Blogging

by Anne

I realized the other day that there are A LOT of blogs I read that irritate me. They irritate me for a variety of reasons. Most of the time they irritate me because they're not clever, they're not interesting, they're just someone regurgitating what happened in a game as it happened, not with their own thoughts, that are unique to them and I can't read in the Buffalo News tomorrow morning. I like people who are funny, who offer a different way to look at something, offer content that can't really be found anywhere else or talk about subjects rarely discussed.

One thing in particular that bothers me is when someone refers to a team as theirs or acts as though they are the only person to ever have loved a team or an individual player. Blogs are personal responses and I totally understand that, but one of the things I love about blogging about a team or teams is finding other bloggers who are as passionate and dedicated about the team you both love. Playing hockey is not an individual effort, so cheering for a team shouldn't be either. Share the love, people.

Before you go all "But Anne, you're really not all that interesting or blahhhhhh...." I'm not saying that I am, and if I checked my analytics sometime and no one's reading my blog, I'll stop. However, this blog, tiny though it may be gets thousands of hits every month, so someone must find something I have to say on the outside edge of interesting.

Back to the individual player thing: several other bloggerladies and I have discussed this so I want to know what you guys think too. It drives us CRAZY when someone who has never professed any affinity for a team or player suddenly LOVES a player when they do something good. I won't give examples of individuals who do this because that would be rude but if Tyler Kennedy scores a hat trick tomorrow, I won't suddenly be all "I LOVE TYLER KENNEDY AHHHH!!!!" I'll say "Well done, sir. You are still really fug." Ok that was mean, but he is. A good hockey player, but fug. On the converse, I have a short list of players whom I adore but I do not hope to pretend I am the only person who cheers for these players. Except for the fact that I'm probably the only Matt Greene fan in Buffalo, I don't claim any exclusive ownership to loving individual players. I have a short list of favorite players and it occurred to me the other day that not a single one of them is a Sabre. Now that Sissy has left, there are no other players that I'm consistently excited about. So, anytime Darcy wants to acquire one of those boys, I'll be ready to buy their jersey :)

I felt a little disheartened over the summer with my lack of interest in blogging and the corresponding lackluster hits, so I'm very glad to see that people are coming back to read not only this blog, but hockey blogs in general.

Thanks for coming back!

Sissy's in the line-up

by Anne

While perusing the Canadiens website, my worst fears were confirmed: Sissy will be suiting up tonight against the Sabres. :(

He's still wearing #6.




I miss mah Sissy.

He's been playing well for the Habs. He has three points (1+2) in the Habs four pre-season games. Tonight's is their last and they're apparently heading to Toronto to hang out and bond. Why Toronto? I'm pretty sure the Maple Leafs fans won't be overjoyed to spot them out and about on Yonge Street.

I don't feel well. I blame Sissy.

WHY?

by Anne

I knew it was coming but it doesn't make it suck any less.

Sissy's leaving me :(

I'm really way too sad about this.

How could you leave me here with THEM?!

So sad.

He's a smelly old Hab.

They won't appreciate is abruptness and caveman tendencies.

I will miss mah Sissy.

Free Agency LiveBlogish

by Anne

So on Trade Deadline Day, I kept a blog post going that I continually updated.

So far, all that's happened today is I decided to eat Special K for breakfast. The make-up of the entire NorthEast division is shaken.

Well, Gomez and Higgins swapped places yesterday along with some AHL type players and Bouwmeester signed in Calgary for five years. There was a deal in place to send Heatley to Edmonton, yet for some reason he said 'No' and will not waive his no-trade clause for it. What a douche.

10:15 am: opted for Cheerios instead of Special K. Story developing...

10:48: Drinking coffee out of my Mom's "I love My Cocker Spaniel" travel mug. In case I need to go somewhere and take my coffee with me...

10:55: Discovered I am drinking out of the wrong whole in the top of the travel mug. Situation has been remedied. No wonder it was taking so long to drink.

11:25: Danrick and Heniel Sedin sign identical 5 year contracts worth $6.1 million per year. Yay!!

12:00: It's nooooooon! Wooooooo!!!!

12:01: What do you MEAN, nothing's happened yet?!

12:10: Oh no, I have to pee. I can't tear myself away. Too much coffee.

12:15: Mattias Ohlund signs with Tampa Bay. Alix will be devastated. I'm sad :(

12:35: The first caller question they take on NHL Live is about the Sabres. Like most people EJ thinks they won't do much today. He mentioned Sissy testing the market and my heart broke a little :(

12:48: Radek Dvorak re-signs in Florida. My world is completely turned on its head.

1:00: Kovalev staying in Montreal? Komisarek heading home to the Islanders? All rumors kicking around Twitter.

1:14: Colton Orr signed by Maple Leafs 4 years/4 million. $1 million/year Word?

1:17: The less cool defenseman in the NHL named Greene (Andy) re-signs with the Devils. Good.

1:23: Caller on NHL Live mentions that the Islanders are struggling to meet the cap FLOOR. And they've got Tavares hype, Chelios has said he'd play there, Komisarek could get a big salary from them. Things look good for the Islanders these days. Clearly they didn't get this way by over spending.

1:36 Kovalev officially re-signs with Montreal. Two years for about $8.8 million.

1:41: David Booth signs 6 year contract extension with the Panthers.

1:45: Maybe Kovalev didn't sign? Lots of conflicting reports. Pierre Lebrun told EJ Hradek that Kovalev's agent said no deal has been reached.

1:52: Craig Anderson going to Colorado. Really securing those top goalies, aren't we, Avs?
I think I'm the only one who doesn't think this is an answer. Darren Pang agrees, thank goodness.

2:06:Hossa officially a Blackhawk. Ugh. Its a lot of years. Matt Walker signs with Tampa from Chicago for 4 years.

2:11: Hossa signs for TWELVE YEARS but only $5.2 million a year. Ty Conklin signs with St. Louis for two years.

2:24: Dwayne Roloson signs with the Islanders. Excellent signing in my opinion. If the Islanders sign Komisarek and Tavares can play the way people hope he can, things are looking better for the Islanders next season.

2:31: Are you all sitting down? No, really, you'll want to sit down for this. THE BUFFALO SABRES MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY SIGNED SOMEONE I'VE HEARD OF TODAY. I know! I don't believe it either. Steve Montador is apparently a Sabre. I'm not sure about this. It's not confirmed.

2:32: Sabres texts were on the ball. Its official. Two years of the Full Monty in Buffalo.

2:42: Apparently MJ says the Full Monty has off-ice antics like Timmy. Yessss!!! As long as he's not as injury prone, I'm ok with it.

2:51: Donald Brashear goes to New York. Fills in the hole left by Colton "I ain't Bobby" Orr.

2:54: Knuble signs with the Capitals. Also, I missed that Thomas Kopecky signed with Chicago.

3:08: Scott Niedermayer signs with Anaheim for 1 year $6million. I guess that means he won't retire in August.

3:15: Joel Ward stays in Nashville, Aaron Rome signs with Vancouver and Lucas Krajicek stays with Tamps. Ho-kay.

3:24: Quote from Sabres Edge, from Montador's agent makes me feel fine about his signing. I wasn't against it, but I'm really really appreciating the commitment Darcy has made to signing physically tough, no-quit players:

"He’s a solid, character individual who comes to play every night," Montador’s agent, Steve Kasper, said by phone. "He was looking to go to a place that has the same type of reputation as a team, competes hard, and Buffalo is a hockey city. He couldn’t be happier."

3:30: Brian Boucher is signed to back-up Ray Emery in Philly. He was in net for this goal, btw:

Ha.

3:51: My beloved Sissy has apparently signed with Montreal for 3 years. I'm devastated. OUR OWN DIVISON, TOO?!?!?

3:55: MONTREAL? REALLY? COME ON! There's no WAY they'll appreciate his caveman-like appearance and startlingly blunt interview style up there! Whyyyyy?!?!?!

4:00: Khabibuln to Emdonton. SISSY USED TO PLAY FOR EDMONTON!!

4:02: Ok, well I have to get ready for work, so this "Live Blog" will end on an extremely sour note. :( Habs fans, take care of Sissy.

Draft in Review

by Anne

I was at rehearsal, where I've been a lot for the last few days and will continue to be for the rest of the summer.

I wasn't able to learn anything about any of the prospects until I returned home last night.

Here are my pithy insights:

HOLY CRAP! Everyone we drafted was at least 6'0" tall!

Round 1:

Zack Kassian -Windsor, ON. 6'3", 210 lbs, RW.

He seems adorably dim and he started out as a figure skater. Amazing. He said his favorite team was Toronto growing up but when asked about this situation now he said: "Now its the Buffalo Sabres...Toronto, I don't like them at all." Well done, Mr. Kassian. He's big, he hits a lot, he scores a lot. Buffalo will like him. He already works out with and knows Mike Weber and knows of Patty Kaleta

ETA: Love for Mr. Kassian from Maine Hockey Blog: “My brother really stepped in there to be a father figure,” Kassian said to the NHL.com. “I have to give a lot of credit to my mom and my brother. They drove me everywhere, got me where I needed and made me the man I am today. They deserve a lot of credit and I thank them a lot.”

Round 2: Nothing doin'

Round 3:

Brayden McNabb - Sasktatoon, SK. 6'4" 200lbs, D

Well we got a Brayden from Saskatoon. Granted, the Brayden I would've hoped for was Schenn, but McNabb works as well. There wasn't much to report from him at the draft, I don't think he was there, so there were no interviews. He's a defenseman. He was tied for the team lead in goals scored by a defenseman this year.

Round 4:

Marcus Foligno - Buffalo, NY - 6'2" 200lbs - LW

Son of Mike. Born in Buffalo when his dad played here. The better looking but perhaps less talented brother of Nick. He had better do the leap if/when he scores his first NHL goal. Do it for Dad, and for the fans, Marky Mark.

Round 5:

Mark Adams - Massachusetts (?) 6'2" 187 lbs

I can't find much of anything out about this kid other than he plays high school hockey and he's committed to play college hockey in Providence. He played for Malden Catholic high school in Massachusetts. He was taken #134 but was not ranked among the 210 North American skaters. Ho-kay?

Round 6:

Connor Knapp - Harrell, NY. 6'5" 215 lbs - G

He's super tall. Built like Millsy but bigger. Plays for Miami of Ohio. Played for Boston of the EJHL. Uhh, he was hella good when he played there. He posted a record of 22-1-0 in 2006-07 with three shutouts and a 1.66 goals-against average. Yeesh.

Round 7:

Maxime Legault - Mont Tremblant, QC. 6'2" 195 lbs - RW

Um, he has the same birthday as my sister, so I'm down.

In other team news: The Kings took Brayden Schenn 5th over all, the Pens took Simon Despres. I'd seen a few mock drafts that had the Sabres taking Despres but, if he fell to 30th overall, I wonder the validity of those drafts. The Canucks got Jordan Schroeder who most people feel was a steal at #22 and most analysts thought he'd go at least in the top 20.

All in all, yet another exciting(?) draft.

Also, Chris Pronger as a Phlyer? Barf.

The Flames acquiring Bouwmeester (or his negotiating rights anyway) is pretty sweet and helps keep them in the running to be a team I enjoy next season. However, if JBo walks away from the Flames, they'll be back to square 1. The Kings traded Brian Boyle to the Rangers. I'm not losing sleep over this.

Free Agency on Wednesday!

If any of you who read this blog cheer for the team that Jaroslav Spacek signs with (sob) on Wednesday... treat him well!! :'(

I Can't Talk About it

by Anne

The Sabres have made an offer to Sissy, yet Darcy feels that normally when a deal is not struck by now, the player is going to try their luck on July 1.

Here is what I have to say about that:

Do. Not. Want.
:'(
I wants mah Sissy tah stay.



Please?

A Plea.

by Anne

All this talk of contract extension, etc. being offered to many players makes me sad. Why, you ask? Because my team has not yet done anything about re-signing the only two UFAs I'm terribly fond of:

Jaroslav "Sissy" Spacek

Matt "I'm totally sweet" Ellis
I'm not sure if my addition of the mustache will help but I figure it can't hurt

I can haz both of them back next season? :)

You Can Swoon Over Paul Gaustad All You Want

by Anne

Buffalo.com Spotted is where I found these two gems:

Drew Stafford knows how to have a good time



Oh Sissy.
I wish I knew how to quit you.

Two Minutes for....Doing Your Job?

by Anne

That was the weirdest penalty I've ever seen. It was like time stood still. Miller snatched the puck and nothing in the Arena happened. We were all just kind of like "doot doot doo whistle people can go their sea- wait, where's the whistle? What's happening?"

That was one of the weirder moments I've experienced in person. The chorus of "BUUUUUULLSHIT BUUUUUULLSHIT" that rained down was magical.

Even Vinny Prospal who was like at the net was like "uhhhh, where's the whistle? Ok I'll just keep inching toward the goal.....?"

The linesman that was just standing there is fired. Where was the ref?

I'm Rule Book happy today:

Rule 63 – Delaying the Game

63.1 Delaying the Game – A player, goalkeeper or a team may be penalized when, in the opinion of the Referee, is delaying the game in any manner.

63.2 Minor Penalty - A minor penalty shall be imposed on any player, including the goalkeeper, who holds, freezes or plays the puck with his stick, skates or body in such a manner as to deliberately cause a stoppage of play. With regard to a goalkeeper, this rule applies outside of his goal crease area.

A minor penalty shall be imposed on a goalkeeper who, when he is in his own goal crease, deliberately falls on or gathers the puck into his body or who holds or places the puck against any part of the goal in such a manner as to cause a stoppage of play unless he is actually being checked by an opponent. (he didn't hold it against the goal, he had it in his glove).

I guess the ref decided that there's a new rule that if you don't hear a whistle within a second of freezing the puck you have to keep it moving, even if a player is right on top of your crease....? Te only rule that really applies is the first one and its a judgment call so its pretty hard to dispute that.

Weird. Well, I guess that's what happens when you call out refs in the media, RYAN.

Anyway, Thomas Vanek, have my babies, both of those goals were beautiful.

Goose and Mairsy, thank you for having sweet fights even if the tide turned against you at the end of your fight Mairsy, you were still B.A.

Goose's fight was a great example of a momentum changing fight. Because he won so clearly, the team and the fans were definitely motivated and I think it really helped to bring the team back around.

I really like come from behind victories, but I'd prefer "holding onto early lead" victories. But, a win is a win and I'll take it.

Dear Bill Clinton,

You were a great President, yours was the first presidency I paid any attention to. I think your wife is pretty cool too. I hope she'll be a great Secretary of State.

Thanks for coming to the Sabres game. The downstairs area was the cleanest its ever been.

I do, however, have 2 complaints.

1. Who told you that sweater looked good? and 2. thanks for shutting down the elevators so I had to walk up to the 300s. Its really not that far but I'm tired from being up all hours working on papers and my job is kind of physically demanding in that I'm on my feet for 4 hours straight. I never sit down, EVER. Sometimes I kneel, but usually when I kneel I'm balancing a large metal tray on one knee.

Anyway, thanks for supporting us!

Love,
Anne

I've heard so many horror stories about working Maple Leafs' games and I'm really not looking forward to Friday's game.

Pommer had quite possibly the most under the radar 3 point game of his career. I really had no idea he had 3 points until I checked the boxscore. LISTEN, SELLING ODDLY COLORED COTTON CANDY TAKES A LOT OF FOCUS. For real, some of that cotton candy looked downright bizzare. There was one bag that was a mixture of pink and green that just looked gray, and basically looked like a human brain. mmmmmmmm break me off a chunka that!

Anyway, picture time!

Goose! Your hand is still bandaged, I'm not so sure you should be pounding it into anything harder than your pillow at night!!
But that fight helped a lot, so good job.
Also I watched you and Gerbe chatting on the bench and it made me smile so thanks for just being awesome in general.
ETA: The other adorable Goose-moment was at one point he was chatting with a ref and they shared a chuckle (post-awkward penalty).
Paul Gaustad for UN Peace Ambassador
He'll sweep into Iran/Iraq/Afghanistan and have these misunderstandings all taken care of in a jiffy.
Israel and Pakistan will be BFFL once Goose gets in the mix.

Nathan, its fundamentals time. Puck in net, Player not in net.


Theeeeere ya go.

Dear Adam Mair,

You did not win "most hilarious facial expression" tonight. Sissy did by a LANDSLIDE vote of me and Oscar:


Ahahahahahahahahhahahaha
He looks like a cartoon caricature representing the North Wind

Only 1 more paper and 1 more test to go!!!!!!!!!

OK ITS ALL A FACADE! ITS ALL LIES! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!

by Anne

I CAN'T PRETEND I DON'T CARE!!! I DO CARE! I. CARE. SO. MUCH.

I'm a girl, I'm emotional, I cannot help but feel emotionally invested and somewhat protective of our boys in blue and gold. I can whine about them all I want, because I know that its coming from the heart, but SO HELP ME, if an outside analyst starts talkin' smack, I am QUICK to defend.

Ok, these last few weeks have been really tough as a Sabres fan. I think we are all aware of that. We all feel this frustration. I've tried going for the "EFF YOU, SABRES!" angle, but to no avail. I thought that if I acted like I didn't care it would be easier to take but its just not.

The reason this is all coming out now is because I read Ryan Miller's recently updated blog and I was reminded that "oh yeah, they don't like losing either." and that, oh yeah "I totally love Ryan Miller and this team will be ok".

Look, as much as I enjoy Pittsburgh and Vancouver, there is no team that I could ever throw as much of my heart and soul behind as the Buffalo Sabres. They're my team from my city and someday this painful losing streak will all be a distant, unpleasant memory and we'll be ok. We will. I promise. Remember 2002? That was a time when we almost lost the TEAM. This ain't nothing. They'll turn it around. It'll be ok. The Bills lost like 4 games in a row, turned around and beat the snot out of a crappy team that they HAD to beat. They needed that game for confidence and they got it and gave us all a little something to smile about. It'll get better.

I feel this picture is appropriate for most situations and I love it.
and him.
PIE!!! IT'S GONNA BE OK!


Sissy's working his hardest to climb out of this hole.
PULL, SISSY! PULL!


GOOSE! YOU KNOW WHAT ITS TIME FOR:



YER DAMN RIGHT, PAUL GAUSTAD.
DAMN.
RIGHT.
JUST DON'T LOOK AT THE FISH BEHIND YOU AND IT'LL BE OK



LET'S GO BUFF-A-LO!

THE BUFFALO SABRES ARE "GOOFBALLS", EMBRACE TAXIDERMY

by Anne

Does he at least have a name?

How about Seymour?

I mean just when I thought I couldn't love Jaroslav "Pigeon" Spacek any more than I already (and inexplicably) do, he brings about this DELIGHT.

Basically, the most impactful player of the game as decided by the players gets to keep this pigeon in their locker as a symbol of their success.

They're keeping track of the number of times each player gets the pigeon and the player who earned it the most times gets to keep it over the summer.

Apparently in Chicago they use a tomahawk, which, ya know has something to do with their team name.

The Sabres decide to pick up a dead bird on eBay and stick logo pins in it AND IT HAS ITS OWN COOP FOR WHEN THEY TRAVEL.

THAT'S HOW WE ROLL IN BUFFALO. DON'T HATE, APPRECIATE.

And Your Captain is:

by Anne

Craig Rivet. Permanently. No rotation.



I AM TOTALLY OK WITH THIS DECISION!!! WOOOOOO!!!

ROSIEEEEEEEE!!!

Pommer, Yoyo, Sissy and Teppo get the As


DISCUSS!!!

Just Breathe it In, Hockey Will Be Here Soon

by Anne

When all seems bleak. Just remember Jaroslav Spacek, the little defenceman that could:

Come on, Sissy, you can make it over the wall to the bench if you just BELIEVE you can! Pull!

A Seriously Perplexing Issue at Hand

by Anne

Hello, my name is Anne and I like lists.

We are a family of list makers, my mom, my aunt, my sister and myself. We like things in lists. To-do, grocery, naming all NFL teams whilst bored in meetings, listing all 50 states, etc.

So, it is HIGHLY perplexing to me that my #5 spot of favorite Sabre must remain vacant for so long (meaning 2 weeks).

Here's a refresher:

1. Pommer
2. Pie/Sissy
3. Yo-yo
4. Goose
5. Blankety Blank (f0rmerly Big Bear)

S(h)ara and I discussed the potential successors to this position in great detail tonight.

There was a brief attempt to point out that there are already 5 players on that list and 2 are tied for 2nd. However, I am completely unable to commit to Paille or Spacek as my #2, so the two remain tied, its like if the King had twin sons and no one recorded which one was technically born first, so who is the heir apparent? It is a title unable to be determined by we mere mortals.

Jason Pominville's tushy is currently seated in the throne of my SabreHeart, but his hold is tenuous. My love is like a tornado, it changes suddenly and without warning; it can be catastrophic. I can all but guarantee that he will not fall out of my top 5, but if he does, LOOK OUT. The only way this could not mean CHAOS in my SabreHeart is if Pommer is ousted specifically so that a new #1 may be immediately crowned. If he's ousted because he suddenly loses his mind and becomes terrible and a new player must assume the throne, how could I possibly choose between PieYAY! and Sissy? There would need to be physical challenges and American Gladiator style battles (which is funny because neither of them are American). I'm also envisioning a cook-off and someone hiring me a personal driver and daily massages. I'm not sure if a more scientific selection process exists?! If it does, please let me know.

There is absolutely no chance that Yo-yo could ever lose my love. Jochen Hecht could hold our mascot, my kitty, Oscar at gunpoint and I'd still love his mint green mouth guard and inhumanly adorable lisp. He is up there to stay.

Remember when Yo-yo wore #71?
Yeah, neither do I.

But remember that time he was injured this season and we got a totally adorable intermission interview with Yo-yo in his adorable suit coupled with his adorable lisp and his over all amazingly awesome consistent defensive style of play? I'm pretty sure my heart literally exploded at that moment. AND WHEN HE SCORED GOAL #20 AND I ACCIDENTALLY HIGH-FIVED A LAMP BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED!!

Then there's Goose. He is currently 4 out of 4 of my top Sabres, yet he has an iron grip on his spot. S(h)ara said that for him to be knocked out "Goose would have to drive to Vancouver, stab Big Bear, and then come back and play for Ottawa" TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. Add to that a twirly evil mustache and tying Pommer to train tracks and he still might be able to keep his spot.

As always, this list is subject to change, but I'm sure it will be a mere rotation, and none of these boys (unless they lose their minds and start to suck out loud) will be completely demoted off the list. I mean, really, its not like they're Drew Stafford! Who I'm secretly hoping can worm his way back into my heart, btw.

I'm a fan of the strong but silent type. The kind of player who does his thing, plays his role well and doesn't expect a big hoopla over it. Pommer scores goals and works hard, and never shies away from criticism. Pie does the same and both are amazingly humble about it all, Sissy throws the hits and has his BULLET from the blueline on the power play. Goose provides the energy and the physical presence. Yoyo is the defensive-minded forward of my hopes and dreams. He sets up Pommer and they play extremely well together. I like modesty, it makes me smile, especially when the player is totally kick-ass, like all of these gentlemen are.

Only time will tell who will fill out my list. S(h)ara is pretty convinced it'll be Craig Rivet. Or, rather, she's pretty sure I'll fall in love with him, regardless of if he's top 5 or not. I'm thinking its going to be a battle among Staffy, Kaleta, Rivet and Grizz. Who knows, I could suddenly find myself drawn to Adam Mair's energy line style of play. Kotalik scores on the PP a lot, that could catch my fancy. Sekera or Weber could be my defensive all-star I've been waiting for. ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

---

Private to Ryan Miller:

Of course you're still my secret favorite Sabre and I literally squeal a little with joy that we've signed you everytime I think about it. YEEEE!

However, I should really let you know why you're my "secret" favorite player and not my flat-out "favorite player". Here is the sad but honest truth: I'm secretly afraid you'll suddenly flake out and be a huge disappointment someday.

Millsey! I'm sorry! Don't take this the wrong way! I don't want that to happen, of course! But, I've been burned in the past! I used to love Staffy and he exploded under the burden of my love! Ryan, I kind of love Tim Connolly. THINGS ARE TOUGH. I know! I'm weak!

So Ryan, I love you. It's true. But you'll be on my special reserve list. Perhaps someday this season, or maybe when you retire, I can truly let my love be known. For know, let's keep this between you and me.... and the people that read this blog...whoops.

Love,
Anne

Job Opening: #5

by Anne

Sabretooth's House would like to announce a job vacancy that must be filled. "Anne's Top 5 Favorite Sabres" is holding a job fair to fill it's latest vacancy - a hole left open by one Mr. Steven "Big Bear" Bernier.

1. Pommer
2. Pie/ Sissy
3. Yo-yo
4. Goose
5. ____ ?

Now accepting applications. Please be sure to indicate if you have any mad love for "the system", adorably sweet interview styles, a seemingly unquenchable desire to single-handedly save the world or a startlingly frank attitude towards discussing your team's shortcomings. Also be sure to indicate your ability to make yourself available for me to swoon over you at my leisure. Players previously featured in this list will be given stricter consideration, Drew Stafford and Ryan Miller. Better not be any grammatical errors!!!

All applications will be taken between the close of training camp and the season opener with the winner to be decided shortly thereafter. Craig Rivet, this will be a difficult process for you, but I trust you'll dazzle me with your application and hockey skillz. Please don't hate Buffalo!

Pommer, Pie-YAY, Sissy, Yoyo, Goose: Sabretooth is saving us a table at the smoothie stand, let's bounce. Don't want to keep him waiting.

The rest of you: #2 pencils ONLY!

Name:

Date of Birth:

Hometown:

Totally badass nickname:

Adorable childhood anecdote about your early hockey experiences:

Your 3 favorite things about Buffalo:

How do you take your coffee:

Team you hate the most:
(the answer is Ottawa, fyi)

WHY IS ADAM MAIR SO SCARY?:
If you ARE Adam Mair, then your question is: In how many ways can I make myself less scary?:


Should you be accepted, will you help to convince Nathan Gerbe to be my Facebook friend?:

Will YOU be my Facebook friend?!?!:

When presented with the opportunity to insult a list of players I despise, what will your plan of verbal attack be? Insulting their mother? Digging into deep long-repressed childhood fears? Discussing your, um, recreational activities with said players wife/girlfriend?:

Which player currently on my list do you think you're way better than and should be kicked off the list, yes this question is a trap, the answer is NONE OF THEM OR YOU'D ALREADY BE UP THERE, DREW STAFFORD:

Please also attach any adorably awkward childhood photos, past and recent photos of you lookin' snazzy and any and all photographs that will potentially make me weak in the knees.

And that should cover it for now. Flowers, Sabres merchandise, chocolate and cars are accepted as bribes. This is not an ethical organization, people.

Hockey Drought

by Anne

The last few days have been a mere sampling of what the off-season is like. No NHL hockey, no hockey of any kind, and the only Sabres we hear about are randoms who've just been signed. (Welcome Aboard Gerbster!)


What am I to write about today? The remaining playoffs? It's been a few days so I basically have lost a lot of interest in these proceedings.


Of course I want Ry-ry and Sid to pull out a series victory. I wonder if the lesser but funnier Marty B will be able to continue his whacked out crazy play over the remaining games. For the sake of the Penguins, I hope not. Then again, if the Penguins lose, these boys will need a shoulder to cry on and some lovin' up by random female fans from other cities who really don't have a lot emotionally invested in these playoffs.

If you were as smokin' hot as Ryan Malone and the crazy girl you were pouring your heart and soul to over Javashakes at Spot bolted out the door in a frenzy because she may or may not have seen Jaroslav Spacek, would that really do much to soothe your aching soul or boost your ego? Whatevs, Ry-ry. Let's give it a chance! If I see that cubic wonder I'll try to restrain myself. I said TRY!


Oh woe of woes on the Team USA front:


Cap'n Halpie hurted his knee and has to have surgery to fix it :(

That blows. I know its cool to represent your country, but it's really all in good fun, its not the type of situation where a serious knee injury is expected or something that you have to accept as part of the atmosphere. Poor Halpie! As I've said before, I'm an excellent nurse! WINK.


Tim Tom is also leaving the Tournament with an injury but apparently it's not as severe beacuse there's no article about it on NHL.com like there is about Halpster. Heaven forbid someone think Tim Tom's injury isn't as newsworthy. Why do I love Tim Tom so much? There's really no good reason, I just like him. WOOOO! Get better soon Tim Tom!


Neither Adam Burish nor Ryan Miller have updated their blogs in DAYS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IF THEY WON'T TELL ME? Fo' reals, boys. Inquiring minds want to know. Per Millsey's advice I did drink some cheladas the other night...actually I drank them before I read his blog, but if he asks, I was totes following his advice. And, per Adam Burish's advice I cornered someone named Matt Greene and tried to force them to tell me a funny story, but they WOULDN'T. I couldn't find the hockey player so I Facebooked someone.


I decided to peruse the USA Hockey media guide (which Kaner is on the cover of, btw) to see what it had to offer us. On the top of his page, Pommerdoodle's hometown is listed as Buffalo, NY. Even though in his "personal" information paragraph it does say that he was born in Quebec. I hate when things are inaccurate though. I happen to know Pommer had 68 pts in 06-07 (34+34) the only reason I remember is because it's really easy to remember, however the media guide short changes him a goal and says he only scored 33.

Jordan Leopold and Brandon Dubinsky were JUST named to the team yesterday and they're already in there. That's dedication by whichever unsuspecting intern had to look up all their stats. Ha.

Whoever decided to use this picture of Staffy is my new BFFL and is probably a Parise

In other Sabres/IIHF World Championship news. An interview with Sabres 2005 2nd round draft pick, and the only German selected in that draft, Philippe Gogulla.

I'm really obsessed with Cliff Bars, especially the chocolate chip:

Curse you Peter for introducing me to them!

I've eaten one for breakfast everyday for the past week or so. They're like $.99 each at Wegman's. Breakfast for a dollar! And they fill you up! And they're organic! And I feel like I'm eating a giant extra chewy chocolate chip cookie! Woo!


We better sign someone else today or something because I'm strapped for HockeyInspiration over here. I haven't seen a Sabre in DAYS on TV or in their living room, er, um, I mean, at the grocery store.

Oh yeah, predicitions for this round: Pens in 6, Wings in 5.

FYI: Sidney Crosby is Not an Alien

by Anne

Maxime Talbot is taking the words right out of my mouth:

According to Maxime Talbot, Sidney Crosby’s faint attempt at growing a playoff beard makes him look “greasy.” As for the mustache he has going right now, Talbot said that makes him look “like Zorro.”

I prefer "like a hillbilly with a rusted out pickup truck", but "Zorro" works too.


Marc-Andre Fleury weighs in on the "let's show people Sid isn't a robot" campaign:

Fleury said when he and Crosby were both out with high ankle sprains earlier this year, they spent a lot of time at the goalie’s house playing Call of Duty 4 on Xbox 360. The game is so popular the Penguins take it on the road with them.

