax, ON

• He has just finished his Senior season at the University of Massachusetts

• He plays defense

• He shoots left

• He was the team captain

• He was nominated for that "Best College Hockey Player Award" that I shall never mention ever again in a post

• He was listed as the #165 North American Skater in the 2004 NHL Entry Draft, but went undrafted. 2004 was a bangin' year. It brought us Staffy (#7 NA), Sekera (#39 international), the Chicken (#39 NA) and Patty (#161 NA)

• 7 of his career-high 9 goals this season were power play goals

• He finished the season with a team leading +11

• In his college career he has: 15 goals and 38 assists in 145 games and a +16

• He is extremely blonde...not that he's dumb, I mean he just has really blonde hair

• His favorite quote is:

“The only difference between where you are now and where you want to be is what you are willing to do to get there.”

• I found absolutely nothing about him on Wikipedia

• He might be a swimmer too? Someone named Michael Kostka born in 1985 is

Here's a picture:

Here's another:

One more:

Wow, I'm quite amazed I was able to ascertain as much information about him as I did. Well, time to create a new player tag. Even though he'll probably be in Rochester, or well, Portland or wherever our new AHL affiliated team is for a while or forever. Or he could be amazing and be in the top 6....ok, probably not, but who knows?

We also might be about to sign a kid from Greece (New York, not the country) named Derek Whitmore. If we do sign him, then I'll make a post about him. To steal a line from Katebits: Mmm, tasty prospects.