Who'd Have Thought?

by Anne

I can't access Twitter or Facebook on my work computer but I can update my much-neglected little bloggaroo.

So it seems I've started a new job. Six months of unemployment was plenty, thankyouverymuch. We're fresh into week two right now and no end in sight. I'm temping in downtown Buffalo and it is LAUGH A MINUTE FUN. While this job might be wicked boring, at least it gives me time to update this. AND, if Iwork down here, which is right around the corner from the office I was working in when I started this precious little blog's predecessor, I will be a mere hop, skip, and a jump from HSBC Arena come fall. As it's not likely I'll still be working here then, I won't get my hopes up too high.

It's amazing how my playoff frenzied fervor immediately disappears when each and every team I have actual emotional attachment to is eliminated. First we said good-bye to the Los Angeles Kings, who lost in un-ceremonious overtime fashion at the hands of one Cap'n Joe Thornton. Then we bid adieu to the Buffalo Sabres who, it seems, could not recover from their back-breaking game 6 loss to Danny Briere and Pseudo-Pronger. Then the Penguins, who made it farther than anyone would've predicted without their two-headed scoring monster, were ousted by the bandwaggonable Tampa Bay Lightning.

The second round has almost entirely passed me by. Whoops. During the Bruins/Flyers series, I wasn't so much rooting for the Bruins as I was cheering against the Flyers... and a little bit for TimTom. Because, COME ON. It's Tim Thomas. How can you not love Tim Thomas? He CRAZY. And to think the Bruins almost parted ways with the crochety old net-minder last off-season.

It's hard for me to give a hoot about the Western Conference. The only team I actually WANT to win, is the Predators. However, if the Canucks defeat them, I won't exactly weep into my bowl of Special K the next morning.

The truth is, the reason I don't want the Canucks to win it all has nothing to do with the team or their fans or their city. The real reason is because I hate for the list of  "never won"s to get even shorter and my precious little Sabres and Kings are still sitting there, waiting for their turn to eat Special K out of Lord Stanley's cereal bowl.

Alas, if the Canucks win it all, I shall be happy for them and their fans. Totally jealous of course, but happy none the less.

Behbeh Alex Burrows thanks you for your time.



Its Official: Everyone Hates Joe Thornton

by Anne

San Jose fans hate him, Boston fans hate him, opponents he's made fools of in the regular season hate him, and now? Team Canada hates him.

By now everyone knows about San Jose's soul-crushingly embarrassing dismissal in the first round of the playoffs by the eighth seeded Anaheim Ducks. Once again, a lot of the blame is being placed on Thornton. It was so bad, he fled the Arena 20 minutes after the final buzzer.

How do you solve a mystery like Joe Thornton?

It took him a lot longer to develop than most great 18-year-olds, but he has become a dominant power forward and one of the best offensive talents in the game – when there is no pressure.

Ouch. All true things that can be said about Joe. His rookie season he had seven points in 55 games. Now he had 86 in 82 games. A significant improvement.

This article places a lot of team failure on one person. Did they stop to compare which players were also on the following teams:

Internationally, he was on Canada’s team that placed fifth at the 2001 World Championship, and he wasn’t chosen for the 2002 Olympics. He helped Canada win the 2004 World Cup of Hockey, and a year later he won a silver medal with Canada at the World Championship at the end of the lockout season, but in 2006 he was one of several big-name players who performed horribly at the Olympics in Turin en route to a worst-ever seventh-place finish.

Article author Andrew Podnieks would have us all believe that Joe Thornton is single-handedly going to kill hockey forever. If Jumbo Joe is on Team Canada 2010, the Earth will open up and swallow the city of Vancouver and all of the competitors in a blaze of glory that will find Joe Thornton at the epi-center.

Poor Joe. I think the only solution is to try his luck in Buffalo where they don't make the playoffs anyway.

Ah, the 2004 World Cup
Not the same as the Stanley Cup, eh Joe?
Oh. Right. Sorry.

Our All-Star picks

By S(h)ara and Anne

(but typed by Anne)

Sabretooth's House is pleased to bring you the result of hours of debate and investigation on our own All-Star roster. We've scoured the Eastern Conference, plodded our way through the West. Examining roster photo after roster photo, delving deeper into our investigation so ascertain the most important questions of them all:

Which players would be selected on teams of All-Star Hottness?

S(h)ara and Anne began their tireless search to answer this question that has plagued both woman and man kind since the beginning of the 2007-2008 season. After hours of pouring over photos and searching out evidence to make our case, we feel we have put together 2 rosters that exude a level of sexiness and lovability that surpasses the rest of the players in the NHL.

