Game 6 or Anne Doesn't Want to Talk About It

by Anne

• Game 6 is tonight and that's all I can say about it

• I'm really excited about the two Portland Pirates games that will be played in Buffalo. I've already circled November 12 on my calendar

• Slick Rick will be on the Lunch Express this week. Wooo! Loves me some Rick Jeanneret

• The world would be a better place if everyone did what they were best at and only that. Leave the other things to the people who are best at those things

• "smithfield nc welcome to KKK" was what someone searched and found our blog.. Also, whomever it was that searched "Sabretooth emoticon" and found our blog, can you tell me where I can find one as well?

• After the United States and Canada, the country that came in 3rd with the most hits in the entire history of our blog is Malaysia

• Let's go Pens.
  

AWK-ward

by Anne

Google Analytics is fun. Sometimes it gives you hilarious search terms that people used to find your blog, such as:

can the amazing powers of pie cure this world of miley circus?

Misspelling by searcher, not me.

Today while perusing, I organized the search engine terms by how much time the person who had searched spent on the blog perusing different pages.

Most people find this blog by accident and peace out after a few seconds. Most people never leave the first page they land on and the vast majority of visitors just hit the front page and read our latest ramblings.

Anyway, one of the longest times spent on this page in the last month was someone who searched "matt greene" they were on for like 6-7 minutes and looked at like 5 pages. Out of curiosity I checked where they were searching from, because I like to know where the people who read this blog come from. They came from Hermosa Beach, California, which is not all that far from LA. Probably a Kings fan who appreciates a quality stay at home defenseman. They only visited one day and no one from Hermosa Beach has been back since.

This would've all just rolled off my back if I hadn't come across this article from the LA times today. I don't remember how I found it now, I wasn't even looking for anything about Matt Greene. I think I just Googled "Drew Doughty" for whatever reason. I think it was because Puck Daddy had a piece up about him today and I realized that in my new found love for his team I really didn't know anything about their rookie.

You can read the article if you want, but here's the most important sentence for my purposes:

The "I Love L.A." life is handled by defenseman Matt Greene, who was asked to take in Doughty at his Hermosa Beach residence.

Excuse me while I alternate between laughing hysterically and feeling a little freaked out.

Does this mean Matt Greene has read my posts? No, of course not. I'm sure Matt Greene has much more important things to do than sit down and Google his own name and search until he found this blog. It's probably just a coincidence, but for me to find these two things on the same day is too weird. Hell, for all I know its one of his neighbors or some chick he's, um, friendly with.

That article does explain why he and Drew Doughty are always together.

Well Matthew, if that was you and you ever come back to this blog, I hope my fondness for you doesn't freak you out, I mean it with all sincerity and in the least stalkerish way possible. For example, it took me until well over a month after that article was published to even find it.

Good/awkward times.

Pirates game tomorrow! Yay!! S(h)ara bought us pirate hats. We are SO COOL.

ETA: Out of curiosity I expanded the time frame from a month to a year and the same IP address has visited this site from Hermosa Beach at least 4 times and every time they found this page their search term was related to Matt Greene. I'm not sure how to feel. I mean its the free exchange of information and absolutely everyone can read this thing, even the people that are mentioned in it. Woooooooo.....

Google Analytics OR It's Only Funny to Me.

by Anne

Google Analytics never ceases to bring a chuckle and puzzlement. For example:

Does Paul Gaustad have a baby (I don't think so?)

Wonderful wednesday on glornax-7 (glad to hear it)

snuff fetish stupid spoiled whore blogspot (Mom, is that you?)

Mike Millbury have another doughnut (seriously, what?)

bbbrrrrlllllliiiiinnngggg. we believe this knife is yours. (Apparently its the title of a Pensblog post...? How did they end up here?)

Over 11,000 visits to our blog since it was created in January. That's quite impressive to me. That means there are plenty o' people who ain't commenting. Say something! I love when people comment!!

WOOOO!

IS IT OCTOBER 10TH YET? NO? REALLY? CRUD.

Google Analytics is so Entertaining

by Anne

There was no hockey of any kind or of any interest last night, so I'm delving into more funny search engine terms. Most people only do this once every 5 months, but I think it's comedic genius.


I'm assuming the person that found this thing by searching for "(my full name)'s sabres blog", is someone I actually know.


Once again, I'm sorry I don't have shirtless pictures of:

Danny Briere
Henrik Lundqvist
Joel Lundqvist

This blog is not a hotbed for topless photos. However, I inadvertently came across this clip last night in which Danny Breire is shirtless in the background for about 4 seconds. So, enjoy:

To the person who searched for "whore" and "drury" Ha! My thoughts exactly.

"Carey Price interview + Glass of Milk" - It's strange that someone found this blog by searching for that, and stranger still that our blog does boast these terms.

"hahahahha" - We are pretty HILARIOUS

"jason pominville and brian campbell bringin sexy back" - they TOTALLY are, from coast to coast.

"the song when I need that old wa hoo" - Everyone needs a good old "wa hoo" from time to time. I hope we were able to provide it.


To those in search of middle names:

According to Wikipedia, Goose's middle name is Michael. According to his blog, Pommerdoodle's is John. Since many of you are interested in Kaleta's middle name...let's just say it's Jean-Luc and call it a day. Clarke MacArthur's middle name? Um, Olaf. Danny Briere? Igor. As I've said before, I'm telling everyone Ryan Miller's middle name is Horatio until someone can prove that its not.


Everyone's freaking out about playoff beards and their history. Most of the time I think I don't care, but then I got all bothered when I see that a player who previously had a beard has shaved it off. Cough Chris Drury cough.


Today, Team Canada faces off against Team USA, a prospect that appears to have Pommerdoodle piddling himself. Don't worry, Pommers, Team Canada is probably going to wipe the floor with you guys. Probably. Not definitely, just probably. They face off a 3:30 EDT. That's LAME. I'll still be at work, and I won't be able to watch it. That totally blows.


Whatevs! Go Team USA! I hope you don't get totally blown out of the water by your amigos on Team Canada! Woo!

Analyzing our Analytics

by Anne


Whoever invented Google Analytics is the greatest person to ever live. It is good for never ending entertainment.


About once a week, I check our Google Analytics search engine stats because they're frequently totally ridiculous. They're mostly "Sabretooth", "Paul Gaustad Sabres", and "Pat Kaleta middle name" type searches, but there are a few gems and some that leave me scratching my head.


For example, we have two hits for "Nashville Predators". Exactly how long did you have to page through Google's results before you got to our page? I'm guessing quite a while.


There are some definite "huh?" search terms:


To the person (or persons) who finds our site by searching for shirtless hockey players, uh, sorry. I can recall posting pictures of Vinny, Ry-ry, Higgy and Eric Godard shirtless, but not any of the following that were being searched for:

Jason Spezza
Jarome Iginla
Marian Gaborik
Rick Dipietro
Nathan Gerbe (?!?!?!)


I also appreciate the "90s school picture with laserbeams" hit. That is in direct reference to a picture of Derek Roy in this post.

Also, the person who searched for "chocolate icecream", Hey there! I don't think a hockey blog is what you were looking for but, FYI, Breakaway Berrier is quite tasty.

Other entertaining hits include:

"welcome to the house of awesome"

We are pretty rockin'

"where does Derek Roy house"

I don't know. Where DOES Derek Roy house himself?

"Sabretooths grandson"

Congratulations, Toothy!

"leg and soul pain"

Sometimes, when a player's leg is in pain, his absence causes my soul pain, too

"Max Leake and Amerks"

Who?

"fuckyou"
"fuck"
"house fuck"

Wow, I never knew our blog contained so much profanity



My favorite goes to:

"'brady bunch movie' mic groin'"

Exactly what we were going for when we started this blog. I searched for it and the top hit for that exact phrase is a page of posts from January; one in which I mention how much one of the Jonas Brothers looks like the kid who played Greg in the Brady Bunch Movie, and another post where I talked about Afinogenov's groin.

First runner up is:

"doota baranek"

Is that a person? I searched for it and got a random website in Russian....not our blog.

One that creeped me out the most:

"Paul Gaustad mothers house address"

Um, please don't stalk Mother Goose. That would not be cool.

"Derek Whitmore" is the search term that brings us the most traffic. I, apparently, am the only person on the interwebs that gives a hoot about our undrafted recently signed college player. Whoops. Thanks to MK for our #2 hit of "Oscar Kaleta is a BAMF".


"Ryan Miller" is by far our most popular tag, next one is "Paul Gaustad" Really? I thought it'd be "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here".


Not surprisingly, our overall hits were on a steady decline through March. Why is this not surprising? Because the Sabres were also on a steady decline in March, and who wants to read blogs about a slowly declining team? Well I do, but we bloggers are probably in the minority on that one. On the other hand, site visits went drastically UP in the month of April...as did my hope for the Buffalo Sabres.


There are peeps all over the place reading this thing. Some of them are me updating during vacation, but, 5 in Massachusetts, 17 in California? 24 in Florida? I'm gonna assume the 24 in Florida have something to do with all the posts about Richard Zednik. Who are you people?

I assume any or all of the Europe ones are Gambler or my old roommate who's in the UK right now. Who's reading our blog in Iran and Argentina? 27 hits in Austria? All from Vienna? SABREBRITNEY?!?!?! ARE YOU READING OUR BLOG? On the off chance he is: Don't take all those "Britney" jokes to heart, Thomas Vanek, I TOTALLY love you, hahaha. Wait, didn't Gambler say she was in Austria? Although, I'm assuming she didn't visit our blog 14 times in one day....Vanek? Wikipedia tells me that he was born near Vienna, lol.


Anyhoot, thanks for reading and searching for totally random things!