Wednesday, April 23, 2008

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night

by Anne

Today we bid farewell to those teams that have departed from the 2008 Stanley Cup Playoffs in the first round.

First, we say good-bye to the Minnesota Wild:

I have nothing against the Minnesota Wild, and in fact, was sort of pulling for them to win this series. I know Minnesotans are great hockey fans so it's too bad they were elimidated. The first three games were quite exciting. I tried really hard to get into them, but the allure of J-Rome pulled me towards the station playing his game. Sidenote: Gabby, um, where were you in this series? You need to earn back your superman roster photo stance.

Faretheewell, New Jersey Devils:

I may think your logo is kind of lame-tastic, and I still remain almost entirely indifferent to your existence, but I really really wanted you to beat the Rangers. Booooooo! Yuck! However, even though you lost, I shall not mock you or your logo. Let's face it, the Buffalo Sabres logo is pretty damn stupid and, inspite of their knack for schooling us in the shootout I like that Saucy Minx, and Zachy P.

Enjoy the golf course, Nashville Predators:

I was going to draw tears or something on your logo to make the tiger look really sad, but then I found your third jerseys and they're so heinously awful that there is no need to deface them further. Yick.

Sleep soundly and train hard (but not too hard) this off-season, Boston Bruins:

I'm torn about the Bruins, they stole our playoff spot, but I don't really hate them. My Grandpa is from Boston...they have Phil Kessel (blech) but they also have Marc Savard (eeee!). I'm not sorry they're out, but I'm not over the moon with excitement that Montreal is still in it.

If you see Jarome Iginla, tell him I'm no longer speaking to him.

I'm really mad at the Flames. JEREMY ROENICK?! Ugh when I opened this morning Brian FREAKIN' Campbell's face was looking directly at me from my screen while patting JR on the head. EW! Thanks A LOT!

And also from last night:


Bye bye, stay strong, Maloy.....don't let them see you when you're hurting.....hold it hell:


Joffrey Lupul is a Stinky face Stinky head.

And lastly, we bring you last season's Conference Champions...both out in the first round. Yikes.

2007 Western Conference and Stanley Cup Champs:

The Mighty Anaheim Ducks of Mighty Anaheim were mightily elimidated by the Dallas Stars in a 4-1 victory decided by one Mr. Stuart Barnes. The Ducks used to be my favorite Western Conference team. Then they pulled lots of shenangians. Then I became fully apprised of Chris Pronger's douche-itude and then they made him Captain, which annoyed me, then Nieds came back, and then Teemu came back in like February. That's stupid and they didn't deserve to make it farther. There were those who thought they'd repeat as Cup champs....I entertained the thought for a time, but clearly am glad they are going home to golf.

2007 Eastern Conference Buttheads Champions

Everyone's trying to be all "Woe to the Ottawa Senators" wah wah wah, things were so hard, you had a new coach, Ray Emery is a stinky face! TOO BAD YOU HAD BASICALLY THE SAME TEAM AS LAST YEAR! What the HELL Ottawa? Are your ch'is so easily thrown out of wack that Ray Emery showing up late to practice twice has ruined your team? Whoa. That's pretty damn intense. I shouldn't take such glee in their losing but I do!

The only team I'm excited about anymore is Pittsburgh! Go Pens! Ugh, and they're facing the Rangers. Yick.

I really wanted Sid and Ovie to meet in the playoffs. :( There's always next year? I really hate that sentence.


  1. This has been a very emotionally conflicting postseason so far.

    The sweep of Ottawa by the adorable Pens has been BY FAR the brightest spot, but now we have to watch them play the icky Rangers =(

    I love Marty and will always have a soft spot for Danny, but no more Ovie makes me very sad. Oh how I will miss his tinted visor and crazy celebrations.

    And I still have not come to terms with Calgary's loss. No more Iggy? More importantly, no more Iggy smile?? How will I live in a hockey world where I have to watch Soupy's dumbfounded expression for another four games (hopefully no more) without J-Rome's pearly whites to make it all better??!!

    Go Pens and...they're pretty much it, I guess. Go Sid and Geno!!

  2. UR WRONG THE FLAMES R THE BEST EAM IN THE NHL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  5. Jesus a Sabres fan commenting on the performance of other teams. That is rich, still bitter over Emery kicking your goalie's ass and your "tough guy" lol.. Wide Right, Foot In The Crease, Music City Miracle, Buffalo you make Pittsburgh look like a wonderful city to live in.


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Glossary... Sort of

  • "Ryan Miller Shutout" - A 58 minute, multi-goal shutout lead that is blown when Miller allows one meaningless goal
  • Britney or SabreBritney - Thomas Vanek
  • Butter Snaps - Carolina Hurricanes. Because Butter Snap pretzels, like the Carolina Hurricanes, are disgusting
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  • JBG - Jolly Blonde Giant - Tyler Myers
  • Little Foot - Drew Stafford
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