Oh, NHL, you're trying so hard to promote him as: THIS GUY WILL CHANGE HOCKEY FOREVER. SIDNEY CROSBY IS OUR MESSIAH....uhhhh but he plays Xbox too! Haha! He can't grow a playoff beard! Look how NORMAL he is! Yup, he's tooooootallly normal. Except for, ya know, that we treat him like he can turn water ino wine and all that and he's probably the best hockey player in the past decade stuff, but LOOK! He drinks gatorade! He eats food! He sleeps! He's a person too! Did we mention he's YOUNG? Look how YOUNG he is! He can't even buy alcohol in this country yet!

I love Sid the Kid, but, unlike my love for most hockey players, I have little desire to have "relations" with him. I'm sure he calls them "relations" because calling it anything else makes him blush under his peach fuzz. I think my lack of desire for Sid the Kid is his freakishly squeaky clean image. He's probably not really afraid of girls, but he just has such a "good guy" image that it turns me off. It's probably why I mostly like guys and players that look like they would have no problem with beating the living tar out of someone (Goose, Big Bear, Staffy) notable exception: Pommerdoodle. Eh, well, I still loves him and I bet he's more intimidating in person....no probably not, but that's ok, I think I could beat Derek Roy in a fistfight..again, that's probably not true, because I couldn't bring myself to punch Roysie and hopefully he feels the same way about hitting girls.

Oh yeah AND THEN THEY LOST 3-0 TO THE RANGERS. That is NOT COOL. Avery is LITERALLY in INTENSIVE CARE. I did say, however, that I thought the Rangers would win this won. But, they should be GONE after the next one. Is that CLEAR, Ry-ry? Sid? Geno? Gronk? Heh? Good, now let's take care of this.


Soooooo, I checked NHL.com for a score of the Wings/Avs game and it was 7-1 at the intermission. Last I had checked it was 1-1. WOW. Um, who was the MORON who picked the Avs? That would be this girl. What the hell was I thinking? I hope the Red Wings don't win the cup, but mostly because I just flat out won't care. I won't be excited or mad, it'll be an overall feeling of "eh, Datsyuk's ugly". And, because the Douche Canoe (TM Interchangeable Parts) has declared that the Red Wings are going to take my Millsey away, I just want to pretend they don't exist. Millsey can't play for them if they aren't REAL! That's what I'm going to tell him and his agent.


T-Minus like an hour until the World Championships start in Halifax. I hope Team USA is finished playing lasertag and making macramés hockey sticks in time to show up to play Latvia tonight night.


Team USA is ranked 7th in the world, Canada is 3rd behind Finland and Sweden. I know we have some BANGIN' Finnish (Toni, Selanne, the Koivu brothers) and Swedish (Hank the Tank, Zetterberg, Backstrom) talent in the NHL, but if the teams are that good, wouldn't you assume we'd have more NHL players from those countries? Maybe they just like playing at home and don't want to come to North America where I will begin stalking them.

---

Private to Paul Gaustad:

I managed to not run into you tonight. But so HELP ME if you had been at my sister's concert, I would've KNOWN that my life just became the Truman Show or a really long and uninteresting episode of Punk'd.

Love and I told you I'd stay aways,
Anne

---

This post needs one of those billions of pictures I save but haven't posted. This one started my "save this picture for later" craze:

In my head the conversation goes something like this:

Millsey (in fake uber gay man lisp): Hey SPAAAA-AAAC. As our new Captain, you should know that its your job to tell me how good my booty looks in these pants. It's in the fine print, under the C. Soooo how's the boooty? Good enough for NBC?

Sissy: Ya, whatever you say, goalie man. I go play de hockeys now. Where my helmet? Is ok, I no need it.

Millsey: Hey equipment man, how's the view from down there? Huh? Huh? Nice, right?

Soupy: What's this? He's asking SISSY? My defensive partner? How could he?! Fuckin' stupid Ryan over there trying to act like he doesn't need me. I tell him his booty looks good all the time, even when he doesn't ask me to. I bet JARO doesn't take the time mid-game when he's holding the puck behind the net to tell him either. Psh, fuckin' stupid jerkface.

Patches: I miss the press box. These guys are fuckin' weird.

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! LET'S GO BUFF-A-LO!!

Silver Lining, Ahoy!

by Anne

Ok, true to form, I will find the positives about tonight's game against the Penguins.

From the Pens' side of things:
(I don't ever think of an injury as being a good thing, they're just not a bad thing for the Sabres)

1. Marian Hossa is not playing tonight, hopes to return Sunday

2. Petr Sykora is out of the line up with a back injury, Maxime Talbot aggravated an ankle injury in their last game.

3. A recent deodorant shortage has left quite the funky odor around the City of Pittsburgh. The Sabres have taken precautions against this odoriferous outrage and are prepared. This unwelcome stink, however, should negatively impact the Penguins' on-ice performance tonight.

4. UPDATE: Sid the Kid is not playing tonight. Article.

From the Sabres' side of things:

1. Hank the Tank will be back tonight...is he really ready to play? Who cares.

2. Doof* and Sekera were the top pair in Rochester all season, steadily improving with each game they played together, they'll probably be back in tandem tonight.

3. Paetsch is young and foolish and thinks he can overcome whiplash to play tonight. Why is this a positive? Because Patches knows he's infinitely better on defense than Pommerdoodle and the team needs him.

