Friday, May 9, 2008

Phew! Finally, Some Hockey!

by Anne

Phew! Finally! Hockey came back for us last night. I watched 2 games at the same time. The sound was on for the Worlds because I paid $4.95 to watch it and I want my money's worth. No offense Dallas, but on the off chance you pull this one off and make it to the Cup Finals, I have to start distancing myself. I can't have anything hinder my ability to root wildly and passionately for the Penguins should you face them in the Finals. I'll have to go back to hating you as much as I did in 1999. Ooooook, maybe not THAT much, I can't hate STuuuuUUUUU BARNES that much, or Brenden Morrow and Brad Richards who are duking it out for their place as my Stars PBF. Ok, let's say as much as I did in 2001.

Unnnnfortunately, if the Flyers manage to SOMEHOW get by my (temporary) boys, and the Stars manage to WIN, I'll have to throw my support BACK to the Stars. These are the times that try fans' souls.

SO! Dallas and Detroit squared off in Detroit last night. I appreciate that this year's Western Conference finalist teams are not in the Pacific Time Zone, and therefore we on the East Coast have the possibility of watching all of their games, as it is highly unlikely any of them will start past 9:30 pm EST.

I bet the first person to realize that "West" and "Best" rhyme really wishes they had patented that phrase and all its permutations. They'd be rollin' in Bentleys and Cristal and uhh other rich people stuff like truffles. I've never tasted truffles but I'm gonna go ahead and assume they're like an orgasm in your mouth because in order to buy them you have to get a 2nd mortgage or sell a vital organ on the black market. Seriously, sometimes you can buy them at Wegman's for $999.00/lb. NO JOKE. MY ENTIRE TAX REFUND WOULDN'T BUY ME A POUND OF BLACK TRUFFLE. Thomas Vanek is the only person I can think of who can reasonably justify buying them. Him and B. Tom Goli (Golly).

Unfortch that game was pretty BRU-TAL for Dallas. It was totally one-sided for Detroit. Whoops. That Osgood dude is pretty good. Detroit annoys me, they're really good without much personality. I mean, at least when the Sabres were the boss of (almost) everyone we did things like "Andrew Peters' Odd Jobs" Detroit is a SNOOZE. And, friggin', gross me out with those octopi. That's enough, get a new tradition. That one's just nasty. Although....Heeeenriiiiik I've got a coooookboooook for you to read to meeee ;)

Whatevs, tomorrow is the team I'm allowed to care about v. a team I really don't like. Unforch for the Flyers, Kimmo Timonen has a blood clot in his foot. YO. What is with bodily malfunctions that are NO JOKE these days? Halpie's ruptured ACL? Thoresen nearly losing a family jewel? Sean Avery's rebellious lacerated spleen? Now this? YIKES. GENO, PROTECT YOURSELF. SID, WEAR AN EXTRA HELMET. RY-RY SLEEP IN PLASTIC BUBBLE. NO SHARING DRINKS OR KISSING. Unless you're kissing me, then PUCKER UP! I don't have mono.

Onto better games:

Team Canada took on Team Norway yesterday afternoon. Why did Canada get the fuzzy end of the lollipop and have to play all their games in the afternoon?

They won... but just barely. It was 2-1 and the 2nd goal was scored late in the game. Roysie had an assist on my Caps PBF (Mike Green)'s goal, and then My Caps PBF had an assist on Nasher's goal. Wooo!

Kotalik had an assist in the Czech Republic's 5-0 pwning of Switzerland. Woo! Take THAT Martin Gerber. WHY ARE SO MANY GOALIES NAMED MARTIN? Brodeur, Biron, Turco, Gerber. WTF?

I FINALLY got to watch a Team USA game. It was pretty sweet, 30 seconds in Zach Parise scored, then within the next 2 minutes Patrick O'Sullivan and James Wisniewski scored. It was pretty awesome, I punched out my own 2 front teeth in celebration.

What was not awesome was Craig Anderson allowing like 3 goals on 10 shots. Granted, 2 of the German goals were accidentally deflected in by USA players....Hmmmm...they should probably work on that.... maybe in between country line dancing lessons and the afternoon nature walk.

Anyway, Zachary had 2 goals in the game, including the game winner. Pommer scored on a 5 on 3 which was very anti-climactic. Even their goal celebration was pretty low key. Apparently USA is trying to be old school European and not get excited about their goals. It was pretty weird. I was so glad to see that Pommer has decided to share with the world his NASTY ASS habit of chewing on his GROSS mouth guard. I mean, in his defense, watching him move that thing around so swiftly without using his hands is pretty impressive. His mouth must be- you know what, I've already said "orgasm" once in this post, oops now twice, so I think I'm just gonna leave it at that.

You want to hear more about Jason Pominville? OK!

So the story going around the Worlds is that Pommer grew up in Buffalo. Well, I suppose, technically he could've grown up emotionally or as a hockey player and he has aged a couple of years while living here, but ya know, grammar school, high school, puberty: all in Quebec.

Things that are different in International Play:
  1. There is no-touch icing
  2. The clock counts UP
  3. Jason Pominville grew up in Buffalo

Here's a familiar sight to Sabres fans:

Roysie celebrating his goal against Team USA!

Look! Craig's pads match his uni, Tim Tom

I can't be too hard on Tim Tom, he pulled a classic "groin injury" out during the game against Canada. Awww, just like old times with the Dominator. In that game, Anderson allowed 2 goals on 10 shots. Ok. So I hate to rag on people...ok no I don't... but Craig Anderson kind of SUCKS. I say we keep Esche in for good. Then have the Sabres sign him. We don't need MORE YOUTH. I know Jhonas Enroth is pretty amazering and all, but we need an older BU. Besides Jhonas won't be with the Sabres next season, 1. because he's too young, and 2. oh yeah, he hasn't signed a contract as of this writing.

It's really sickening how much time I spend on hockey related websites during my day. I rotate among gossip sites, Facebook, Gmail, blogs,,,, etc. etc. It's pretty LAME. And by LAME I mean AWESOME AND I LOVE DOING IT.

Adam Burish updated and gave us all a taste of Camp Morningwood's Daily Itinerary.

Here's my favorite excerpt:
All these guys eat then head back up to their rooms for our afternoon nap.

WOW. "Our" collective naptime. Martin Brodeur was right. Hockey players are just overgrown children...does this mean they're easily trained and do what they're told? Because you've basically just described my perfect man. Throw in a deeply rooted love for washing the dishes and and an un-placeable accent and I'm yours.

Do you think he likes washing the dishes? WOOP! Don't tell me about his "girlfriend" it's all a charade.

What am I going to do come next year when I'm not sitting at a desk all day (other than be thrilled that I'm not at a desk all day?) I'll only be able to check these sites INTERMITTENTLY. WTF? How will I bring you all the up to the week updates you're all so used to?!?!

Private to Drew Stafford:

As much as I appreciate your hustle out there and your ability to look good while apparently sucking out loud at soccer, you really haven't yet earned your stripes back from Pommer. In fact, his hold on my heart is more secure with each passing day. Although, if I don't quickly get over this mouthguard thing, he might be in jeopardy as well.

Anyhow Staffers, keep on keepin' on. Your line looked pretty sweet tonight. You had a pretty beeyoutiful pass for a goal early on, that's nice.

Loves ya (but not as much as Pommerdoodle),


1 comment:

  1. great post, as always. very amusing.

    I keep meaning to ask, and forgetting- I know you will soon be leaving your current job, but what comes next? I missed that part and I'm curious!

    Anyway I love the world championship recaps, since I've had limited computer access lately. :) thanks!


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