Sunday, May 25, 2008


by Anne

Red Wings 4 - Penguins 0, Detroit leads series 1-0.


So after 2 periods of some pretty excellent defensive play, we were finally treated to that offensive bonanza we had been promised for so many days. However, the only team "bonanza-ing" was the Detroit Red Wings. The Pens just seemed stunned. Grrrrrrreeeaaaaat. Getting shut out is not cool. Not cool at all. We're gonna chalk it up to nerves and an unfamiliar building and call it a day. A very frustrating, painful, irritating day.

But! We don't give up! We soldier on! Monday night they have a chance to redeem themselves. I don't care how many stats they pull out about the winning of the first game stats. They aren't out of this thing yet. Not by a longshot. As The Pensblog pointed out, if you picked the Pens to win in more than 4 games, they're gonna have to lose a couple along the way. It's ok. Don't worry.

Private to Marc-Andre Fleury:

Flower, you're still ok in my book. People will mock you for face planting whilst entering the ice for the game, I personally appreciated the humor of the moment. I was probably the only one that wasn't a Red Wings fan who enjoyed it.

Please try to stay on your feet more often, and keep your mask on.


Private to Sidney Crosby:

Your long curly locks, creepy facial hair and awkwardly tan Miami Vice-style suit should have repulsed me. However, for some reason, they endeared you to me. I still don't love you, but the fact that I can overlook your obvious poor grooming choices at the age of 20, means we're on the road towards real HockeyLove. Now, if you could please score some of those goals you're so DREADFULLY fond of, I'd appreciate it. Hey, I'm not picky, you can set up Hossa or Dupuis. You can even set up Gonch or Bugsy or Geno on the PP if you want to get fancy. My love has put the Tampa Bay Rays at the top of their division, I think it can do the same for you.

Did Steve Yzerman make you nervous? Was it Unkie Mario? It's ok, Sid. You'll pull it together. Let's be honest, if anyone can, you can.


Private to the Tampa Bay Rays:

I picked you as my baseball team over Easter weekend when it was made apparent that there was no hockey played over the summer; a fact I forget every April. I picked you because I liked your logo and, as MK put it "This team sounds like a bunch of dirty crooks." Multiple bench clearing brawls? Domestic battery charges? This sounds like my kind of team. That, and they suck.

You're only 1/2 game behind Boston for the AL East lead. The same division that now sees the monster Yankees in 5th.

I'm taking all credit for your successes. My love can move mountains. All I really wanted was your first winning season it team history, and you've taken my request and just run with it. Thanks. That's very sweet of you. I still can't name a single one of your players. I'll work on that. Maybe Vinny and I can go to one of your games and laugh about how if a team as bad as the Rays can turn it around, surely the Lightning can do the same next season. We'll share a soft pretzel and start the wave. It'll be sublime.


1 comment:

  1. I was probably the only one that wasn't a Red Wings fan who enjoyed it.

    Oh no, my friends and I (all avid Pens supporters) considered that one of our favorite moments of the night. Physical comedy is always appreciated!

    And I'm personally LOVING watching you give in to the SidLove. haha


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anniebeeswax [at] gmail [dot] com

Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable