Letters

by Anne

Dear Kings,

Thank you for winning last night. I know it was in the shootout, which isn't my favorite, but at least you won. I appreciate updating the "W" column in your record. It is very enjoyable. Keep up the good work.

Love, Anne

 Wooo! Kings win!

 Dear Joe Beninati,

Thanks for developing an awkward man crush on Matt Greene. He is a "big burly beast," I'm sure he'll be glad to know you think so too. I am thrilled he has returned the Kings' line-up as well.

Love, Anne

What he didn't tell us is that this moose is named Matt Greene as well.

Dear Dustin Brown,

I'm sorry you were ejected from the game unnecessarily. Mostly I'm sorry you were ejected because you didn't do anything wrong. Also I'm sorry because you're on one of my fantasy teams and you killed my average time on ice last night. Please keep this in mind as you move forward in the season.

Love, Anne

I think this picture is from last season

HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE?

Looks like I found the front of this year's Christmas card.

Dear Drew Doughty,

Please wrap your head in bubble wrap and don't sit in any spinny chairs for the next few days. We'd like your coconut to be fully functional and ready to return to the lineup posthaste. I'm sure Simmer doesn't appreciate all the requests for chicken soup and foot massages. Oh yeah, and the Kings miss you. They're doing fine without you so far but they'll be even better WITH you. I'm sure Greener is trying not to take it personally that the first game you missed was his first game back. Bitterness between former housemates? Is there tension? Greener did saw Simmer's shoe in half once.... it's all coming together now.

Love, Anne

TIMMAH was kind enough to let you borrow it

Dear Sabres,

I have been having a bad few days, last night the Kings did their part by beating the Wild. However, I have no strong feelings about the Wild so that victory wasn't nearly as satisfying as, say, you beating the Philadelphia Flyers, my 2nd least favorite team in the NHL. PLEEEEEEEASE beat the Flyers?! PRETTY Please?!

Love, Anne

Does this come in women's cuts too?

Dear Tyler Myers,

You're  -8 these days. Please improve that stat and fast. My fantasy team would appreciate it.

Love, Anne

I see you are composing your thoughtful response.

Many thanks, young JBG

Dear Jason Pominville,

Please come back soon. We might not need you that much, but it's been weird watching games without you playing in them.

Love, Anne

I know what you're thinking, and you're right:

This picture will never be old.

Dear Squeaky desk somewhere in my office,

OMFG, STOP SQUEAKING, IT'S DRIVING ME SLOWLY INSANE. I SWEAR I WILL GO ALL HULK SMASH ON YOU SOON IF A SOLUTION TO YOUR INCESSANT SQUEAKING IS NOT QUICKLY REACHED.

Love, Anne