Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Take THAT Norway!

by Anne

Dallas lost, again. Come ON! You can't even get ONE WIN so I'll be right in my predictions? Bah, whatevs. Detroit is annoyingly good. I mean, every time a Swede is rushing down the wing on a break away or a two on one, it's basically a guarantee that he'll score. Except for that one shot that Robidas turned into Superman to block. That was pretty sweet... can we get him? Anyone? Larry! Look into that. The face cage is what does it for me.

In its continued efforts to kill my hopes and dreams, the IIHF scheduled Team USA's game for 11:30 a.m. yesterday. However, I was not thwarted! I was able to enjoy the game via the irritating pop-up screen (except for when I was at lunch and they scored a bazillion goals).

WOOOOOOOO!!! Team USA wins 9-1 over Norway less than 24 hours after the conclusion of that last BULLHOOEY game against Finland. Wooooo! They take on Finland again in the quarterfinals on Wednesday. No cheap goals THIS time, TEEMU.

Neither Drew Stafford or Jason Pominville (I'm using full names to increase the likelihood of Google hits and endless hours of Analytics entertainment) had any points, but Pommer had 4 shots on goal, 0 PIM and +2 with 17:38 in ice time. Staffers had 1 shot on goal, 2 PIM, +2 with 13:35 in ice time. Yay!

Patrick Kane had 3 pts (1+2), 0 PIM, +2 with 14:11 in ice time, Zach Parise had 2 pts (1+1), Brandon Dubinsky had 3 goals and 3 shots on goal. Yesssss. I love when that happens. Yay Dubie! I say "yay" but once the regular season resumes, I shall return to hating you and your team openly and vehemently, no offense, talk to Phil Kessel, he's been dealing with my "only recently kept at bay" hatred well.

Esche only had to face 18 shots, and stopped 17 of them. Not bad, not bad. Team USA mustered 48 shots on goal and 9 goals, not bad either. DARCY, PLEASE SIGN ROBERT ESCHE. I forgot to mention, he was named best player of the game in that STUPIDNESS against Finland on Sunday. SIGN HIM. CALL HIS AGENT, SEND HIM A BASKET OF MUFFINS, I CAN BE HIS AGENT IF HE NEEDS ONE, I AM PARTIAL TO BANANA NUT MYSELF. SO HELP ME IF THERE'S A "FRUIT EXPLOSION" MUFFIN IN THERE, HEADS WILL ROLL.

I'm obsessed with finding pictures of Sabres at the IIHF. Here's Pommerdoodle behind the net on that Dustin Brown goal:

#16 Norway has to see it to believe it

Apparently Kaner and Phil Kessel combined on an amazing goal but as I was at work, I didn't see it. I'll go home and watch the on demand video to see it. (A few hours have gone by...) Found it! It's all the goals, the goal in question is the 2nd goal in the 3rd period highlights. I tried to upload it three times without success. Oh well, the goal was pretty sweet.

Norwegian Captain, Tommy Jakobsen put it best:
"Simply, today we got spanked."

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I wonder if he said that LITERALLY in Norwegian or if it was a loose translation. What's the Norwegian equivalent of "spanked"? I'd like to spank a- ...right, trying to keep it PG-13 up in heah.

BTDubs, I cannot get over the fact that Norway has a player whose last name is Ask. His name was in a headline and I was so confused because I was reading it as the verb "ask" not the subject "Ask" so it made absolutely no sense and I was perplexed for longer than necessary because it meant I didn't have to do actual work. Woo! I'm all about creative stalling tactics.

I feel the need to point out that there are TWO players who play for Switzerland whose first name is "Beat".

Beat Gerber:


Beat Forster:

just Beat it.

I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that Kotalik scored a goal in the Czech Republic's 5-3 loss to Sweden on Sunday night. Unforch for the rest of the tourney, Lundqvist is now in goal for Sweden, just like Nabokov is in goal for Russia, making those teams that much better. Esche is bangin' it out so far, but aaaaanytime you feel like puttin' on the Red White and Blue, Ryan Miller, you'll be welcomed with open blockers. Anyhoot, Kotalik was named the best player for the Czech Republic for that game. Wooo! YO. DMITRI KALININ SCORED THE OPENING GOAL FOR RUSSIA ON MONDAY. Maybe Kalinin should just go play in Russia, nope I'm not even going to pretend like I don't want that to happen. BUH-BYE, TRI!

Canada played Finland yesterday afternoon:

I tuned in just in time to watch Roysie get a tripping penalty, but a least he was getting good things said about him. Roysie started centering the 3rd line but now is playing wing on the 2nd line, which he used to do for Buffalo back in the day...and by day I mean 2006. Glad to see some one's recognizing that Roysie is pretty BA. Somehow, in a 6-3 WIN, Caps PBF managed to be -3. Huh? Not good, Greener, especially when 2 other defensemen were +4. Yeesh. Canada will take on Norway on Wednesday at 3:30. In the same building, Team USA takes on Finland at 7:15 (times EDT). Woo!

This excerpt from Millsey's blog really hurt my soul. My belief that he's the brains of the team has now gone out the window and I am left empty and seeking solace in other players that might be brainy...uhhhh... right, they're hockey players, not physicists. I'll get back to you on that one. Anyway, take a look at the nail in the coffin:

Let me emphasize:

Poor grammar is the least sexiest thing of all. Booooooo.

This post is our 200th published post. WOOOOOOO!!!! YAY! WOOOO! We are so awesome it's not even funny.

This quality of Window's Paint perfectly sums up the quality of writing and analysis you'll find at Sabretooth's House.


  1. Poor grammar is the least sexiest thing of all. Booooooo.

    As an English major, NOTHING is more true in my book.

    I believe that Millsey should take a MAJOR hometown discount to make up for this affront to his gramatically correct fanbase.

  2. PARTY! You are sooo awesome there are no words.

    And as an almost English teacher, I second not liking poor grammar.

    Beat it beat it beat it [cue moans from Patrick Stump of Fall Our Boy].

  3. *Out* not Our. Just as I said no poor grammar...


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
  • Greener - MATT Greene (LAK)
  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
  • MK - Anne's sister; often leaves nonsensical comments under her Twitter name Mmmkizzle
  • Oscar - Anne's cat

Because it's never not funny

Completely adorable