Dear NHL, STOP BEING GROSS

by Anne

I guess that rumor I heard was FOOLISHNESS


:(

I just know we're not getting Orpik. We're going to get a random top 4 guy from like St. Louis or like Bouwmeester from Florida who I don't really give a crap about.

But, HEY! IT'S STILL NOT AS BAD AS LAST YEAR!


I hope to GOD he picks Vancouver or Chicago. Not Toronto, please not Toronto. I don't want to
play him 6 times a year. YUCK.

THIS offer is making me sick. It's totally ridiculous.


Such is Free Agent Day.

BLAMMO

by Anne

Pens win! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Ry-ry scores!! I'm starting to develop a mad crush on Ry-ry, like to the point where it may jeopardize my emphatic rooting against Pittsburgh when they play Buffalo next season. No, of course I won't be rooting for Pittsburgh, it just won't hurt as much if Ry-ry scores a goal. On a related note, watching the after celebration of Ry-Ry and Geno was almost cute. Sykora had been taken down at the face-off dot and you see them start to cheer and celebrate behind the net and, as is tradition, they look to where Sykora would be coming from for the "WOOO WE SCORED! WOO!" GuyLove hug, but he wasn't, and they saw him laying on the ice and grew instantly concernicus. Awww, good linemates! He was ok, he just seemed a little shaken up.

It was a wonderfully decisive win watched on DVR delay. It was pretty sa-weet.

That Hossa goal was just totally amazing. He really made the Flyers defense look as depleted as it is. Ugh, Buffalonians know what it feels like to lose in the playoffs because of lack of defense. RIP 2006 playoff run. But, whatevs, that Hossa goal was just amazing. Well done, sir, well done, you are perhaps the only deadline day trade that has really impacted your new team's cup chances... except maybe that Huet trade...it benefited Washington, but royally screwed over Montreal. Whoops.

So Pittsburgh and Detroit are going to meet in the Cup Finals, and I'm really afraid that Detroit is going to continue to be the Swedish Monsters they are now and just PWN the Pens. However, the Penguins have actually lost fewer games in these playoffs than the Wings....oooook, Detroit lost 2 and Pittsburgh's lost one. According to those statistics, this should be a really close Final. OOooook, I KNOW, the Flyers and Stars aren't completely out of it yet...buuuuuuut....yeah.

Something I noticed a few weeks ago...in three of the last 4 seasons, the 4th ranked team in the league won the Cup. Who's ranked 4th this season? The Pens. I'm just sayin'.


There were no games in the Worlds on Tuesday as they prep for the Quarterfinals which kick off today with Canada taking on Norway at 3:30 and The USA taking on Finland at 7:15.


OMG, I can't find a DAMN thing Sabres-related to talk about!! GAH! I think I'm developing a twitch. I almost went to Dave and Adam's yesterday to buy something Sabres related but I remembered that I'm broke.

I'm so desperate for material, I went onto those crazy girlfriend forums I've been hearing so much about lately and I got NOTHING. COME ON PEOPLE! Someone must be bangin' a Sabre in the offseason! Someone must've boned Tim Connolly and wants to tell the world their plight! The "juiciest" thing I got about Timmy was that someone thought they saw him at The Gap in The Boulevard Mall. Somehow Tim Connolly buying an overpriced pair of prewrinkled khaki shorts does not make me all a-twitter with gossipy glee.

Another juicy tidbit was someone thought Pominville's name was "Porninville" he he he, ho ho ho. So BAD! Maybe if his reputation for being as slutty was as prominent has his rep for being puckbunny fodder it would be apropos. It seems to me Pommer is more likely to be helping Danny Paille organize his stuffed animal 5K run, than to be having his way with the female population of Buffalo, and now, Halifax and Quebec City...although, I'd totally support him if he decided to. Wait, no, that came out wrong...or did it.....?

This just in from the Girlfriends Forum: Mike Ryan eats babies.

Ugh, the Vanek board is full of nothin' but love for SabreBirtney and his BabyMama and someone who's devastated because her love for Kotalik will never work out. Someone used the word "promiscuous" on Spacek's board, granted she was saying he wasn't, but this kind of acceptable terminology is NOT why I go to those boards. Blah blah blah. Sidebar, I know he's a hockey player and all, but if you saw Jaroslav Spacek oot and aboot at a bar in Buffalo, would you be all up in his bizness? I WOULD. But I can't imagine the rest of the women of Western New York go as weak in the knees when he talks about the "PK" and being "flat-footed". His blunt, take-no-prisoners style of interview is what gets my motor runnin'. That and: SHOOT PUCK SCORE GOAL WIN GAME! YAAAHHHHH!! Jaro makes me giggle like a school girl, always has and always will. There is truly no worldy explanation for my totally baseless love for Sissy Spacek.

Also, someone named "Briana" is running amok in the forums talkin' shizz about bitches or something and she's either 8 or 24. This needs investimigation. I want to find every 8 and 24 year old Briana and round them up for a chat. The 8 year olds get cookies, the 24 year olds get grilled on their alleged sexual liaisons with any number of Buffalo Sabres, unless it's Brian Campbell, then I just really don't want to hear about it.


This is in no way Sabres-related but you can actually hear Geno speak English and seem kind of human. I know, it's weird, right?

Fortunately Sid is nowhere to be found, so my belief that he's a robot continues on.

Uh-oh, this is getting to be a sickness:

Hey! Ry-ry! Come to Buffalo! Wooo! You're a free agent! Eeeeeeeven though he clearly wants to stay in Pittsburgh...bah, whatev. Our love must be realized. Bring your kid! I love babies! Forget your (presumably) totally hot, skinny, blonde wife! Who wouldn't want an out of shape brunette who wears (totally awesome red) glasses?

---

Private to Adam Burish:

Update your #$%*@^ing blog. You can make the whole thing about Drew Stafford and Jason Pominville if you like, pepper it with witty anecdotes about Patrick Kane.

Love,
Anne

---

Private to Eric, Marc, Jordan and Jared:

I'm sorry about your grandpa. I make excellent cookies if you feel you need some. We can play Scrabble to take your mind off of things if you'd like, I'll totally let you use secret Staal-language words, and back them up in your secret Staal Dictionary. I won't question it.

Love,
Anne

Eastern Conference Whoop-di-doo

by Anne

It is rather tragic that for the 1st time in the past few years the boys in blue and gold are not vying for (and losing) the Eastern Conference Title. Whatev, if I can't have Pommers, I'll take RY-RY!


Yay! Win for the Pens! It was definitely a little disconcerting at the beginning when the Flyers came out blazin'. They had a really strong start but seemed to just lose their edge. It was weird. Although, the Flyers have lost game 1 of all their series thus far, this isn't necessarily an indicator that they're out.


So far no players in the 4 remaining teams have contracted botulism or ruptured an appendix while bending over to tie their shoes, but don't worry, I'm sure a rash of borderline life-threatening maladies is on its way.


Geno is a freakin' monster. It's funny, Geno shows off a lot more than Sid these days, Sid's taking more of the playmaker role (yes, he did score, that's true) but Geno scored TWICE. And he can score some crazy goals as well, see his last goal against the Rangers only a minute or 2 after skating for almost an entire powerplay. SICK. There are 2 reasons why Geno is not a threat to Sid's star status: 1) He's not Captain or captainly and 2) He doesn't speak English well enough to give interviews. Advantage: Sid. Whatev. I still love 'em both.


Worlds:


Sekera registered his first point of the tournament on an assist on the game-winning goal! He had 2 PIM, 4 shots on goal and was +2! Yay Reggie! They beat Slovakia 5-1


Who knew that Slovakia had a player named M. Hossa? I certainly didn't and my head was momentarily spinning. He also wears 81 (Marian Hossa wears 18) Further proof that Marian Hossa has an evil twin!! We must travel to Halifax and learn the identity of this "person" masquerading as a Hossa! Who's with me! The evil one must be STOPPED! OR IS #18 FOR THE PENGUINS M. HOSSA THE EVIL ONE?!?!? Wait, isn't Hossa Swedish? Reading penguins.nhl.com......reading penguins.nhl.com...nope, born in Czechoslovakia. Oh wait, I just remembered, he has a brother named Marcel.... searching..... searching.... reading the IIHF roster...yup, it's Marcel. Dang, this was more fun when Marian had a crazy twin. Boo.

Evil twin or Marcel?

Max had a goal and a primary assist in Russia's 4-3 shootout win over Belarus. Sorry Tits Bros!

Max appears to have misplaced the lower portion of his right leg

Canada plays Germany today at 3:30. The USA faces Russia on Sunday.

---

Private to Darce and Lar:

Please sign the players I want you to sign ASAP. You've kept my bloodlust at bay by signing Gerbster, but please get on top of your other contract signings. Thanks.

IF YOU DON'T RE-SIGN GOOSE AND BIG BEAR I'LL KILL YOU! M.J. WILL DIE (LITERALLY) IF MIKE RYAN ISN'T SIGNED. DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE?!?!

Loves ya!

Anne

Silver Lining, Ahoy!

by Anne

Ok, true to form, I will find the positives about tonight's game against the Penguins.

From the Pens' side of things:
(I don't ever think of an injury as being a good thing, they're just not a bad thing for the Sabres)

1. Marian Hossa is not playing tonight, hopes to return Sunday

2. Petr Sykora is out of the line up with a back injury, Maxime Talbot aggravated an ankle injury in their last game.

3. A recent deodorant shortage has left quite the funky odor around the City of Pittsburgh. The Sabres have taken precautions against this odoriferous outrage and are prepared. This unwelcome stink, however, should negatively impact the Penguins' on-ice performance tonight.

4. UPDATE: Sid the Kid is not playing tonight. Article.

From the Sabres' side of things:

1. Hank the Tank will be back tonight...is he really ready to play? Who cares.

2. Doof* and Sekera were the top pair in Rochester all season, steadily improving with each game they played together, they'll probably be back in tandem tonight.

3. Paetsch is young and foolish and thinks he can overcome whiplash to play tonight. Why is this a positive? Because Patches knows he's infinitely better on defense than Pommerdoodle and the team needs him.

4. Doof is from Pittsburgh, or, rather "Cranberry, PA" which is roughly the same distance from Pittsburgh as Angola is from Buffalo (woo, Patty) and clearly has some secretive plans to help the team psych out the opposition. He hasn't lived there since he was 15? Eh, I'm sure he and Staffy can come up with a wacky series of events to lock Sidney Crosby out of Mellon Arena and get Geno stuck in the drive-thru line at MickeyD's for 3 days.

5. Even though it hasn't helped all season, the Sabres have way more AnneLove than the Penguins ever could dream of having.

6. Spacek is healthy enough to leave his house and purchase over-priced (but undeniably tasty) panini at Panera.

A left leg award is to be given out.

I would give my left leg to take Jaroslav Spacek's food order. If for no other reason than to hear him try to say the word "panini".

I should make it clear that even if he comes through and blocks 87 shots tonight, there is no way Mike Weber is cracking the list of memorable call-ups. Sorry, Doof, I'm just not feeling as vulnerable these days.

*After reviewing his interview yesterday, Mike "Doof" Weber is actually an attractive young gent in a "I think you might try to kill me, but that's kind of hot." way. He, like many before him, appears to suffer from "Roster Photo Panic." More commonly known as "RPP." A disease in which, once seated in front of the camera, you instantly regret every photo that's ever been taken of you. That, coupled with the pressure of the fact that this will be the most widely viewed and reproduced photo of you for the next year, overcomes you and instead of making any facial expression, you simply stare, blind panic at full-tilt, at the camera, hoping some semblance of a smile is on your face, but ultimately fail (see: Stafford, Drew). Although, some still manage to take a humorous photo (see: Pominville, Jason and Campbell, Brian).

I did it again!

by Anne

Dear Penguins fans:

I'm really really really sorry. I totally didn't mean to do it.

My injury curse has returned. No joking. The second I heard about the Pens giving up Army & Co. for Hossa and some other dude, I said: "Good plan, Pens, ship out 3 depth players for 1 superstar and another dude. It is a good trade...that is unless Hossa blows out his knee in the first game."

From NHL.com:

Dupuis was playing in his first game with Pittsburgh since being acquired from Atlanta at the trade deadline. Also coming to the Penguins in that deal was five-time All-Star Marian Hossa, but he lasted just 13 shifts before banging knees with Glen Murray in the second period and leaving the game.

I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean it! I was kidding! I know I'm still annoyed about how handily you've beaten us this season and the fact that you beat us in the Ice Bowl, but you're my #2 team! You know I didn't really mean for it to happen! It was just talk!

I legitimately feel in some way responsible. He'll be out about a week, they say, but who knows! He could slip and fall on the ice and then I'll never stop feeling guilty.

Oh What a World

By Anne

Tuesday was a crazy hockey night, kids.

Thrashers roll over the Red Wings 5-1 IN Detroit! Hossa netted himself a natural hat trick in the first 21:14 of the game. Atlanta, who can't pay their locals to see the games, beat the top team in the NHL. Sweet. I love a good upset. Unless you're the EC Finals in '07, Ottawa Senators.

Jose Theodore, who made the toque over the goalie mask famous in 2003:

had his 24th career shutout- and his first since FEBRUARY OF 2004! What the heck? Almost 4 years without a shutout? I know they're difficult to come by, but that's a loooooong time. Kee-razy.

And THEN the freakin' Capitals beat Ottawa by 2+ goals again! What the heck? Green? Semin, stepping up to fill in for Nylander and his shoulder? Ovie? What have you been drinking?

I am happy to report that Jason Spezza seems to have recovered from my curse. He didn't score, but he did have plenty of ice time. S(h)ara and I fear that our attempts to curse the Rangers deflected off of Chris Drury's helmet, still covered with residual Buffalove from when he was nearly decapitated last year, and hit poor Mike Nylander of the Caps, keep on, keepin' on with that torn rotator cuff.

Who ever writes the NHL. com "Game of the Night" really loves describing a close loss as a "nip".

This is the list from today's Game of the Night page:

That's weird.

I'm sick to death of hearing people talk about how Soupy won't talk anymore. Goosie said they don't talk about contracts in the locker room, and I think that's probably the best policy considering SabreBritney and his lack of living up to his millions. I think for the time being we should follow the Goose's policy and think of Western New York as a collective locker room: it smells kind of funny and we don't talk about contracts.

Sidenote, does Jose Theodore look like Neil Patrick Harris to anyone else?