Friday, April 4, 2008

It's all John Tortorella's Fault

by Anne

The Sabres downfall this season is all John Tortorella's fault.

Ok, hear me out.

Mr. "Winningest Coach in 'Bolts History" Tortorella is coaching the USA Men's National Team this May in the World Championships.

Who is the best active American-born Goaltender? Heh? HEH?

Ryan Horatio Miller

(Ok, so his middle name probably isn't Horatio, but since none of you can prove its NOT, I say it is.)

Anytick, it all makes sense, who are some other American Born Goaltenders? The only other goaltender I see giving Millsey a run for his money is Pretty Ricky, and Pretty Ricky is 1) not as good 2) injured 3) a better puck handler oh, we're saying bad things... 3) not a Sabre.

There's also Conkers who has played for Team USA several times before, but he's in the playoffs...sort of. He probably won't see any ice time.

There's also the issue of Pommerdoodle. Pommerdoodle has dual U.S. and Canadian citizenship. Therefore, in theory, he could play for either team if he chose to do so. I would assume his loyalties lie with Canada as that is where he was raised, but we could TOTALLY use him on Team USA.

And there's Staffy who in the World Juniors played with Team USA in their first and only Gold Medal finish in 2004. Woooo Staffers!

I actually don't really want Millsey to play, as BA as he would be, he needs the rest. Although, there probably won't be as much pressure on him as there is during the NHL season. I would, however, love for Staffy to play. The more ice time he sees, the better, in my opinion.

Go Team USA!

Oh yeah, and my pipe dream is over, the 8 Western Conference teams in the playoffs are aleady a Kaner. Maybe KANER can play for Team USA! Yay!


  1. aw rats.

    But hey it'll be cool to maybe have some guys I care about playing on the World Championship teams this year!

    heck, if Miller wants to play, let 'em. May is a long way from October, he has time in between to rest up.

    now if we could just figure out how to get tv coverage of the games.. know where they're gonna be this year?

  2. They're in Halifax and Quebec City. Big Bear is from Quebec City! Maybe he'll play for Team Canada! Wooo

  3. I am totally cool with blaming everything on Tortorella.

  4. I would think Miller would be a pretty solid lock for Team USA. I think Staffy's a probably and Goose a maybe.

    And Team Canada would have to be stupid not to invite Roy-Z and Pommers to play after the season they had.

    Of course, I know nothing about international hockey and the politics involved, so watch me be completely wrong.

  5. Amy, I feel the same about Team USA, they'll definitely ask Millsey, but I don't know how all that stuff works. Team Austria is probably ecstatic that Buffalo didn't make the playoffs. They're TERRIBLE but there's always Vanek. However, Vanek's been here since age 14, does he have dual citizenship?


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable