Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Random Thoughts about Last Night

by Anne
I think Maxim Afinogenov's goal scoring is directly related to my nasal health. I've been congested since basically Friday, we win a game, Max gets 2 goals, I can breathe.

Every morning I look over who considers to be their stars of the night. All too frequently they disregard my picks entirely. Perhaps my persistent emails are not persistent enough?

My votes for last night's 3 stars:

#3 Andrej Sekera

The kid the boys at The Goose's Roost call "Balls". Balls or no balls (HA!) he played an excellent game in a desperate "Aw shiz, our top D-Man is down, let's play frantic defense." style, yet it paid off. He and Sissy skated well together.

#2 Derek Roy

You TOTES cheated and TOTES got away with it, hahahaha. I think it was a gimmie for not calling the boarding penalty on Hank.

#1 Maxim "The Soviet Bomber" Afinogenov

Ah, Max. I still don't like you, I never have, even after all these years together. Even though I met you once and took pictures of the hilarious shirt you brought into the dry cleaner's where I used to work, but you are still pretty sweet, and you stepped it up last night. You, Big Bear and Goose were a great line. I enjoyed it. Here's the thing about Max that really bothers me:

Why must you tuck in your sweater? It looks sorta LAME-O

Based on the look on his face, I'm assuming Nate-Dogg wasn't excited enough about the goal as Max was. Max looks like "Aw, come on Patches, I score de pointers, I sorry you no score dem as much."

*Sidenote: Who else always starts to type Paetsch's name and then can't remember where the "s" goes? Paestch? Paetcsh? Ha.

Here's a picture that does my heart good:

Gasp! Is that-!

It is! Staffy, playing some defensive hockey! Roughing up some random Flyer. I hope it was Carter, I hate Jeff Carter. Good boy Staffy!

Ok, this smoothie car ride is going to be full.

Just to show some tough love, I will not make smoothie car ride decisions until after tonight's game. So far, its easier just to say who's in the top of the pack and who's definitely out of the running as of right now. But a solid performance tonight could get them back in.

Most likely in:

Pommerdoodle. Eep! 9 game point streak! 24 POINTS IN 19 GAMES! Yay Pommer! You are so creeping up on top 3 favorite Sabre territory inspite of your role as puckbunny fodder.

Roysie. You sir, are pretty BA. And you and Pommer helped Hank the Tank off the ice last night. I seriously love it when players take care of each other like that...and by beating the snot out of whoever hit them.

Soviet. I may not like you, but you were pretty sweet tonight.

Millsey. While not your single greatest game ever, it was still your usual sweetness, and you totes didn't take dat shiz when Hartnell was all up in yo' grill. I love it when you get penalties for roughing. Hahahahahahaha.

*Sidenote, come ON! Who didn't want to see Marty and Millsey go at it? How hilarious did Marty look standing at center ice waiting to go? He looked like a lost penguin.

Most likely out:

Kaleta. My love for you is great, Patty, but you were a little bratty last night. I truly appreciate you standing up for Millsey, but 10 minute misconduct penalties are not cool. Don't yell at the refs, just don't.

Petey. You failed to prove your goal scoring prowess last night.

Kalinin. Do I really need to explain?

Pie-YAY. I know, Lind-o is already being tough on you, but you respond well to tough love, so I can't cave.

All injured players clearly are excused from punishment, as they were not at fault for any mistakes on the ice. So Mikey, Yo yo, Hank and Teppo, while you won't be rewarded with smoothies, know that its not because you were bad, its because you didn't do anything at all.

(Prive to Yo-yo and Hank...I'll bring you back a smoothie....just don't tell the others.)


  1. You used the number three twice, genius.

    And Max tucks his sweater in because its how The Great One used to roll, and that's his idol.

  2. Ha, bite me. I fixed it.

    Yo, I don't care. He looks like a tool. Ha.


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

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