Its That Time Again

by Anne

Last year 'round about this time, I un-pushed the panic button and reached a level of complacency I did not know I possessed in regards to the Buffalo Sabres pathetic shame spiral out of playoff contention.

I think my un-push is earlier than last season, actually.

Around this time last year, things were so bad Michael Funk was called up for more than one game. Michael. Funk. The Funky. Chicken.

Mike Weber was our one clinging hope for the playoffs.

I'm not even going to factor in goaltending, because that's not completely why we lost last night.

It is quite difficult to win games when our first goal is scored my Maxim Afinogenov flailing about wildly next to the post like a worm on a hook and one of his teammates banks a goal in off of his skate. I really don't think that should even count.

I don't know what Jochen Hecht's goal looked like because I straight up did not watch, nor did I seek out "highlights." Once it was 4-1, I gave the Sabres the proverbial middle finger and watched House instead.

Whatever. Fuck them. I'm here to offer my list of suggestions for an interesting conclusion to the season while we wait for the World Championships to start.

• Lindy, put all the players' names in a hat and assign positions at random. Perhaps my dream of a top line of Mikael Tellqvist, Henrik Tallinder and Andrew Peters can finally be realized, with Chris Butler in net and Sabretooth dressed as our back up.

• Lindy, once you're finished with that hat, wear it during the game. Might I suggest this one:

• Three legged skating. Think about it, let me know

• Fill the penalty box with live and very unhappy scorpions. THAT will keep them out of there.
  

• If, for some reason, someone decides they still need to take a penalty, can you do my taxes while you're in there?

• Everyone use absurdly illegal hockey sticks. Royzie, here's yours:

That's a $200 fine, pleaseandthanks

• Wear figure skates. I hear they're way more uncomfortable than hockey skates. Compensate with a few nifty jumps. I think Tallinder and Pommer would look pretty bad ass doing this maneuver:

What NOW, Jeff Carter?!

• In addition to figure skates, wear this former Kings' alternate jersey:

If this jersey is good enough for Wayne Gretzky, its good enough for Adam Mair

• Bring up Tyler Myers from Kelowna. Why the hell not? Let's get Luke Adam up here at the same time. What's the worst that can happen? We lose? We'll do that anyway!
  

• Implement a "pants optional" policy for post game interviews. We probably won't be able to see this, but we'll know. Oh, we'll know. This does NOT apply for interviewers, Paul Hamilton. Take your inspiration from Ron Hextall:
  

• Sorry about that video.
  

• Allow me to be head coach for the night. I can see it now: seven minute shifts, constant and inexplicable shuffling of the lines, Maxim Afinogenov covering the point on the power play, repeated goalie switches (on the fly) and lots of meaningless and overly emphatic hand gestures. Also, I'm not very tall, so I probably won't be able to see over most of your heads. So duck or let me stand behind Derek Roy all the time. Or I'll just sit on Andrew Peters' shoulders. That'll totally work for the duration of a game.

• Instead of scouting the other team with video. Watch D2: The Mighty Ducks. They managed to win, learn from them.

• Once we're losing by 3 or more goals AGAIN, someone pull a Ned Braden:

Jaro, I'm lookin' at you

• Everytime the other team is about to score, toss sex toys on the ice

• Turn off the lights and play in the dark with spelunking helmets:

spiffy, no?

• Instead of shooting t-shirts out of that gun-thingy, shoot everyone a refund for their tickets/third jersey/beer tab/lifelong commitment
  

• Instead of the anthems, Derek Roy has to sing "Can't Find a Better Man"(I totally stole your video, Rach) while Tim Connolly does the worm:
  

• Give everyone tickets to watch you all play at the World Championships in Switzerland this summer. It'll be super fun! I don't know who will write the blog for Team USA though, because Adam Burish will be IN THE PLAYOFFS.

I hope you'll take time to consider my proposal. I would really like to be entertained the rest of this season. Thanks!

If none of those can be made to happen, how about WINNING A FEW DAMN GAMES THAT MEAN SOMETHING?!

Thanks!

Start Studying

by Anne

Just in case, someone start studying. Pick up some tips. Head to Raleigh. They might need you tonight.

Maybe this guy is available?

On a Sunday

by Anne

Last night after the "game" S(h)ara and I (plus some other friends as well) went to Fat Bob's for some delicious tasty food and darts and it was wwwaayyy more fun than that "sporting event".

I can take away 2 positives from last night:

1. Mark Mancari scored his first NHL goal!! Yay!!

2. I did really well in sales

3. ............ if we had been so inclined we could have gone to Level and booed Derek Roy in his face. Even though he scored a goal, it would've been symbolic.

Speaking of symbolic, apparently changing the name of this blog had no effect so I decided to resort to other tactics around the house to express my displeasure.

I have a standings tracker. It hangs over my bed.


I keep track of the divisional standings.
But where is the slug?


He's in the corner, thinking about what he's done.

But my symbolic rage wasn't finished there.

The other day, my Mom went on a field trip with the folks at the workshop for developmentally disabled adults where she works. They went here:


Delish.

They have many fun shaped cookies, including several Sabres' jersey cookies. The choices were Miller, Rivet, Paille, Pominville and:

She opted for Vanek because he's leading the NHL and the one I hate the least at the moment because of that very reason.

However, in spite of the fact that he hasn't done anything to personally offend me recently I was forced to sacrifice him in hopes of catharsis:



I didn't feel that was quite enough...

... so I ate his arm.

I feel a little better.

This 30-17 Bills score at the half is also helping my mood immensely. Trent is looking pretty DARN swaggery, whoever just said that on 97 rock, I wasn't paying attention to who it was.

Aaaaaand as I was uploading photos the 2nd half started and Trent ran in for his 2nd TD of the game. OWWWWWW!!!! That's a 20 point lead, baby!

I'll either write later declaring my immediate plans to move to Chicago or about how much I love Buffalo and my strong desire to make babies with Trent Edwards. WOOO!!!

Has Anyone Else Kind of Forgotten About Hockey Lately?

by Anne

OKAY so I didn't FORGET about hockey, but for like a legit week I dedicated no more thoughts to hockey other than "Is that really tall cute guy Paul Gaustad? oh, nope, not at all." while working all day in Delaware Park. And almost everytime I got a text message I hoped it was: "BREAKING NEWS: The Buffalo Sabres have signed RW Jason Pominville to a 20 year, $400 million contract, for more details, consult the Oracle at Delphi". It never was, obvi. COME MONDAY I START TO BREAK OUT INTO COLD SWEATS, DARCY!!

Things that have occupied the space in my head normally reserved for hockey:

• Shakespeare

• If it is morally wrong to punch an annoying 16 year old in the face, if you are said 16 year old's teacher

• My student loan not going through yet

• All they money I thought I had to buy a car with went toward buying a furnace in like April and no one told me. THANKS!

• THERE ARE LIKE 6 BILLION DIFFERENT WAYS TO GET LOANS FOR THINGS

• If I should buy all Camp Rock folders for school, despite never having seen the movie and I hate the name "Shane"

• Why my adviser hasn't emailed me back yet

• Is it socially acceptable to wear these yoga pants I just bought EVERYWHERE I GO BECAUSE THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE?!

• Is Kevin Jonas gay or European?
  

• Does it matter?

• If I don't get hired to carry food around the Arena, I'll shoot myself because I was probably the only thing approaching a normal human being at the job fair, and I'm quite a few body lengths away from "normal human being"

• All the bazillion things on Facebook I don't want my students to see, so their viewing of my profile is so limited, all they can see is my name

• At the rate I'm going, I'm never going to get married and have babies, yet I'm always thinking of fun baby names which I've decided to no longer reveal for fear in case I manage to somehow get married and have babies I can use them without someone stealing them

• I'm kind of terrified of what'll happen if I take too many vitamins and get iron poisoning. I think I dedicate way too much energy to this fear

• I don't care how many people tell me the real lyrics, the words are: "When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have BOOBIES."
  

• Perhaps my pushing hockey out of my brain is merely a defense mechanism because there's NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT

WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHEN I LEGITIMATELY WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH DEREK ROY'S OFF SEASON TRAINING? I DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT DEREK ROY WHEN HE'S NOT WEARING #9. These are scary, uncertain times.

Hey, I Have a BLOG?!

by Anne

Yo.

Soooooo I've been busy. Show, Olympics, students, friends coming in and out of town, etc. etc. AND there hasn't really been much to report from the world of hockey.

Ryan Whitney had foot surgery and will be out until mid-January. This is probably a good thing for us because he, clearly, does not play for the Sabres, and therefore his absence will be to our benefit. As long as his playoff beard won't be affected, I'm ok with that.

Mats might go to the Rangers? Yick. That's annoying. Why? Because then he'll be with a team that he can probably help out. Gross. At least he won't be in our division, but I HATE the Rangers. Apparently the Flyers are his #2 choice? GROSS. Mats Sundin has clearly taken my list of least favorite teams and opted to choose one. He's clearly not going to go to Ottawa or Atlanta so he might as well choose from New York and Philly if he's not heading back to Toronto, which is all but guaranteed.

Oscar had a veterinary appointment today and i'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that he is in "very good" health and will still be bothering his mommy and cheering for Danny Paille for many years to come. He's only like 1 1/2. He is currently passed the eff out on my bed with me because he's TUCKERED OUT from this mornings happenings. Poor little man.

I feel so detached from hockey lately. Never fear, I'll be at the Arena this afternoon so things will be better. I may rub myself against the larger than life portrait of Thomas Vanek in the entry way, just to feel reconnected. Or maybe I won't do that because then I might be kicked out forever. Whatevs.

I think my iPod was either lost or stolen the other day :(

Um that's all I can think of to report. Classes start in 1 week. I should probably, like, figure out where my classes are and such. Eh. I'll do that later. I might need to start panicking about Pommer soon. I saw a labradoodle last night and had a mini-panic attack about it. I'm giving myself a week until classes started.

How's everyone's life? I have SERIOUS blog reading and commenting to catch up on. Phew. Lots to do, lots to do.


OH YEAH AND WHO ELSE JUMPED UP AND DOWN AND COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING WHEN PHELPSY WON HIS MEDAL #8?!?! THIS GIRL DID!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

This is totally ridiculous

by Anne

See title of post. I have nothing to say. We all know where I stand. If you're unsure, you need look no further than the previous post or 12 to figure it out.


Enjoy some StaalLove with some interviews from before this season. Aka, Marc hadn't started his NHL career and Jared was probably only 16.


Around the kitchen table:

Mama Staal, what did you put in their Flintstones vitamins in the morning, HGH?

The Staal Brothers Personal Wall O' Fame:

I think Marc's "rusty wheel on the shopping cart" position in the family makes him my favorite Staal. That, and the flowing locks in that picture. Yowzas. WHO NAMED THE DOG CANDY? THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND TOTALLY GIRLY AND I LOVE IT.

Staal Family Backyard Rink:

I tried to figure out which one was which in the home movie clips but unless you had all 4 of them together, it's pretty hard to tell, especially because 1/2 their faces are covered almost all the time.

Just Get a Ruler, Boys:

I enjoy the tactful way they all acknowledge that Marc is not a great shooter. That's why he's the defenseman in the family. Jared should've been a goalie, just to even it all out.

At the Thunder Bay Rink:

Do you only get the white helmets when you with the Stanley Cup? Does Eric have an exceptionally large or small noggin? I enjoy the mid-clip commercial by Eric and Jared. All Jordan contributes is that he has bad taste in music. Marc lets us know that he supports Tim Hortons.

All Hockey Players' 2nd Love:

Wow, EVERYTHING is a competition with these boys. That's probably what got them to where they are today.


Watching all these videos in a row kind of makes Eric seem like a douche. Although, he is the oldest and that superiority thing comes with the territory. In the shootout thing he's very supportive of his littlest brother. Little. Hah. Boy's probably 6'4" like all his brothers.

Marc "Rusty Wheel" Staal has no love for Pat Kaleta:

Take the poll on the upper left. Yes, POLLS. That's how strapped I am. I thought I saw Mike Ryan at Tim Horton's today. I thought wrong. As mentioned above, one of the Staals (I'm pretty sure it's Marc) is drinking Tim Hortons for a split second in that rink video. Its fate. I drink Tim Horton's coffee all the time. I realize he might be drinking something other than coffee, but I don't care.

---

Private to the NHL schedule makers:

Bite me.

Love,
Anne