Who'd Have Thought?

by Anne

I can't access Twitter or Facebook on my work computer but I can update my much-neglected little bloggaroo.

So it seems I've started a new job. Six months of unemployment was plenty, thankyouverymuch. We're fresh into week two right now and no end in sight. I'm temping in downtown Buffalo and it is LAUGH A MINUTE FUN. While this job might be wicked boring, at least it gives me time to update this. AND, if Iwork down here, which is right around the corner from the office I was working in when I started this precious little blog's predecessor, I will be a mere hop, skip, and a jump from HSBC Arena come fall. As it's not likely I'll still be working here then, I won't get my hopes up too high.

It's amazing how my playoff frenzied fervor immediately disappears when each and every team I have actual emotional attachment to is eliminated. First we said good-bye to the Los Angeles Kings, who lost in un-ceremonious overtime fashion at the hands of one Cap'n Joe Thornton. Then we bid adieu to the Buffalo Sabres who, it seems, could not recover from their back-breaking game 6 loss to Danny Briere and Pseudo-Pronger. Then the Penguins, who made it farther than anyone would've predicted without their two-headed scoring monster, were ousted by the bandwaggonable Tampa Bay Lightning.

The second round has almost entirely passed me by. Whoops. During the Bruins/Flyers series, I wasn't so much rooting for the Bruins as I was cheering against the Flyers... and a little bit for TimTom. Because, COME ON. It's Tim Thomas. How can you not love Tim Thomas? He CRAZY. And to think the Bruins almost parted ways with the crochety old net-minder last off-season.

It's hard for me to give a hoot about the Western Conference. The only team I actually WANT to win, is the Predators. However, if the Canucks defeat them, I won't exactly weep into my bowl of Special K the next morning.

The truth is, the reason I don't want the Canucks to win it all has nothing to do with the team or their fans or their city. The real reason is because I hate for the list of  "never won"s to get even shorter and my precious little Sabres and Kings are still sitting there, waiting for their turn to eat Special K out of Lord Stanley's cereal bowl.

Alas, if the Canucks win it all, I shall be happy for them and their fans. Totally jealous of course, but happy none the less.

Behbeh Alex Burrows thanks you for your time.



Hockey Drought

by Anne

The last few days have been a mere sampling of what the off-season is like. No NHL hockey, no hockey of any kind, and the only Sabres we hear about are randoms who've just been signed. (Welcome Aboard Gerbster!)


What am I to write about today? The remaining playoffs? It's been a few days so I basically have lost a lot of interest in these proceedings.


Of course I want Ry-ry and Sid to pull out a series victory. I wonder if the lesser but funnier Marty B will be able to continue his whacked out crazy play over the remaining games. For the sake of the Penguins, I hope not. Then again, if the Penguins lose, these boys will need a shoulder to cry on and some lovin' up by random female fans from other cities who really don't have a lot emotionally invested in these playoffs.

If you were as smokin' hot as Ryan Malone and the crazy girl you were pouring your heart and soul to over Javashakes at Spot bolted out the door in a frenzy because she may or may not have seen Jaroslav Spacek, would that really do much to soothe your aching soul or boost your ego? Whatevs, Ry-ry. Let's give it a chance! If I see that cubic wonder I'll try to restrain myself. I said TRY!


Oh woe of woes on the Team USA front:


Cap'n Halpie hurted his knee and has to have surgery to fix it :(

That blows. I know its cool to represent your country, but it's really all in good fun, its not the type of situation where a serious knee injury is expected or something that you have to accept as part of the atmosphere. Poor Halpie! As I've said before, I'm an excellent nurse! WINK.


Tim Tom is also leaving the Tournament with an injury but apparently it's not as severe beacuse there's no article about it on NHL.com like there is about Halpster. Heaven forbid someone think Tim Tom's injury isn't as newsworthy. Why do I love Tim Tom so much? There's really no good reason, I just like him. WOOOO! Get better soon Tim Tom!


Neither Adam Burish nor Ryan Miller have updated their blogs in DAYS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IF THEY WON'T TELL ME? Fo' reals, boys. Inquiring minds want to know. Per Millsey's advice I did drink some cheladas the other night...actually I drank them before I read his blog, but if he asks, I was totes following his advice. And, per Adam Burish's advice I cornered someone named Matt Greene and tried to force them to tell me a funny story, but they WOULDN'T. I couldn't find the hockey player so I Facebooked someone.


I decided to peruse the USA Hockey media guide (which Kaner is on the cover of, btw) to see what it had to offer us. On the top of his page, Pommerdoodle's hometown is listed as Buffalo, NY. Even though in his "personal" information paragraph it does say that he was born in Quebec. I hate when things are inaccurate though. I happen to know Pommer had 68 pts in 06-07 (34+34) the only reason I remember is because it's really easy to remember, however the media guide short changes him a goal and says he only scored 33.

Jordan Leopold and Brandon Dubinsky were JUST named to the team yesterday and they're already in there. That's dedication by whichever unsuspecting intern had to look up all their stats. Ha.

Whoever decided to use this picture of Staffy is my new BFFL and is probably a Parise

In other Sabres/IIHF World Championship news. An interview with Sabres 2005 2nd round draft pick, and the only German selected in that draft, Philippe Gogulla.

I'm really obsessed with Cliff Bars, especially the chocolate chip:

Curse you Peter for introducing me to them!

I've eaten one for breakfast everyday for the past week or so. They're like $.99 each at Wegman's. Breakfast for a dollar! And they fill you up! And they're organic! And I feel like I'm eating a giant extra chewy chocolate chip cookie! Woo!


We better sign someone else today or something because I'm strapped for HockeyInspiration over here. I haven't seen a Sabre in DAYS on TV or in their living room, er, um, I mean, at the grocery store.

Oh yeah, predicitions for this round: Pens in 6, Wings in 5.

I Think That Game in Dallas Might Still be Going On

by Anne


Bye Habs! Thanks for coming! Don't let the door hit ya on the way out!


I'll admit, I picked the Habs to take the Flyers, but I was the most on the fence about this series. I almost went with the Flyers in 6, but decided I'd go with the #1 team over #6. I picked wrong. Whoops. I'm already over it.


WOOOOP!!! PENS ELIMIDATE THE RANGERS!!!


Um, but blowing that 2 goal lead was NOT cool. Good thing you won it at home, or Sidney the 9 week old penguin at the Pittsburgh National Aviary would've been very very upset, as would I.


I love that Jarkko Ruutu's taunting of Jagr drew a kissy face from Jagr. I laughed a lot. Jarkko Ruutu PWNS Jagr and his vag-esque facial hair. They have such on-ice malice for each other that I bet they're secretly pining for each other off the ice. They're only angry to hide their feelings. They can't let it be seen in public, the world isn't ready for their love. Some day boys, some day.

This picture just sent Ruuts over the edge:

This picture hangs in Ruuts' stall. He says it's cuz he hates him, but when no one looks, he kisses it and calls it "heila"

It was a little disconcerting how bothered I was by seeing Slaggy bleed all over the place. Props to Slaggy for sucking it up. Too bad he couldn't be clutch with stitches in his cheek. Ohhhhh! Burn. Wish you were back in the Little League World Series? Boo-ya! Also, props to Brandon Dubinsky for attempting to help the ice crew scrape up the blood with his skate. Gross.


OMGAH A PHILLY/PITTSBURGH ECF. Wow. That's going to be INTENSE. Fortunately, there are no sexy Flyers, so there will be NO Flyers playoff boyfriend. I have a boyfriend on the other 3 teams, so ONE of them will make it in to the Finals.


I seriously love my cat a lot. He's totally adorable and freaks out during hockey games because I'm blogging and yelling and not playing with him.


The video of Brenden Morrow being the worst soccer player ever was pretty awesome. I was already taking a shine to Cap'n Morrow but that video pushed me close to the brink of new Dallas Stars boyfriend. Brad Richards still has that title, but Cap'n could take it.


And then he went and FINALLY SCORED IN THE 4TH OVERTIME WHICH I STAYED UP TO WATCH. WOOOOOOO!!!


I really thought that game wasn't ever going to end. Is there a point at which the NHL would just end the game because it's gotten totally ridiculous? I mean, I'm sure the answer to that question is NO! Someone eventually is going to literally fall asleep on the ice and the game will just end.


It was really amazing watching the fatigue build on the faces of those players, but, I'm sure, never once did any of them consider quitting. Playoff hockey! Wooooo!


I'm highly conflicted about how I feel about the outcome of these Conference Finals series. Ok, that's not true at all. I want both Dallas and Pittsburgh to win. However, I've taken such a shine to Dallas, that if they do manage to face Pittsburgh in the Finals, it'll be difficult for me to cheer against them with any kind of real feeling of malice.


Thus is my plight. If Philly manages to squeak by the Pens and the Wings defeat the Stars, I don't think I'll even bother watching. I'd have to try waaayyy too hard to muster some sort of playoff goggles for the Red Wings and that's just not something I'm prepared to do. And, as much as I love Marty and still have HockeyFeelings for Danny, I can't in good faith cheer for Steve Downie, Jeff Carter or Scott Hartnell.

---

Anyhoot. On to the WC (and by WC I mean World Championships, not Water Closet):


Canada won 7-0 with Roysie getting an assist! Wooo! Rick Nash, Dany Heatley and Getzy are a wicked intense line. Is anyone surprised? They're all on the top or near the top of their teams' stats every season. You know a team has a lot of offensive talent when Roysie has only 1 point when 12 goals have been scored.


Anyone who thinks Canada isn't going to win this thing needs to go home and think about things for a while.

Roysie!!
Chris Kunitz is 6' tall? Yeah, right. And Roysie is 5'9". Pah.

Kotalik scored a PP goal in a 5-4 loss to Russia. Wooo Kotalik!


Um, Dmitri Kalinin leads all of Team Russia in ice time and shifts. He has 2 assits and is a +4 with 0 PIM. So who exactly is wearing Kalinin's sweater and masquerading as him? Anyway, well done, Dmitri.

This appears to be Dmitri Kalinin...

Woo! A 5-1 win for Team USA!


Kaner opened the scoring and Staffers and Pommer each had an assist! Wooo!

It's hard to see, but Staffers and Pommer are bench buddies

Thank goodness Team USA finally scored even strength. It shows that they actually can, lol.


From the game blog: Stafford also tossed a Slovenian into the bench with a big hit. Haha, he does that a lot.


From Adam Burish's blog: I hope I don’t get Kaner too mad in saying this because he was pretty good out there too, but Tim was our best player that night.


I can imagine Kaner having a huge diva-fit "What do you mean you think Tim Tom was BETTER? I was the first over all pick! I'm only 19! He's OLD! Look at those forehead wrinkles! BAH! Forget you, Burish! I'll be in my luxury first-overall suite with Ovie watching our highlight tapes with the hookers. Gilbert! Call me when you want to get cheap pizza!"


Team Latvia has yet to score a goal in this tournament. They were blanked by Team USA on Friday and were blanked again today by Denmark. Ouch.

Yo, Tim Tom's pads TOTES clash with his uni

---

Private to Paul Gaustad:

Some dude offered me your phone number on Saturday night and talked about how he calls you when you do something good. I declined his offer. I think that goes above and beyond the call of duty to have your personal information at my beck and call.

Love and I told you I wasn't a Stalkers,
Anne

---

Private to Brian Campbell:

At least it wasn't "puck over the glass" this time.

Love,
Anne

Nathan Gerbe and I are now Frenemies

by Anne

Dear Dallas:

NOT. COOL.

Love,
Anne

---

Private to Brenden Morrow:

You basically had a natural hat trick last night. Unfortunately, only 1 of them counted. Please review how to cleanly and legally put the puck in the net.

Love,
Anne

---

Private to Nate Gerbe:

Thanks for rejecting my Facebook friend request. There's no way you could even know about this psychotic blog, so its either that you think I'm just a rabid Sabres fan OR you have this bizarre practice of not friending people you don't actually know. Whatev. You're dead to me. STAY IN BC FOR ALL I CARE!

No! Gerb-man, I don't really mean it, please come to Buffalo ASAP but don't reject my love when I stalk you downtown. Thanks.

Love,
Anne

---

Private to Pat Kane:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Love,
Anne

---

Dear Team USA Powerplay:


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Love,
Anne

---

Dear Team USA Even Strength:

Yyyyyyeah, uhhhhh could you try that again? I mean excellent work on getting the powerplays, but even strength goals are just as sexy, if not sexier.

Love,
Anne

---

Private to Tim Tom:

I'm glad you're as focused on your age and deep forehead lines as I am.

Love,
Anne

Team USA or Camp Morningwood? You Decide

by Anne

I was only kidding when I said Team USA Mini Camp was like Sleep Away Camp for NHLers. However, Adam Burish's recent blog post has done nothing to convince me that it's not. It's got such a "Dear Mom and Dad" feeling to it. Here's a sampling:

On Monday, we woke up and went to practice. Following practice the coaches informed us they set up an afternoon of paintballing for the team. So we all jumped on the bus and drove a half hour outside of Portland to a paintball field.

So the coaches are like the counselors, apparently. Are these kids so easily distracted and won't hang out with their teammates that they coaches have to create organized group outings for them? Did they have to pair off on the buddy system? They were the "old" (25+) guys v. the "young" guys (24 and younger). What is that like Halpie, Pommer and Tim Tom v. everyone else? Did Staffy and Zachy Poo use Gerb-dogg as a shield as part of their master plan of attack? Something tells me Tim Tom still fired at will. I bet Kaner was their Benedict Arnold. He totes chose new Big Brother Pommerdoodle over the Thrashmetal Zombie.

The funniest part of the experience was right when we showed up Matt Greene and Zach Parise went right to the middle of the field and on the count of three started shooting point blank at each other as we all looked on.

We've uncovered the secret to the downfall of the Edmonton Oilers and New Jersey Devils: Zachary "One smile and all is forgiven" Parise and Matt "Corner me and get me to tell you a story" Greene do not get that you aren't supposed to open fire on your own teammate. That is BAD for your team if your teammate is incapacitated. Way to alternately lead, Alternate Captain Zachy-poo.

Yes, ladies and gents, these fine young men represent our nation. Tears come to the eyes.

A group of lobstermen, who are men that catch lobsters for a living, hosted our whole team and staff for an unbelievable dinner of fresh caught lobsters, clams and mussels.

Thank you for clarifying, Adam Burish. Here I was, perpelxed that there was a host of gigantically-clawed half-men half-fish roaming Portland, Maine freely stuffing the faces of passing hockey players with seafood.

Although, yo, Team USA sounds like a BLAST. I bet Team Canada is all regimented and "DON CHERRY SAYS WE'RE THE BEST!" and don't have fun group outings. Even the massage therapist got in on the action and ate 3 lobsters. That's AWESOME. I would totally rather hang out with Team USA.

I hear Dmitri Kalinin is a funny guy. I bet he and Ovie are creating all sorts of glorious Soviet mischief and Afinogenov doesn't think its funny.

Team USA starts off the Tournament on Friday against Latvia at 7:15 EDT. You can watch the games here.

DID EVERYONE BUY THEIR KIDS DAY NEWSPAPER?

by Anne


I only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before so I wasn't too emotionally invested in the Habs/Flyers game. I've resolved to only watch the 3rd period of hockey games that I don't give a hoot about. Had I watched ONLY the 3rd period of last night's game, it would've been waaaaaaaaay more exciting than watching the whole thing. Nice last ditch effort there, Montreal. Maaaaaayyybe you should've displayed some of that offensive ZIP earlier in the game? Maybe? No? Ok.


On to things more Sabres-related:


Pommerdoodle was NOT named Captain or Alternate Captain of Team USA. This saddens me. It doesn't surprise me that any of our other (Sabre and non-Sabre Buffalo) boyz were not tagged. I suppose the fact that Pommerdoodle is only pseudo-American could have contributed and Halpie is the oldest skater.


Zachy-poo is rocking an A. It's in place of his missing chompers. Probably by next season I'll stop mentioning his teeth everytime I mention him.


Staffy shouldn't be rewarded with a letter after his craptastical season. Who else was surprised that Staffy was on the PK for Team USA? How often so we use him in Buffalo on special teams? He's not the first player I think of when I think of "clutch special team performer". That title goes to Pat Kaleta, HA!


Anyhoot, Adam Burish is bloggin' it up about training camp. Having not yet perused it, I can only hope it is as "What I did on my Summer Vacation"-esque as Pommer's Blog is on Sabres.com.

Reading.....reading....reading...

Damn, he appears to be far more coherent and concise than Pommer, or, here's a THOUGHT, maybe there's someone who actually EDITS it for him? Sabres.com needs an editor like there's no tomorrow. There are so many typos and grammatical errors in that thing, it hurts my heart.


Apparently, what we can learn is that if you ever get chance to meet Matt Greene, ask him to tell you a story.

This man is very funny, Adam Burish wants you to corner him

---

Private to Tim Tom:

You're 34 years old. In any other place in the world, you would still be considered young. However, in professional sports, particularly hockey, you're bordering on senility. And, on this extremely young Team USA, you're practically one foot in the grave. Please remember that, while you are still a young man, in the grand scheme of things, you are not, in fact, 23. Please do not act like you are. I much prefer you to be crotchety and old. Besides, I need you to keep Phil "Mr. Yick" Kessel in line. Apparently he and Gerb-O are tight. Please keep them apart when at all possible.

Love and Geritol,

Anne

---

Private to Marty Biron:

I loved when you were laying down in the net and then the goal cam like zoomed in on your face. It was freaky and awesome. I really hope there's a picture of that up somewhere...I'll go investigate... poo, I can't find it, but it was totally great. One of my favorite sights in the world is when a goaltender just lays down on his back to cover the puck. It looks so weird, hahaha.

Ok I couldn't find it but I found your usual yammering wacky self on the Hockey Show. You're so insane and I love your purse and your attempts to justify everything in there . :'( I miss Marty.

You'd be the only reason I'd be happy if the Flyers won this series. Just you...and a little bit Danny, but only because he's never won the Cup and Slaggy over in New York has.

How's the new bambino?

Love and I'll totally babysits,

Anne

STOP THE PRESSES!

by Anne


Even more gents have been added to Team USA today.

Welcome to the team, Mr. Yick:
Phil Kessel, Boston Bruins
There really is no reason that I don't like Phil Kessel, I just don't




TIM TOM!, Boston Bruins
Bringing the average age of the team up to, like, 25

And, lastly, and basically the whole reason for this post:

Who's been invited to try-out Team USA at the camp and hang out with new future BFFs Staffy and Pommerdoodle?

NATHAN DAVID GERBE!
Bringing the average height of the team down to 5'8"
(I found his middle name on a website when I was looking for a picture of him)

I was already pretty pumped to be welcoming Nate-Dogg (Gerb-Dogg? still working on it) into my SabreHeart next season, but he's getting an opportunity even sooner than expected. WOOOO! Things are tough when I'm this excited about an un-signed (DARCY?!) prospect going to just try-out for Team USA, not even for the Sabres. I hope Staffers and Pommerdoodle are nice to him...but still give him a hard time about being pint-sized. (He fits in my pocket!)

---

Private to Nathan David Augustus Gerbe:

Dear Nathan,

I'm aware you more than likely don't have a 2nd middle name, and if you do, it probably isn't Augustus. Anyhoot, please leave college early and come to the Sabres. Please? At least come to camp this summer! I'll totally be there cheering you on! I know I won't have trouble finding you. It'll look like take your little brother to Rookie Camp Day.

Look, Gerb-meister, I told you I'd harp on your height for the duration of your career, so get used to it. Ok, if it helps, I promise to wear flats to games.

Love and heel lifts,

Anne

---

Private to Patrick Kane

Dear Kaner:

OMGIHOPEYOUWINTHECALDERI'DBESOEXCITEDI'MNOTSUREWHATI'DDO.

Ahem, I mean, congratulations on your nomination. May the best rookie win. And by best I mean "most Buffalonian" and by "rookie" I mean "player named Patrick Kane". I do enjoy Nicklas Backstrom, and Jonathan Toews is pretty sweet too, because his name looks basically NOTHING like it's pronounced.

KANERRRRR!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!

Love and Calder Trophies,

Anne