Stats and skills? Psh, we disregard those here. True, some of these men have both stolen our hearts and some scoring titles along the way, but that is serendipity and nothing more. We've been forced to look away from favorites who are, shall we say, less than aesthetically pleasing in favor of the pure raw, animal sexiness of their teammates.

Here we are pleased to bring you the Starting Line-ups in the East and West teams of Hottness:


The Honor of Hottest Left Winger in the East goes to:

Mr. Chrisopher Higgins of the Montreal Canadiens

Chris Higgins teaches children about computers

Then shows off his badass tattoo and killer quads in the weight room

The honor of sexiest Center in the Eastern Conference goes to:

One Mr. Vincent Lecavalier of the Tampa Bay Lighting:

Enjoy your time on the Throne, King Vinny

Close your eyes, open your arms, and I'll give you biiiiiig hug

Filling out the line as Hottest Right Winger in the Eastern Conference is:

Patrick Eaves of the Ottawa Senators

Yes Patrick, you made the right choice in turning pro, that way you could be on this All-Star Roster

The quirky cuteness of this photo went a long way toward your selection

On to the blue liners.

We are VERY excited to announce that one of our own:

Mr. Nathan "Ol' Blue Eyes" Paestch was selected as one of our Defensemen:

Oh Patches, you're just so darn cute!

I mean, come on! Can you resist?

Boy even has a cute roster photo

Finally, covering the blue line with Mr. Paetsch is:

Mr. Ivan Baranka

What's that you say? He plays for Hartford? He's not in the NHL?"

That's right. 1 game still counts.

Don't fight it, just enjoy

Finally, the sexiest netminder in the East (and, in Anne's opinion, the entire NHL, nay the entire world) is:

Mr. Ricky DiPietro

Even this crappy cell phone style photo can't hide the sexy

You sign that long term contract, Ricky

Here's Ricky composing a handwritten sonnet for Anne, how sweet

Phew. That was quite the endeavor. We have to do some honorable mentions. Those who came this close, but one of those boys just beat them out.

We have:

Zach "Staffy's BFFL" Parise


Buffalo's favorite bird: Paul "Goose" Gaustad

There were others, but there is a plethora of hot forwards in the Eastern Conference.

Onto the West

The hottest Left Winger in the West was a contested battle, but in the end the winner is:

Former Buffalo Sabre: Taylor Pyatt, now of the Vancouver Canucks

Admire the sexy badassedness as TayPie beats the snot out of a Blackhawk

TayPie is economical and gives his teammates a ride home

I didn't crop this photo because I want everyone to see that that is TimmyHo with hair in the passenger seat.

Moving down the line. Hottest Center in the West is:

Mr. Joseph Thornton of the San Jose Sharks

This selection was heavily debated as it was finally established that just because Anne loves Ryan Getzlaf an inordinate amount and he's funny does not make him hotter than Joey and she was forced to concede.

Smile pretty, Thorns!

Thorns doesn't just listen, he LISTENS.

Can many men wear a possibly baby blue grey sweatshirt? Thorns can

Covering the Right Wing for the West is:

Martin Havlat of the Chicago Blackhawks
(One must look past his roster photo to fully appreciate)

Marty really likes the team's new jerseys

Even in the off-season, Marty sexes it up with his athleticism

And, one of our beloved Easterners is now a Westerner and makes this roster as a hot D-man:

Sheldon Souray of the Edmonton Oilers


The pink shirt, the bedroom eyes... le swoon


Supermodel? Soap Star? Sheldon Souray

His partner in defensive sexiness is:

Ryan Caldwell of the Phoenix Coyotes

(Ok, much like Ivan Baranka, Caldy actually plays in the AHL with Syracuse, but he's played 2 NHL games, twice as many as Baranka)


Hee! Look at the smile. He looks like Anne's friend Jack. That's probably why we think he's cute

Here's little Ryan when he was in college, giving a jersey to the commander in chief

And finally, between the pipes we have:

Thomas Greiss of the San Jose Sharks

He was even a shark in Germany! Fate
(Kölner Haie means Cologne Sharks)

German, Canadian, American - all that matters is if yous is hot

Honorable Mentions:

(Anne's personal favorite)
Ryan Getzlaf


Getzy carries the cup through London


Eric "Yes I used to be an Islander" Godard of the Calgary Flames

That's all folks. This took way too long. But Anne would give her left leg to see these teams play each other. S(h)ara would give a limb as well. Sigh.