4. Doof is from Pittsburgh, or, rather "Cranberry, PA" which is roughly the same distance from Pittsburgh as Angola is from Buffalo (woo, Patty) and clearly has some secretive plans to help the team psych out the opposition. He hasn't lived there since he was 15? Eh, I'm sure he and Staffy can come up with a wacky series of events to lock Sidney Crosby out of Mellon Arena and get Geno stuck in the drive-thru line at MickeyD's for 3 days.

5. Even though it hasn't helped all season, the Sabres have way more AnneLove than the Penguins ever could dream of having.

6. Spacek is healthy enough to leave his house and purchase over-priced (but undeniably tasty) panini at Panera.

A left leg award is to be given out.

I would give my left leg to take Jaroslav Spacek's food order. If for no other reason than to hear him try to say the word "panini".

I should make it clear that even if he comes through and blocks 87 shots tonight, there is no way Mike Weber is cracking the list of memorable call-ups. Sorry, Doof, I'm just not feeling as vulnerable these days.

*After reviewing his interview yesterday, Mike "Doof" Weber is actually an attractive young gent in a "I think you might try to kill me, but that's kind of hot." way. He, like many before him, appears to suffer from "Roster Photo Panic." More commonly known as "RPP." A disease in which, once seated in front of the camera, you instantly regret every photo that's ever been taken of you. That, coupled with the pressure of the fact that this will be the most widely viewed and reproduced photo of you for the next year, overcomes you and instead of making any facial expression, you simply stare, blind panic at full-tilt, at the camera, hoping some semblance of a smile is on your face, but ultimately fail (see: Stafford, Drew). Although, some still manage to take a humorous photo (see: Pominville, Jason and Campbell, Brian).

Good. Great. Splendid.

by Anne

Everything I have to say about last night's game has already been said. All I know is that I never want to have to watch an interview like this ever again:

I feel so bad. I already hated Phil Kessel for being an overrated undisciplined pain the butt, and that didn't convince me otherwise.

Those are the kinds of games I don't choose to dwell on, games where the Sabres just sucked. I mean Britney scored and so did Sissy. P.S. 7 of Sissy's 9 goals have been on the PP. Hot. Shiz. You GO Sissy!! Woooo! And Sissy always gives great, gut-wrenchingly honest post-game interviews.

This games T-OC goes to our entire offensive corps, except for Staffy, who was hurt. Again. :( :( (whimper, sob, cry, pout)

What the HELL, forwards? YOU HAD 1 SHOT ON GOAL IN THE ENTIRE 3RD PERIOD? In case you weren't sure: SHOOT PUCK SCORE GOAL WIN GAME!

Hey HEY! Soupy! Pratters! All defensemen! Get back here! Don't think you're getting off scott free! You didn't do much to force turnovers or get the puck into the Bruins zone either. I heard Pommerdoodle's name more on the blocked shots than Lydman, so I'm punishing you too!

No, Kalinin! You do not get off because you stood up for Millsey.

Ok, everyone, that's it! Everyone will skate goal line to goal line 1500 times while balancing a puck on your head. THERE'S heads up for ya!

What? Oh, Britney, Sissy, you only have to do it 1,000 times. Staffy's hurt? Fine, your punishment is to sit next to me while they skate and tell me how great I am. You're all afraid Millsey will kill you all if I leave you alone with him? That's a risk I'm willing to take, Millsey, you're in charge while I'm gone. Thanks. Thibault didn't play? yeah but Thibault you have to do it anyway, you got away with a few things earlier in the season.

And, as an added punishment, I've decided to choose one song from Hank the Tank's playlist to play on repeat until you're finished, ok?



Enjoy. Staffy and I are going to get smoothies. Sabretooth, you can come too.

My Left Leg

By Anne

Over the years, I have often declared I would give my left leg for something...at this rate, I'm about 27 left legs in the hole, but I still give out IOUs. The latest "Left Leg" goes to the Sabre who can sneak their cell phone in to film Captain Jaroslav "Sissy" Spacek's pre-game pep-talk. I imagine it involves several minutes of incoherent rumbling accompanied by pointed, strong hand gestures, all culminating in a team-wide rousing "YAHHH!" and Sissy hitting his stick into the wall as we've witnessed him do after scoring a goal. I imagine should Assistant Captain Pommerdoodle ascend to the captaincy, his pre-game peptalk would probably end in group hugs and trust falls.

I just love Sissy. In his post-game interview, when asked what happened on the Stuart goal, Sissy just laid it out on the table, basically saying: "I was tired, he was too far away, I tried, I was flat-footed and I didn't try hard enough to stop him". He is the anti-follow up question man. He lays it all out, you can't try to get him to say something depressing or negative because he's so straightforward. Sissy doesn't know enough English to mince words. (I keed I keed, he speaks English quite well...better than some I could mention ::cough:: Afinogenov ::cough::.

Sabres, I still love you, I always will, but I think we might need to see other people for a while. Nothing permanent, no, hey, don't be like that, we're not breaking up. I'll still watch you play, but I think it might be best for both of us if we have some time apart. Ok? Look, call me tomorrow, ok? Good. Sleep tight in New Jersey, you have what's sure to be an abysmally painful practice tomorrow. Just know that we in Buffalo will still be here when you get back. And hey, should the rest of your road trip be...ummmm...less than stellar, I'll have Slapshot and a tube of cookie dough waiting for you when you get back. Ok, hug it out.