Sunday, August 23, 2009


by Anne

A certain fellow Sabres blogger (who chooses to remain silent) has forwarded me an email that was sent to her by an astute reader. This email links one to an article that brings the chuckles.

You know its August when things like this call me out of my summertime blogging stupor.

Anyway, the simple fact that I have to report is nothing remarkable (Ryan Miller apparently has a girlfriend...wooo....?) I generally don't care about the Sabres personal lives and generally don't like to comment on them. HOWEVER, when such information is WIDELY available (to people in New Jersey or with a computer) I feel comfortable in commenting.

This fearless Sabres blogger sent me a link to the website of this fine publication that heralds itself as "NY & NJ's #1 Entertainment Magazine!" and is peppered with pages of photos featuring half-naked drunk chicks at bars with other half-naked drunk chicks. Truly, whatever information this magazine declares is 100% supported by truth and journalistic integrity. "Steppin' Out", as the magazine is called, boasts an interview with some chick who was in that flop of a movie "The Goods" with Jeremy Piven. The interview was done by someone named Chaunce Hayden. On the cover she's in a tub covered with bubble bath and the caption is "Damn you Mr. Bubble... Damn you to hell!" Already, I'm intrigued, as I am clearly this magazine's target audience.

Not living in the New York City Metropolitan area, I was forced to peruse the digital version of this magazine. While doing so, my sister was prompted to ask me if what I was reading was porn. I assured her it was not, trying to sound confident but never sure if the next page I clicked to would feature a naked lady or two. Unfortunately, much worse, one page turn brought me this:

Truly a horror to behold.

Anyway, a few pages later after ads for multiple gentlemen's clubs, articles about tattoos and Bill O'Reilly we stumble across an interview with "actress" Noureen DeWulf.

Smokin' hot no?
"It Girl" might be pushing it a bit far

She blathers on about being in the background of a few movies and playing a stripper in "The Goods" and being Muslim and not naked or whatevs. Who cares. All we really care about is this passage:

Ok that's impossible to read.

Here's what it says:

I heard that you're dating Buffalo Sabres goalie Ryan Miller. How difficult is it to maintain a celebrity romance?
It's very challenging because when both people are well known so many people are attracted to you. I don't mean that in a crass way. There're a lot of opportunities to slip up.
Let's pause a moment. Ok, so she's dating Millsy. Great, fine, whatevs, that is neither here no there to me. But "celebrity romance?" Ryan Miller probably gets recognized three places: Buffalo, NY; East Lansing, MI; and in the actual NHL offices in NYC. I seriously doubt outside of those three places there are "so many people" clamoring for Ryan Miller's bod. Then she rambles about being more loyal than men are which I don't think we're supposed to understand means Millsy is boning those chicks in Buffalo that want him.

If you want to pay $10 you can have the full size image of this. I, however, do not:

How romantic...?
Nice white sport coat, Ryan.

I wish them much happiness as they attempt to make a normal life for themselves in their high-paced celebrity lives of being recognized at Wegman's and standing in the background of C-rate movies. Hopefully by dating him, and being her sugardaddy, she can de-rail her inevitable career path towards soft-core porn and commercials for phone sex chatlines. Much luck, Noureen. Hope to see you at HSBC Arena this season.

And, if they're not dating, I hope someone emails me with proof that they're not.

My annual foray into the Sabres' personal lives has concluded. I enjoyed it.


  1. I'm stuck on Miller's Don Johnson-esque sport coat. I know the 80s are back, but I didn't know they were back that much. If he's wearing loafers with no socks, there needs to be an intervention staged, stat.

  2. I love that her answer about how hard celebrity romance is is not "It's hard to find privacy" or "It's hard because our schedules are complicated" but instead "It's really hard not to sleep with other people." Sounds like a keeper, Ryan!

  3. Our Ryan seems to have gone 'Hollywood'. As long as he is happy and can play hockey WELL... I'm good. Hopefully he doesn't daydream of finer days with Ms. DeWulf while in between the posts.

  4. Whoa. Shocking.

    If this is true, I wish them both happiness , and good hockey.

    And I don't mean good tonsil hockey.

  5. She's a gem. Ryan, I always knew there was a special woman out there just waiting to be your girlfriend. Congratulations.

    I just hope she's able to resist Timmy. I can imagine it would be hard for a celebrity like her to keep from sleeping with him.

  6. I was just reading my copy of Steppin' Out Magazine! My first thought was to zip to Sabretooth's House to see what Anne had to say, and you did not disappoint!

    ...and in the actual NHL offices in NYC

    That made me el oh el.

    I LOVE that we now know that Noureen and Ryan are both so universally desired that they have trouble being faithful. It must be hard being them.

  7. Well.

    I guess I'm glad Ryan has found love 'supposedly' with a stripper? As long as he's happy and doesn't let it affect his hockey playing skills, I'm game.

  8. Whadda you mean, scoop of the century? Where the hell have you been? They've been together since at least last spring. She was with him for the awards in Vegas, where all the players displayed their eye candy. A few details: She posed topless for Maxim, and calls herself Baby, she's 29-31 years old (most sources list 29, but Georgia high school records say class of 1996, which makes her 31), in any case she is not 25 as claimed in her bio. She was married to singer/concrete designer James DeWulf, for whom she tattooed a "J" on her stomach. Google Noureen DeWulf + Ryan Miller for other tidbits (although they've pulled a few of their pictures).

  9. Uhhhh "Anonymous", if you read any of the post you might've realized that "Scoop of the Century" was a joke. I could not possibly care less about this "story" or how old she is or anything like that. But thanks.

  10. I hope this doesn't bring more whining from Ryan about stalkers and lack of privacy. Most of his "stalkers" are puck bunnies and internet-savvy kids with too much free time who like to follow their hero. Ryan, if you don't want to be a public figure, give back the 31 mil, quit hockey and become a plumber. Then nobody will care if you show your ass.

  11. The flushing sound you hear is Miller's good guy reputation going down the toilet...

  12. So far, the only game Miller lost was the opener. So far, the only game Noureen attended was the opener. Hope she keeps her bad mojo away from the arena.

  13. THEY'RE SO. FAMOUS. hahaha S(h)ara and I use that joke a lot.


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable