Every Hockey Player Loves Two Things: Steak and Entourage

by Anne


I could spend probably the entire day perusing hockey websites and blogs. I think this might qualify as an addiction.... maybe.

REGARDLESS.

My WCB (Western Conference Boyfriend) quest soldiers on.

Dallas Stars: Ehhh I still don't know

Detroit Red Wings:

Brett Lebda

I'm trying to overlook the fact that he plays for the Red Wings, but he's just too darn lovable to ignore.

Edmonton Oilers:

I really want to love Shawn Horcoff but his face looks like it got into a fight with the business end of a bronco, so I'm going to have to pass on that one.

Erik Cole intrigues me. He was born in Oswego, but he won the Cup with Carolina, but he didn't even play in the series against us because he was injured. He's the only player in NHL history to be awarded 2 penalty shots in 1 game. But I'm just not feelin' it.

Can we just discuss the love/hate relationship I have with teams like the Oilers and the Caps who opt for the "East Wannaka High School Class of 1996 Senior Portraits" style for their "Roster" page that lists the players name number and physical stats but not, oh, say what position they play? Its awesome and annoying. Mostly annoying because, unlike Senior portraits, no one is wearing one of those awkward sweetheart top smocks or posing with a piano or looking wistfully off into the distance with a Barabara Walters style filter over their face and backlighting. But I digress....

My Edmonton Oilers Boyfriend is Ethan Moreau, based mostly on the following:

Adorable children

He played in Niagara Falls for a while and


He's the captain and has Tyra-worthy roster photo
SMOULDERING

Los Angeles Kings:

Matt Greene

Ok so the first Matt Greene interview I watched made me drowsy with boredom, and NOT THE HILARITY ADAM BURISH PROMISED. However, investigate him on YouTube and he'll bring the chuckles:

"Spiritual Dancing" that's all i have to say.


Watch this one all the way to the end or you won't get the funny part
hahahahahahaha

He's also missing a lot of teeth which is kind of endearing

Moving on:

I may have gotten hit on via email by someone from Austria. I'm really not sure if I should respond to this email, THOUGHTS? Its written in decidedly broken English and his last name is (to me) unpronounceable. GUIDE ME, FRIENDS. I do suspect it might be S(h)ara as she's done things like this to me in the past. However, this email address is so complicated that if it is her, I'd really be just way more impressed that she managed to acquire an Austrian email address for the sole purpose of harrassing me sexually than I would be annoyed that she's creeping me out. The amount of effort required to obtain this email address vastly outweighs how much enjoyment she could possibly get out of emailing me pretending to be "Mario".

THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR POSTING A "YOU ROCK, TV!!" message on ThomasVanek26.com.

NEVER AGAIN.

I have a pet Dragun

by Anne

Last night was a thoroughly disappointing night of hockey. I don't particularly care about the Habs/Flyers series, but I was disappointed to see Halak be handed a loss in his first start in the playoffs. I don't really know if it was a smart move to start him or not. He was rather apt to not control his rebounds. Carey Price definitely still has a starting job. Poor Carey, although in the sexiness category, he still has Halak beat by a mile...or 10.


And then the Stars had to go and NOT sweep the Sharks. Boooooooo. Now you have to go back to the Shark Tank. Where's Stu? He didn't play, it made me sad. Get better Stu! THEN COME BACK TO BUFFALO!

Phew, I actually have Sabres related things to talk about. Thank goodness. I can't pretend to give a hoot about the Habs for too much longer and I can kind of give a hoot about the Stars, but unless Pittsburgh is playing, it's all a charade. HOW CRAZY WOULD A PENS/FLYERS EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL BE?


Anyhoot, Danny Pie-YAY was on the radio this morning talking about a 5K run he's hosting or whatevering on Saturday. If I felt like getting out of bed before noon on Saturdays, I might attend.


The run/walk goes down by the Marina, and they were of course trying to get him to point out where all the Sabres live down there. He declined. What? Why? You don't want to jeopardize the privacy of your teammates? Pfft.


It was mentioned that Roysie has a boat, let's sneak in and take the keys, we'll look the other way if you don't want us to know which house is his. He TOTALLY won't miss it, Pie-Z he's busy being sick and NOT having a paintball war with Marty St. Louis.


Then they asked if him Jay McKee was going to be there. This made me almost crash into the metal divider I was so carefully attempting to avoid while I parked. He wasn't sure if he was coming or not, he hadn't heard. Yo, I don't care if it's at 4:00 a.m. and I have to jog 3 miles in a gorilla suit, if JKee is there, I will TOTALLY go. Let's investigate this futher, Daniel and get back to me.


They were of course telling him how they missed the Sabres in the playoffs and Danny genuinely seemed to feel bad that they let the fans down. Awwwwwww. It's ok Danny, I don't think anyone's mad at you in particular. I know I'm not anyway.


He said that Montreal was his team when he was a kid, so maybe he can talk some sense into the Habs. I've always wondered how that feels to play against your former favorite team, are they still your favorite? Do you still want to beat them? How does it feel to play for a team you might previously have disliked or been indifferent to? Do you care at all or is it just exciting enough to be playing in the NHL?


Danny, don't just sit around and watch TBS all day...which he apparently does most days from 4:00 - 6:00. WOW. I get out of work at 5:00, let's go to the mall or something. I'm sure your fiancee won't mind. Speaking of which, Danny and Fiancee are getting married in July of 2009. How cute, he probably didn't want to conflict with Vanek and Petey's nuptials... or they wanted to take their sweet ass time planning the weddning. Anyway, oy, can I juggle ANOTHER platonic boyfriend? That's at least 4. I'll have to think about that one. Although, he would be my only PBF in Buffalo this summer, but things would get complicated when they're all back in town next season.


I am enjoying Marty's successes in the playoffs, but only Marty's sucesses, not the Flyers successes...and a little bit Danny Briere, but not a lot. S(h)ara told me a story about our friends little sister (and by little I mean she's like 20) who saw Danny Briere at Olive Garden last year and started to cry... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah(gasp)hahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaha. Oh man, Rachel, I loved Danny Briere, but crying when you see him? That's totally righteous. That's emotional dedication. Were these big sloppy tears? Was there wailing? Granted, if I saw Danny Briere in Olive Garden in Buffalo now I might cry...and then recommend he leave as soon as possible, for his own safety.

---

Private to Paul Gaustad:

I SWEAR TO GOD I'M NOT STALKING YOU.

Love and 100 yards of personal space,

Anne


So I posted a lengthy post about the wacky (read: totally uneventful) evening I spent at the same bar as the Goose (sad I know, but he's ridiculously hot so I don't care) just a few days ago.


I, apparently, live around the corner from the Goose, but cannot ever recall seeing him around Buffalo before. I heard he enjoys hitting up a nearby coffee shop I also patronize, but never at the same time. SO, I'm standing in the prepared foods section at Wegman's debating if I want chicken or fish when I see this wicked tall guy standing next to me. For those who don't know me personally, wicked tall men are my weakness. Like the taller the better, Zdeno Chara...ok, maybe not him. Anyway, so I notice this gent, but don't want to be too obvious by checking him out, and besides I can only see his back, which, hey, wasn't anything to complain about. WINK. Then, he turns around and is tossing something and catching it which makes me look up, and YUP, it was Goose. I can't imagine he thought "that girl was at that bar the other night", but I still felt weird. So, I left prepared foods and went to produce. Soon after, Goose arrived, same thing happened in the dairy department. Haha. Whoops. But DAMN, he's even super hot having appeared to have not shaved since the dawn of time and wearing jeans and a hoodie. My friend Jenn of course insists that its fate and was pissed I didn't talk to him. Yo, what conversation could we have started at the fish counter at Wegman's?

Hey Paul! How's the sports hernia?

I like scallops too! We're so much alike! Let's go screw.

You're a foot taller than I am! And I'm wearing flats too! That's really great!

Your toenail is all black and blue, I noticed when I walked by and tried not to run it over. Gross, you should do something about that.

Do you think Wegman's frowns upon people doin' it on the olive bar?


Hmmmmm, I'm not sure how those would fly as openers. I mean, is there any casual way to start talking to someone who's clearly well known around these parts? Am I supposed to pretend I don't know who he is? Yeah, I'd be able to carry that off for about 25 seconds. I'm thinking starting to talk about hockey probably isn't they way to go. Here's a thought, maybe I could've just said HI. Damn. Such a clever opening line. I'm gonna just go ahead and wait til I run into him again...which now will never happen. Dang!

Sidenote: "Drew Stafford" (I don't know if its really him or not, that's not the point) and I are now friends on Facebook. The only reason I added him as a friend was so I could laugh at the "Anne and Drew Stafford are now friends" line in my newsfeed. Haha. I had this "FluffFriend" thing that was a pet dragon with really heavy eyebrows that I named Drew Stafford. On the offchance "Drew Stafford" is really Drew Stafford, I opted to change his name. Besdies, the novelty of having a pet dragon named after a hockey player had worn off. Now his name is Wesley like in the Princess Bride.

The Goose is on the Loose

by Anne

Boo Wings, Boo Flyers.

Whatever.

Ok, now that that's over with:

Ok, so post-hockey and post a MAJOR day of cleaning around my parents house and my own, I opted for the Saturday night tradition of hitting up some bars in Buffalo with some girlfriends. We went down to Elmwood, we being me, S(h)ara, our friend Allison and our friend Jenn. While at a bar, S(h)ara was attempting to mack it with the bartender, Jenn was talking to some random boys, and Allison and I were chatting over drinks when I, who was facing the wall of windows saw some REALLY cute boys walk by. Like, boys that were definitely worthy of watching them as they passed when all of a sudden I realized that one of them had a face I'd seen before. It took me, oh, .6 seconds to realize whose face it was.

Now, I've been pretty sure that Paul Gaustad has jogged by me or been 6 lines down from me at Wegman's before, but never in my life was I so sure that Goose had just walked by that window. I immediately put down my drink, whispered to Allison my suspicions and without breaking stride we peaced outside to see that he had disappeared. Were we thwarted? Hells no. There's a classy bar next door, so we decided to stop in and lo and behold, there was Goose with his boys, none of whom were Sabres. So we grabbed our stuff and Jenn and S(h)ara who had no clue where we had disappeared to and hung out for a time at the classier bar that Goose deemed worthy of his patronage. Did we talk to him? No. Did we talk to one of his buddies who was also pretty hot? Yes. Is Goose even hotter and taller in person than we could have possibly comprehended? HELLS YES.

He did not appear to be recovering from recent surgery, so I'm guessing that sports hernia surgery didn't happen this past week. Either that or he was most definitely ignoring doctor's orders by consuming alcohol. What did he drink? I have no idea but he left a good tip. Aw, good boy, Goosie!

In the bar we were in there were tons of Sabres B&W portraits up, including one of Goose, did that make him uncomfortable? I don't think so, he's probably used to it.

His boys were totally creating a Fortress of Solitude around him and there was no female interference. So, Goose was not trolling for tail last night or he would've talked to one of us. We 4 ladies are pretty varied; one of us has got to be at least close enough to his type to be worthy of some innocent flirtation if he were in the market.

It proved to me that, even if I didn't know anything about him, yes, I would still think Goose is incredibly good looking.

Was it totally awesome? OMG YES.

S(h)ara and I determined that even though I love Goose immensely, I was fully able to restrain myself, probably because he's uncomfortably attractive to the point where I wouldn't expect to talk to him because he's totally beyond my grasp, lol. However, as S(h)ara pointed out, if it were Big Bear I could not be held responsible for my actions.

I love Buffalo.

EDIT: I'm not sure how I forgot to mention this, but at one point Goose got up to go to the bathroom and on his way by bumped into S(h)ara's purse and said "excuse me". Awww, he's so polite. I think she'll have that purse bronzed.

Um Yeah

by Anne


I watched not one second of hockey last night. I was at a play. Although, I would've much rather have been watching teams I have only moderate emotional investment in than sitting through that production populated by friends of mine, whoops.


The only thing sadder than the Sabres not making the playoffs is the Sabres leaving town extra early. This means with each Saturday night that passes when I'm tanked in downtown Buffalo, the chance of running into one of those bodacious hotties rapidly decreases. Friends have tried to point out to me that there are other men who live in the City of Buffalo but these platitudes fall on deaf ears.


Sigh.


I am determined to take incriminating photos of the Buffalo Sabres to blackmail them into hanging out with me.

What made me think of this, was this entry from My Safety is Harvard. I got all jealous and tried to justify blowing my money and flying to Atlanta with the outside chance I might be withing 10 blocks of Staffy, when something occurred to me: Anne, you live in the same city as Drew Stafford basically 8 months out of the year and make no attempts to stalk him here, why would you travel to the south to do it? Answer: I'm crazy and bored.


Anyway, I watched the Caps/Flyers game today and I noticed what I think has been the reason the tide has turned in this series:


AO has shaved his monster beard into a goatee.


While I appreciate that he looks much less werewolf like, I'm not sure how I feel about the departure from the rustic "I don't bathe either" look he was rocking before. GASP! What's next? Plucking the unibrow? Don't let all this playoff badassery go to your head, Ovie. I likes you just the way you is.