Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Sabres have returned! For real!

by Anne

I've missed our little pukes, haven't you? Tonight they take on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Wooooo! Nice easy game to start things off....right?

What I missed about each of the boys:

Steve Montador: I missed your snaggletooth.

Toni Lydman: How can I miss you if I watched you play for two weeks?

Derek Roy: Ummmm, I missed watching you without longing for you to be Zach Parise. Those days will never be again.

Henrik Tallinder: See: Lydman, Toni.

Tim Kennedy: I missed your punchdrunk-baby-troll face.

Tim Connolly: TIMMAH! I missed your everything. Never leave me again. Or, well, I guess I kind of left you. Let's just make a promise to never leave each other.

Little Foot: I missed your uber-excited eyebrows.

Mairsy: I missed the feeling of "Are we sure he doesn't have rabies?" every time I look at you.

Mike Grier: I missed your "molasses on a cold day" skating style and hands of stone.

Thomas Vanek: I miss your excessively self-deprecating "EFF ME"s everytime you do something even remotely not-scoring-a-goal-like

Goose: See: Connolly, Tim.

Jason Pominville: I missed the way when you skate your kidney-protecting pad sticks out and I always know it's you from far away, along with something weird about your skates but I can't remember what it is now. Do you lace them funny or something?

Ryan Miller: I love you forever and always x1,000,000,000,000

Chris Butler: Sir Christopher.... Butts.... I didn't miss you, get your act together.

Patrick Kaleta: Patty, patty, patty, I didn't miss your neck injuries and concussions and what not. But I did miss your shit-eating grins. Never change.

Matt Ellis: I missed your "If I don't play well today, they'll feed me to the lions tomorrow" style. Never change, Matty.

Nathan Paetsch: you're still on this team?

Patrick Lalime: Iiiiii...ummmm...you'd better play well tonight.

Clarke MacArthur: I missed the many ways in which you are not David Backes. Which is to say, I didn't miss you at all.

Nathan Gerbe: Um, get recalled soon, thanks.

Andrej Sekera: Yyeahhh...

Craig Rivet: I missed your foxy veteren-ness. There were some veterans on Team USA but non as DILF-like as you, Craigory.

Jochen Hecht: Yeah, I watched you play. Your team wasn't very good. Sorry, Yo-yo.

Tyler Myers: NEVER BE AWAY FOR THAT LONG EVER AGAIN. Don't start being all "I'm 20 now, I'm a man of the WORLD" on us. You will always be the Jolly Blonde Giant. I love you.

Lindy: Don't you be flashin' your gold medal around Ryan, he might cut you. Fo' realz.

I think I missed these two most of all:

We won't see him until Wednesday

But this sexy beast we get back today!!

Awwwww yeah.
Wouldn't it have been awesome if Rick had called the gold medal game?

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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable