Anne Loves Three Day Weekends

by Anne

So, I took Monday off again. Cough cough, I was so sick, cough cough.

I spent the day lounging, watching movies and re-joining MySpace. I cancelled my account like a year ago because clicking on a link caused my PC to crash. In retrospect, my PC is kind of a piece of junk, so I'm thinking it was a coincidence.

Anyway, I watched the Pens/Rangers game last night. I'm convinced that whichever team is most important for them to lose, always wins when I watch them on Versus. Whoops.

I can't believe its already the last week of the season.

After today I have 33 more days of work to go!!

Let's just discuss another team in the standings.

The Ottawa Suckators.

Even if the Sens make the playoffs, it won't be with much glory. For a good while, they were the bosses of the whole Eastern Conference, and now they're in 6th. 6th?! That slide took less than 2 months. Our slide took a whole season. Beat that, Montreal!

I feel bad for Sens fans, because the best they can really do right now is "At least we're IN the playoffs." True, we're not going to be there, and you, most likely, will probably manage to hang on, but wowza. Wow.Za.

Fellow bloggers, this was my first season being a rabidly obsessed fan. I've always been a fan, but school frequently interfered with my hockey fandom. What am I going to do next season when I'm back in school? Do I have time to maintain my level of obsession....oh, who am I kidding? As long as there are Pommers, Staffys, Roysies, Gooses, Pattys, Pies, Sissys and Yoyos, there will be Anne.

More importantly, what am I gong to do this off-season. I've tried liking baseball to no avail. I just don't care. Besides, MK accurately pointed out, once the NHL season starts again in October, my fake interest in baseball will be powerfully overshadowed by my love of hockey.

I'll have to satisfy myself with more infrequent posting about contracts and the draft. Maybe I can spend my time stalking Sabres that might live in or around Buffalo. Although that costs gas money, and I love not blowing my money more than I love the Sabres....Oh, what's this foolishness I keep spouting? We all know that's not true. How many games did I watch them lose this season in the flesh? Too many. But they did win at least 2 when I was in attendance, so I appreciate that.

I'm nervous about tonight's game against Toronto. They're a team that's playing for nothing but ice time and personal stats. They're eliminated from the post-season and we're hanging on by a thread. They have nothing to lose.

Whatever. What will be, will be. They'll be back next year, and so will I, and you too. Don't lie, you know you will be.

Hockey Hangover

by Anne

I woke up this morning nauseous and with a pounding headache. Last season I would've blamed it on the newly swirling about pollen that comes with this warming time of year. Now I blame it solely on the Buffalo Sabres.

I feel almost as sick as I did the day after we went out for St. Patrick's Day. And that was the most hungover I've ever been in my entire life. I haven't puked yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did.

This is how the Sabres make Anne feel today

Normally I try to find the good, I try to say "Hey, here are the good points!" "Don't hate the team!"

BUT, I take it all back. I am personally mad at each Sabre. I know they didn't want to lose, but they certainly didn't play like it. A 3-1 lead would've been sufficient last year, but GUESS WHAT? This isn't last year! This team isn't 1/2 as good as last year's team. Forget Briere and Drury, this team just sucks. Would've sucked with them, sucks without them.

They all suck. Forget being young, forget having a lot of pressure put on them. SCREW YOU. Every player in the national hockey league has the same amount or MORE pressure than any Sabre. Can you imagine what it's like to be Sidney Crosby right now? People have spent years talking about how he's the next Gretzky, he's hurt, and now everyone is saying the team is fine without him? No pressure to be great when you get back, Sid. Pominville sits somewhere around #20 in the league in scoring, Roysie, not far behind. While that's nothing to sneeze at, where has it gotten us? Not too far. There was a time when we were 5th in the Conference. 5TH!

Now we'll be lucky if we finish 10th. Even if had made the playoffs, we would've been swept in the first round, and that would've been embarrassing.

Fuck it all. Stop playing Miller. The jig is up, he's mentally exhausted. While I don't know if benching him will really help him, I think that we need to anyway. I know Thibault isn't so great, but neither is this team

This pack of let-downs needs to re-group this offseason and figure out what the hell they can do to fix this team. ARGH! I can't even blame Kalinin! He's my favorite scapegoat!

All I know is Weber and Sekera are not totally at fault. They were the only players who snagged a + for the Sabres last night. And thats not because they didn't play much, either. Weber had 20:19 minutes and Sekera had 25:17.

Andrej "Reggie" Sekera is my new favorite Sabre. Doof looks too much like a skeezy guy who dated some friends of mine for me to love him.

Smile pretty, Reg!

I know, I stare off into the distance trying to find answers about this team, too

But, because he's a Sabre, I still hate him.

Back in the B-Lo

by Anne

So, will the Sabres make the playoffs?

Let's see:

We have 2 games left against Ottawa and in this season so far we are 2-3-1 earning 5 of 12 points.

2 left against Boston; in the previous 5 we're 2-2-2 earning 6/12 points.

2 left against Montreal; in the previous 6 we're 3-3-0, earning 6/12.

1 left against Toronto; in the previous 7 we're 4-3-0, earning 8/14.

Overall against our division we're 11-11-3 earning 25 of 48 pts. That means we'll most likely sit around .500 in our remaining games. Assuming that's the case, let's say we get 8 points, giving us 89. Last season's 8th seed had 92, the year before? also 92. That probably means we need at least 10 points or better.

Yo, putting it in that scope is almost too much to handle or figure out.

Clearly, of those games, the Boston games are the most crucial as they're the only team ahead of us that we could catch and they sit in our playoff spot at the moment. Speaking of which, the Canadiens are currently beating the Sens. Go Habs!

However, the Caps also have a slew of divisional games left and, in case you hadn't noticed, the South East Division sucks. Therefore, it is likely that the Caps will earn more points than we will.

Guys, it's not looking good. I really don't think we're going to make the playoffs. However, (and this is why I love hockey, and all sports for that matter) they'll be back again next year, and I feel good about our future. Let's hope this off-season goes well.

Speaking of which, I hope we dump Kalinin in this off season. He's $2 million we could use elsewhere. And by elsewhere I mean Pratt, Pie-YAY, Goose and Big Bear.

I hope Teppo comes back for one more season.

There better be lots o' contract extensions signed before July 1, 2009. We stand to lose:

Sissy
Millsy
Pommerdoodle
Staffy

We also stand to lose the Soviet Bomber, but unless he's more Bomber-like next season, I really don't want to re-sign him.

What are the odds we'll keep all 4 of them? Of most importance to the team (at the time of this writing) are Pommer and Millsy. I, of course, will be sad to lose any of them. There will also be everyone's favorite: trade-deadline moves. But, next season's player movements are for after this season is over.

Moving on, I'm handing the Atlantic Division of my heart to Ryan Malone of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Pretty Ricky is out, and even though I still love him, I need at least 1 ECDB (Eastern Conference Divisional Boyfriend) to make a strong playoff push. Sorry, Lindy.

On the no-touch icing debate, poor Kurtis Foster. Watching the footage it's totally clear Torrey Mitchell had no intention of harming Kurtis Foster, staying with him until he was taken off the ice and giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as they lifted him out. But you can't blame Torrey Mitchell, I don't think anyone really is, he was just doing his job. He got a tripping penalty...but I think that was kind of a brownie tossed at the Minnesota team. He didn't trip him, and he also didn't cross-check him, his stick was not between him and Foster when they collided.

The USHL has an imaginary line that crosses the face-off dots and the first player that crosses that line in pursuit of the puck, determines whether or not there is icing, there is no need to touch the puck.

I agree with Keith Jones that touch-up icing is exciting, but maybe they should move the line to that imaginary face-off dots line. That way, they're still fighting for it, but the battle can begin further from the boards. Just a thought from someone who's never played hockey.

Mommy is too distraught to write

by Oscar

Hello, dearest friends, it is I, Oscar Preston Maloy, fearless mascot of this fine house, here to recap the latest news from our dear Buffalo Sabres.

My mommy, Anne, is far too distraught to write her thoughts on last night's debacle game. So I'll choose to point things out from my very low to the ground perspective.

1. Danny Pie-YAY scored 2 whole goals and one was short handed too.

2. Ryan Miller is apparently also a doctor in addition to being a goaltender, because when Paetsch went down, he went right over to him to administer life saving CPR. Fortunately it was not necessary, but it was good to know he was there just in case. Mommy and I love when teammates show real concern for each other.

3. I pooed in Georges Laraque's skates.

4. Even though we lost to them, Mommy still likes the Penguins, and I kind of look like a penguin.

5. Now Pommerdoodle will probably play defense which only makes me giggle and mew with glee.

6. Big Bear came back, earned a point and stood up for Toni Lydman when a Penguin was roughing him up. Yay Big Bear!

7. Mommy and Aunt MK continue their quest for Breakaway Berry-er to eat while we cheer the Pens to victory in the playoffs. I mean, while we cheer the Sabres into the playoffs.

8. It really is quite remarkable that after all this shoddy play and all these injuries to our defense that we're still in 9th place. That is truly mind boggling.

9. Lindy Meow has once again called out his top players for not stepping up. Things that have worked in the past:

• Benching Danny Pie-YAY, result before: Goal scoring bonanza, result now: Goal scoring bonanza (maybe its a bit premature to call this streak a bonanza, but it has been quite a while since he scored and he got 2 tonight and he's my favorite so don't fight me or I'll scratch you).

• Yelling at top players, before: Offensive BONANZA, result now: We'll see.

• Pulling Millsey, before: Let's not go there.

10. We got all 3 goals from 2 guys who are not top goal scorers, but we did not get any from the likes of Pommerdoodle, Roysie, Britney or Staffy.

11. Goose plays well with Yo-yo and Pommer.

12. Mommy bought me new foods that is tasty and I enjoys it.

13. I'm also going to poo in Eric Staal's skates.

14. Here's the Sabres' next choice from the prospects to play defense:

Meet your newest Sabre

His name is Templeton Banks and he's the leading shot blocker for the Mammalian Marauder's. Last week, they dominated the Buffalo Zoo Inter-Species Cup Championship against their top rival, the Reptile House Avengers in a 6-0 victory to take the series in 6 games.

He was my roommate in Prep School, nice guy, but don't ever forget to take a message when his girlfriend calls, he gets really mad and throws poo. I've now mentioned poo 3 times in this post.

There ya have my thoughts on the game. I'm going to go snooze on the back of the chair in the living room now. Good night!

Silver Lining, Ahoy!

by Anne

Ok, true to form, I will find the positives about tonight's game against the Penguins.

From the Pens' side of things:
(I don't ever think of an injury as being a good thing, they're just not a bad thing for the Sabres)

1. Marian Hossa is not playing tonight, hopes to return Sunday

2. Petr Sykora is out of the line up with a back injury, Maxime Talbot aggravated an ankle injury in their last game.

3. A recent deodorant shortage has left quite the funky odor around the City of Pittsburgh. The Sabres have taken precautions against this odoriferous outrage and are prepared. This unwelcome stink, however, should negatively impact the Penguins' on-ice performance tonight.

4. UPDATE: Sid the Kid is not playing tonight. Article.

From the Sabres' side of things:

1. Hank the Tank will be back tonight...is he really ready to play? Who cares.

2. Doof* and Sekera were the top pair in Rochester all season, steadily improving with each game they played together, they'll probably be back in tandem tonight.

3. Paetsch is young and foolish and thinks he can overcome whiplash to play tonight. Why is this a positive? Because Patches knows he's infinitely better on defense than Pommerdoodle and the team needs him.

4. Doof is from Pittsburgh, or, rather "Cranberry, PA" which is roughly the same distance from Pittsburgh as Angola is from Buffalo (woo, Patty) and clearly has some secretive plans to help the team psych out the opposition. He hasn't lived there since he was 15? Eh, I'm sure he and Staffy can come up with a wacky series of events to lock Sidney Crosby out of Mellon Arena and get Geno stuck in the drive-thru line at MickeyD's for 3 days.

5. Even though it hasn't helped all season, the Sabres have way more AnneLove than the Penguins ever could dream of having.

6. Spacek is healthy enough to leave his house and purchase over-priced (but undeniably tasty) panini at Panera.

A left leg award is to be given out.

I would give my left leg to take Jaroslav Spacek's food order. If for no other reason than to hear him try to say the word "panini".

I should make it clear that even if he comes through and blocks 87 shots tonight, there is no way Mike Weber is cracking the list of memorable call-ups. Sorry, Doof, I'm just not feeling as vulnerable these days.

*After reviewing his interview yesterday, Mike "Doof" Weber is actually an attractive young gent in a "I think you might try to kill me, but that's kind of hot." way. He, like many before him, appears to suffer from "Roster Photo Panic." More commonly known as "RPP." A disease in which, once seated in front of the camera, you instantly regret every photo that's ever been taken of you. That, coupled with the pressure of the fact that this will be the most widely viewed and reproduced photo of you for the next year, overcomes you and instead of making any facial expression, you simply stare, blind panic at full-tilt, at the camera, hoping some semblance of a smile is on your face, but ultimately fail (see: Stafford, Drew). Although, some still manage to take a humorous photo (see: Pominville, Jason and Campbell, Brian).

OMG THINGS ARE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT

by Anne

I love my Sabres insider text messages. They give me such gems as:

BREAKING NEWS:

Nathan Paetsch questionable; Jason Pominville would play defense in his absence.

and

BREAKING NEWS:

Mike Weber recalled from the Rochester Americans.

Looks like Doof gets the nod.

POMMERDOODLE on DEFENSE? Are Funky and Card that bad? WOW.

Yo, this shiz is CRAZY.

Yo, We are SO Screwed

by Anne

We are so screwed. Here is our list of healthy defensemen:

Lydman
Pratt
Paetsch
Sekera

...........that's it

Hey, Mike Weber, how's about a trip down the Thruway?

huh?

Oh God.

Ok, maybe not, who else is there?

Funky?

Do you have white hair?

This isn't looking promising.

Mike Card?

Are you even old enough to play hockey?

Ok, well regardless of which of you comes up, it's gonna be someone named Mike. At least Mikey Ryan isn't playing, that'll eliminate some confusion.

I can't even get upset. Anyone else not so fondly reminiscing about the Sabres' demise in the 2006 playoffs?

SOUPY! AT LEAST YOU'D BE A WARM BODY TO THROW AT THE OFFENSE.

Ok, ok, Anne, calm down, deep breaths.

Maybe it's not so bad, who do we play next?

Oh no, you mean he might come back to play us?

Gulp. GENO.



Aw, hell, he's healthy too.

Um, uh, well, so, yeah, let's see, how about, um, ok, yes, good, so we'll just, um, GOOSE! WHERE'S THE RALLY HELMET?