Monday, July 14, 2008

Just a Couple Things While I Pack

by Anne

Today I head to Chicago to visit MK while she slaves away at graduate school and I dick around having absolutely nothing to do for a week and it's AWESOME.

One of my missions that I shall undertake when I'm alone while MK is in class is to attempt to find wherever it is that the Blackhawks play. I have a feeling this will be quite easy and will not take up as much of my day as anticipated.

I plan on searching out the Chicago Blackhawks GM, Dale Tallon and promptly staging an intervention because, clearly, someone has lost his ever-loving mind. I will deck myself out, head to toe, in Sabres gear, just for added emphasis. BRIAN CAMPBELL IS NOT WORTH $56.8 MILLION, DALE. CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY? I think a large sign and a bullhorn will be the best route to take. Perhaps a large flag? I'm still fleshing out ideas.

Then I'll fly on into the night to my next conquest: the Tampa Bay Lightning owners. They might take a while, I'll put on a pot of coffee.

So I got wicked sunburned last week and now my skin has reached that ubersexy state of peeling off my back like scotch tape that's lost its sticky-ness. Nothing says "listen to me as I try to talk reason into you, Blackhawks" like leprosy.

The school she attends is in White Sox territory. This means absolutely nothing to me.

I've been to Wrigley field before, but I think I'll stop in while I'm there to see how the construction is coming on their Winter Classic rink. Once again, I'll be decked out in Sabres gear so they'll know I mean business.

I will also try to find Oprah to convince her to give me a car too. COME ON, OPRAH! GIVE A GIRL A CHANCE!

This shall be a highly photo journalistic endeavour, expect many hard-hitting photographic exploits, including pictures of funny looking people and cute dogs. Only the facts people, only the facts.

The last time I was in Chicago was when I turned 10, so almost exactly 13 years ago. My memory isn't that good, I'm going to assume it'll be like I've never been there before. I also plan to get totally wasted while there. On like a Tuesday. That's how I roll- keep up, peeps.

If anyone has any Chicago-ly suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. I'll have my computer with me so I'll be regularly updating with several hard-hitting touristy observations about the mid-west.

I fly into Detroit to steal back our President's Trophy. Shhhhhh! Don't tell them I'm coming. They'll never know. Muaahahahahahahahaha! Of course, I have to fly back through Detroit, so they might be expecting me... this might be a kink in my plan. Hmmmmmm.... perhaps it's for the best considering I have no idea how far The Joe is from the Detroit airport. To steal it from HSBC Arena would take about 20 minutes from the airport, no problem there. Wait, why am I encouraging people to steal from the Sabres?

Ok so I should really go pack and head to the drugstore for stuff. Wait. Is that 3 oz rule applicable to domestic flights? Cripes. I have lots of shampoo. DARN. Wait, I'll just mooch of MK. YES. Problem solved. I'm good at this game.

AND! The NHL schedule should be released sometime today!!! WOOOOOOOOO! WHO'S PUMPED?! This girl, that's who!! WOOOOO!

Ok, see y'all in Chicago.


  1. Nothing says "listen to me as I try to talk reason into you, Blackhawks" like leprosy.

    I'm pretty sure I applauded my computer when I read that line. Anne, you are HILARIOUS! (And who knew the Blackhaws + excessive sunburn could be hilarious?)

  2. Well, perhaps the "Blackhaws," as I mistyped, could be hilarious. It's the real team that I'm not so sure about! :)

  3. Jess is right, you are hilarious. And witty, beautiful, clever and the Mommy of the world's cutest feline. What's with Paille??? (Is that spelled right?)


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable